Killjoy's Future
DH and I have been living separately since October 2019. The plan has been to reunite when Killjoy graduates. She would then go live at college and spend her breaks at Satan's house. She could visit DH outside our home.
She's a senior this year, so there should be a light at the end of the tunnel. But...
Prior to covid, she was well on her way to earning an athletic scholarship. Now the universities are a year behind with those. So, dunno what's gonna happen with that.
Kids are launching older these days. I don't know if it's ethical for a parent to excommunicate a kid at 18 for something really awful they did when they were 12, especially when their other parent is a total dumpster fire. All I know is that I'm literally incapable of having any contact with her. But I'm not her parent, he is. He says he thinks she's regretting the stupid things she's done. I think it's pure projection on his part. She's still never admitted to any wrongdoing.
Living separately is expensive, and we kinda miss each other. It would suck if it went on an additional year.
Her gpa jumped from 3.2 to 3.9 this past year. DH attributes it to dedication, but she's an idiot, so I attribute that to showing up when the other kids didn't. Low expectations, the schools in our town have been dumbed down and kinda suck. DH thinks she could get an academic scholarship or a hybrid of academic/athletic. DH spends $500/mo on her gold-plated vip club sport, from ages 12-18, plus the cost of uniforms, travel, etc, I would say he will have already invested well over $50k into her future, when my total cost of college was 30k, which I paid for all on my own. It's important that kids have some skin in the game, imo. I think she should pay whatever difference there is, and he agrees. I fear that she won't get a scholarship, or won't get accepted into any of her pie in the sky schools. I hope she is applying to backup schools. DH takes her word for everything.
I have no qualms about sending her to Satan's house. Even though Satan is a psychopath, Killjoy had plenty of warnings and chose to be her mother's malicious representative in our house. But I fear Satan won't take her, now that CS is off the table.
DH has been telling me since she was 15 that she says she wants a job. My response was "She said some words." She will be 18 in March, and has still never had a job. She charged a few girlfriends twenty bucks each to do their makeup for prom. He presented that to me like it was good news. It's not real work, I just think it's weird. That's something we did for each other for free at her age, but maybe it's a new thing? Also, she's unattractive and not stylish at all, but I think girls her age will buy anything from anyone who claims they can do something, as long as they feel pampered and their parents are paying for it. It just speaks to her arrogance and poor boundaries, imo.
He said she went out and applied at a bunch of places two weeks ago but hasn't heard anything. I call bs on that. Businesses here are dying for workers right now.
My YDS had a job at 15 and moved out as soon as he graduated HS. I was sad to see him go, he left to get away from Killjoy.
Dunno what's gonna happen.
ETA: DH is overjoyed because he thinks Killjoy doesn't "like" Satan. Killjoy doesn't "like" or "dislike" anyone. All Killjoy cares about is who is pampering her. Satan doesn't buy things for Killjoy, and she is embarassed to be seen with her. Killjoy's dislike of Satan isn't moral superiority, it's more of her same selfishness. But Killjoy certainly doesn't want to go live with Satan.
- Ispofacto's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Feral Forger SD22
STILL has no drivers license. Is not attending college courses. And STILL is not working because the IHOP she applied to wont let her start due to her "sprained thumb".
SD15 Backstabber/Munchkin argues over washing a dish. Does the bare minimum at school during a time when all you have to do is roll out of bed and log in. She had over 50 outstanding assignments total, 25- each semester, had all semester to finish them, and still somehow passed because everyone was being passed. A c in art and a d in orchestra. It doesnt bode well for her getting and keeping an actual job.
Good for you for not buying the BS. Because they ARE just words.
Is your DH naive AF as well?
Is your DH naive AF as well? It never ceases to amaze me.
Street smart
He doesnt want to p!ss off kiddo, because he doesnt want Toxic Troll to cause problems and take him back to court for more money and full custody.
He cant do much about Feral Forger SD22. Its her own business to be a failure at life, and its obviously easier to just not say anything to her. He did take her to wallmart to buy shoes for her "new job" that she hasnt started yet a few months later...
SS21 still refuses to get a
SS21 still refuses to get a job. He couch surfs, works for little old ladies (probably steals from them) and looks like a homeless bum. DSO and I were talking and I responded to something he said that I think SS doesn't want any responsibility and lives the way he wants to live....doing what he wants when he wants. DSO still gives him 20 bucks here and there, buys him food and cigarettes, and gives him rides so DSO isn't helping either.
SS came and cut our grass the other day and I was appalled how he looked. He is a skinny kid but he looks malnourished and dirty. Until he decides he wants better, he will continue to live that way.
Interesting story
Your story sounds rather unique. Married, love eachother and living apart.
I hope your reuniting with DH is not kept on hold because of an adult skid, who obviously caused so much chaos you have to live apart? You are obviously a patient woman to do this. Hats off to you lady.
What if she is never self sufficient> Will DH cave?
I hope he has the cajones to
I hope he has the cajones to evict her, I really do. They live in an apartment, so all he has to do is stop paying the rent and move out.
