Following a rule is punishment
I got told by DH that making YSS follow the no-electronics-in-your-room-rule for two weeks (since it was already on the table to change it) is punishing YSS and DH.
Its punishment to have to follow a rule—for the kid and the parent. Just following the rule. No consequences.
So I asked if I was punishing DS and myself when I made him put his dishes in the dishwasher. Or is it punishment to have to take your shoes off when you come in the house? Apparently not.
I also pointed out to DH that with how things have worked out, YSS isn’t even here to be “punished” (they have conveniently been at BMs for various reasons).
DH tried manipulating me and we ended up rehashing how he sides with the kids and I am seen as the enforcer because he’s busy trying to be friends. And if they feel that way it’s because he’s busy being on their team and his attitude shows it’s them/him against me, not he and I as adults/parents. It’s all so damned inconsistent that there’s no way to know when I’m put on the spot which way the wind is blowing (and I try to step out of the conversation but then “the kids think you don’t like them because you won’t talk.” Which is a new spin on “you don’t like my kids.”)
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What he means is that making
What he means is that making him make SS follow a rule is punishment to HIM, DH. Parenting is torture, being a buddy is fun.
You betcha
Which is why it plays out that I’m “The Mom” enforcing rules on ALL the “boys” in the house.
The fun thing is that this one is his rule.
(Edit: his rule he wanted for all of the kids, not just the skids.)
Your DH is SS parent
He is the one who should be in forcing the rules and deal with the punishment. That what parenting is. He just wants to be the FRIEND to SS. That sucks, That is the formula for major trouble down the road.
I just don't know how some of
I just don't know how some of you deal with this sh*t. I'll be honest - I don't think I could have lived with even the best minor skids. All children present issues. I loved my niece to death - but I was always so ready for her to leave after a week or two visit. And all too many of the skids referenced here are just hideous aholes.
More power to you.
Honestly at this point I'd
Honestly at this point I'd likely give up on this household 'rule' and tell DuH he can do whatever he wants with his kids but he better leave mine alone. I can't stand double standards.
Clearly what your DuH meant by imposing this rule was he wanted YOUR son to have no electronics in his room, while his kids could do what they wanted, and he wanted you to be on board with that.
What an @ss.
He likes the idea of rules,
He likes the idea of rules, because they make him look like a good parent, but the enforcing of the rules, you know the part about actually being a good parent, he doesn't like.
BM is like that. She had all kinds of rules that she never enforced. SS caught on to that quickly. She was much more interested in looking like a good parent than actually being one.
Yep that's our BM too. Talks
Yep that's our BM too. Talks a good game & either yells at or has 'conversations' with the boys when they act up, but actual consequences for bad behaviour? Actual responsibility or expectations of them? LOL
Sounds like OP's DH is cut from the same cloth as our BM's. Talk is cheap. I'd still tell him if he's not going to enforce it with his he better keep off mine as well or there'd be a war on our hands. I don't deal well with double standards. At all.
That’s DH
That first paragraph is DH. If I say anything about a rule or how it was (not) addressed he comes back with “But don’t you think I’m a good parent/person?”
Manupulative and gets things off track. And I get “But they are good kids.” I never said they were bad kids, I said they broke a rule. And I’ve said he’s lucky they are good kids or this would be a lot worse. But even good kids break rules. He isn’t happy when I keep him on topic.
Though he tells me stuff that sounds like he wants to have separate rules, if I do that (just go ahead and have different rules) or I state that we should just parent our own kid and not have joint rules he balks. There’s a blip of working together and parenting but it’s never sustained. it’s crazy making
I can't stand the 'but they
I can't stand the 'but they're good kids' argument!! I've gotten into this conversation with my own family when it comes to my SS's. Anytime I talk about something they did and/or the lack of discipline or consequence, I'm told 'well they're good boys so BM must be doing something right'.
OMG *pull my hair out*, what a crock of sh*t argument that is! Sometimes crap parents end up with good kids despite their terrible parenting, it doesn't mean they're actually good parents.
Your DH needs a boot, he can't have it both ways.
Yes, BM here is famous for
Yes, BM here is famous for saying, "We need to talk. A LOT", whenever she was upset with SS (or DH for that matter, when they were together). Lectures and arguments, etc, but no consequences for SS, ever.
"Ah DuH, I see. So you're
"Ah DuH, I see. So you're admitting that you're a lesser parent than I because you can't do what I do and ensure your child follows the rules?"
If my H was this way our
If my H was this way our marriage would not last. It's either we address and implement the same rules for all kids or we do our own thing without interference. It's not an effective way to parent under the same roof when all kids are treated differently. You are setting yourself up for more issues with all kids involved. When there is no consistency and parents are not on the same page its a recipe for disaster.