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Opinions On Exs and Facebook Please

ishouldrun's picture

Submitted by ishouldrun on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 9:36am

I know I shouldn't let this bother me and so far I've been totally ignoring it; but I guess I need to vent and someone to tell me if I'm wrong. When FI and I started to date 3.5 years ago we communicated a lot through Facebook and were friends on Facebook. I didn't realize at the time that he was still FB friends with exSIL. After we started dating FI's ex created a FB account (she didn't have one previously) and sent friend requests to FI's sisters, mother, and nieces. They all accepted her friend request even though FI and ex had been divorced for at least 6 years at that point. FI's mother even went so far as to change her cover photo to one that included EX (a picture taken over 10 years ago even though she has other photos of the whole family.) I had a feeling that the FI's exSIL was stalking my FB page after things came up in conversation with SS about my posts. To avoid any drama I just deleted FI as my friend. I've mentioned several times that it bugs me that we can't be friends on FB and he just ignores it and says that he hardly ever goes on FB anymore so no big deal. Now after going to his Mother's for a long weekend (his family lives 6 hours away) and seeing that his mother is on FB everyday he says he wants to get back on FB. Last time he was on he mentioned that his Ex is now liking and commenting on his families' post. None of his family have ever asked me to be friends on FB. Am I overreacting by letting this bug me?? Sorry for the long post.

Comments

uofarkchick's picture

Submitted by uofarkchick on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 9:40am

Hon, this is childish on your part. Who gives a flying fig what his family does on FB? It's none of your business. Choose your FB friends carefully and lock up your page tighter than Fort Knox. Please remember that it's just a website. It's not real life.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 9:44am

#1 Block the ex on FB.

#2 Be friends with your SO on FB if you want. Don't let anyone else stop you from that.

#3 You can't do anything about Ex and your SO's family being friends on FB. It sucks. I know. SILs, BIL and MIL are friends with BM on FB and it pisses me off because BM is such a bitch to DH and I. As in she wishes DH dead in text messages, yet his own sisters are "friends" with her and "like" her pictures and whatever. I'd just deal with it, if BM was even close to be remotely nice. But she isn't so for me that is what makes it worse.

Also- what does FI stand for?

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Submitted by onwednesdayswew... on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 11:40pm

Yup!!

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 10:01am

I'm always confused when people say this. FB is just a website. It is what people make of it.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 10:09am

Well those who have trouble with it, usually have trouble and drama in their life anyways. So if it wasn't FB, it would be something else, somewhere else.

I just don't understand when people say FB is awful and the devil and whatever else... it's just a website... Its the users that make it bad.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 10:23am

Ha Ha yes it can be a little much at times and I agree with all of your examples.

I've taken FB breaks before. But I definitely don't see it as negatively as some other people see it. It is what you make of it.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 11:17am

"So if it wasn't FB, it would be something else, somewhere else."

I have a relative that lives in rural Nova Scotia, she knows every damn thing that is going on in everyones life and she doesn't have a computer! I can not begin imagine what we'd be hearing if she had FB.

If people want drama and gossip they will find it and spread it, FB is just another tool to use to do it.

Ljcapp1's picture

Submitted by Ljcapp1 on Mon, 10/31/2016 - 4:17pm

I totally agree. I think it turns rational, sane people into jealous over-thinkers. I'm one of them LOL

ishouldrun's picture

Submitted by ishouldrun on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 10:18am

Thanks everyone for the great advice, you are right. Ugh I'll go on ignoring it. I guess it just really made me mad today and I needed to rant. One thing I won't do anymore is waste my summer vacation at his mother's house washing her windows, she can have her exDIL do it for her from now on.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 10:33am

You can limit access to your page, posts and pictures to "friends Only" That way, Friends of friends can't see your page. Like in my situation, my SD is friends with her mom. but mom can't see my page.

ishouldrun's picture

Submitted by ishouldrun on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 10:38am

The reason I deleted SO as a FB friend in the first place was I didn't want EX to be able to go through SO's sister's page and see any information that he posted about me. So in order to accomplish that he would have to list his sisters as "acquaintances" or limit their access to his page? Is this right?

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Fri, 10/28/2016 - 2:25pm

I deleted my Facebook for 3 years-the first three years me and DH were together actually. I just got back on recently but only because my family doesn't send out party invites anymore. Everything is through Facebook. Ugh it drives me insane but whatever. I think you are overly attached to social media. Do you want to be friends with your SO? Then be friends, this isn't high school. What are you posting that you are self conscious about being reported to back to BM. My stuff is public because I hardly post anything and when I do it's literally about nothing of importance.

ishouldrun's picture

Submitted by ishouldrun on Mon, 10/31/2016 - 10:56am

I'm not overly attached to social media, only check my facebook maybe 3 times a month AND I don't have drama in my life, don't like it, don't wan't it. I go out of my way to avoid it and believe me I work with a lot of drama queens. I think I was mostly butt-hurt that my SO's (sorry I was using FI for fiancee) would welcome the EX back after 1) everything she did to destroy her marriage (sleeping with SO's best friend) and 2) 4 years of no contact with the family. I think I'm taking it as a slam against me by his family and I shouldn't. They can be friends with whoever they like but I'm not investing any more time in trying to be accepted into a family who doesn't want me.