I hope your DH and Killjoy
I hope your DH and Killjoy fully investigated athletic scholarships and she has a realistic chance of getting one. I have friends who were high school athletes and researched thoroughly, and full scholarships were very rare and good scholarships hard to get. A lot depended on your sport.
Do you and your DH have a timeline for Killjoy being out, regardless of what happens with college and whether Satan will take her? Can your DH afford college without a scholarship?
DH and I both paid our own
DH and I both paid our own ways through school and worked since we were 15. If she gets a partial scholarship, she can take out loans and work for the difference.
She doesn't get both her 50k vip sport and a full ride on us. Especially if she reaches 18 without ever working.
The timeline was supposed to be the end of month following HS graduation, but now he's waiting to see what happens with scholarships.
My parents paid their own way
My parents paid their own way through school, but they were willing and able to pay for their kids. They admitted that it was possible to put yourself through with a student loan and a minimum wage job when they went, but not so easy now. The in-state COA for the state flagship in the state where I grew up is over $33,000, and over $38,000 a year for a lot of majors like business and sciences. The maximum guaranteed federal loan (the kind for which you don't need a co-signer) for a freshman is $5500. That leaves a pretty big differential - insurmountable for many kids. Many states are cheaper or have more aid available - I guess a lot depends on where you live. Even community college tuition, fees and books here are more than the guaranteed federal loan, and then there are housing costs if you can't live at home. College is ridiculously expensive these days. I hope your husband's $50,000 + investment in Killjoy's sport was worth it.
18
Well at 18 Killjoy can live on her own and doesn't have to live with Satan, right? So DH should tell Killjoy after high school she can either go straight to college, or live somewhere and work for a year or so before applying to college. If he's paying rent to live apart now, just keep paying the rent but let Killjoy live there and he moves back with you.
Even better, move Killjoy to small rented room somewhere to save some $, unless she wants to pay the apartment rent on her own.
There's no way in hell we'd
There's no way in hell we'd pay her rent for getting kicked out of our house. Maybe first month, but that's it.
Athletic scholarships have
Athletic scholarships have always been held out as a goal, but that goal in many sports is a long shot. A very small percentage of high school athletes receive athletic scholarships. Very few of the free ride type are given. Add in what Covid has done to college athletics and chances for the average senior are even smaller.
But, anything is possible. Scholarships will be given and one hopes Killjoy gets one. If the colleges are looking at her, there will be scouts in the stands at games. And there will be coach contact. So hope that if there is a scout spotted in the stands, he is watching Killjoy and not another player (and that she plays well that night).
DH's nephew was a pretty good high school athlete. Family was sure he was getting an athletic scholarship. Not one offer. He went to college with academic scholarships and loans.
Allegedly, she has been very
Allegedly, she has been very diligent in contacting coaches and sending them footage of her plays. It's probably true because this sport is a huge narc supply for her, she's actually very good at it.
I wonder how good her communcations skills are. She's manipulative and not shy to ask for what she wants, that's for sure. But she's also has no idea what a huge ahole she is, so...
She has a great GPA, if she
She has a great GPA, if she can keep that up her SR year, she has a good shot at scholarships. Senior years are typically skate through and only going part time any way. Perfect to get a job and start saving up.
Your DH needs to start prepping her. "The lease is up on ___ of next year. I am no longer going to live here. You need talk to your mom about spending the summer after graduation with her since I will be moving back in with Ipso."
Yeah, I hope her new gpa
Yeah, I hope her new gpa makes up for the lower years. She can't get a job, she's too busy playing her expensive AF sport.
If she does get into college, I asked DH when they move in. June or August. He doesn't know. We're in limbo. He claims she understands very well what the situation is, but I'm skeptical.
I mentioned in another post that Satan is expecting Killjoy to support her after HS. So...LOL?
How long before they both figure out that neither of them is working?
I don't blame you one bit for
I don't blame you one bit for being skeptical of Killjoys ability to change and keeping your boundaries.
SO has delusions that one day OSD will change. But even if she does manage to straighten up in school and other areas if her life. She will never be allowed back into my home. I will never want any type of relationship with her.
I anticipate Thier is a strong likelihood SO and I will end up living seperately some day because of it. That is something I am truly ok with. Because it is definitely the lesser of two evils as I never want to deal with OSD and her toxicity again.
Besides I would find it interesting to see how long SO could handle dealing with her all by himself without anyone to buffer their interactions.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Even if she went through a complete transformation, I don't think I could get over the trauma. I wrote her off at age 12, and I feel selfish because DH is a good man and she is his only child. At least whenever I think one of my three kids might go sideways, I always have the other two.
It really seems like DH doesn't like Killjoy, which is kinda sad because he is her only normal parent, and he is largely to blame for the way she turned out.
DH definintely hates living separately, even more than I do, he doesn't sleep well without me, etc. So for sure he will choose to live together once Killjoy graduates. She can't ever come back here, and I hope he never comes to resent that. I feel guilty for hurting him. He's always kind and loving to my kids. But then, they are always kind and loving to him.