Been a really rough couple of weeks, not relationship wise, but in general. To the handfull of you ladies who understood my sudden insecurity and pessimism, I appreciate knowing that I'm not alone in occasionally letting my emotions get the best of me. The entire custody/placement battle has been extremely stressful, which combined with financial difficulties, DH working, the chaos of having four children fighting with each other and not doing what they're supposed to around the house, it's hard not to go all chicken little about it and wait for the other shoe to drop.

To make matters worse, we lost our dog on Father's Day, so it's really been a tough couple of weeks. We had a therapist appointment set for SD, only BM refused to let her go, well because she's a cunt. Her excuse was that she didn't believe that SD actually had an appointment. God forbid she picks up the phone or asks that we bring her documentation, as if that was even necessary since they have JOINT custody of SD6. The summer school issue finally blew up in her face and she tried telling DH and I that she thought daycare would be just as sufficient. So what if she can't read and her Kindergarten teacher has written all over her report card "SD6 NEEDS to attend summer school"? We had her signed up here by us so the trade off with that was either give up all of our weekends in the month of July or on Wednesday mornings, I have to leave at 6:30 to pick SD up from BM at 7 in order to get her to summer school by 7:30. BM actually had the nerve to text DH with "well if she doesn't go to summer school, it's not like that makes us bad parents." YES IT DOES!

SD started her gymnastic classes over the weekend, which to my surprise, was the first class that she's ever taken. Of course BM was skeptical about that too, which I figure is only normal since she lies to us so often that it's a foreign concept to her that someone might actually do something for her daughter. DH made sure he didn't have to work and SD got all dressed up, everything was going great.....then the hag texts him saying she's there and wants to watch! And she sits down right next to me. FML. So an awkward hour of listening to her go on and on about how she was going to sign SD up for this class and that class, how she wants to enroll her in a Montessori school that she can't remember the name of and blah, blah, blah. I did my best to be cordial, not remind her that she DIDN't actually sign SD up for anything or let her know that I had researched Montessori schools four months ago, that there aren't any in the city she's talking about and that she couldn't have been offered a job as a teacher at one without having taken classes on specific Montessori teaching and principals.

Was super awesome when SD all but completely ignored me and DH but I really enjoyed watching BM take all of the pictures she needed to post on Flakebook in order to keep up appearances and pretend that she's a great mother. Oh and she wants to cockblock SD's second therapist appointment scheduled for tomorrow because she feels left out. No need to actually do any of the leg work, make any appointments yourself, call anyone, just do nothing then complain when we do it and cry about how you're the victim. DH is beginning a downward spiral into depression between arguing with the hag, doing our best to take care of SD6's need while BM fights us every damn step of the way, our financial difficulties and our dog passing away suddenly and I've got to keep everything together. I guess on the brightside knowing that keeps me from falling apart since I don't have the luxury.

We're not fighting with BM to spite her or hurt her. I stood on our front porch almost two weeks ago and tried talking to her. I explained that I'm not trying to replace her and that I have the time to schedule appointments, to take SD there and to make sure it gets done. I tried telling her that parenting isn't a competition and that instead of lying and pretending that she's got it together, when she obviously doesn't, she needs to just admit that she needs help with something especially when we're calling her out on it anyway! It's not my fault that she's not getting shit done, it's not DH's fault and it's certainly not SD's fault but inevitably, each one of us is going to suffer because of it. I can't for the life of me understand why some women are so damn determined to push their kids father out of their life when those of us who didn't have the luxury of having help would have killed for someone who cared. My son's father was a good for nothing POS who wouldn't even help me buy BS a winter jacket when he was three. A friend of mine took BS to Kohls, put a jacket on him and walked out of the store, that was how I got through rough times. It hurt my pride knowing that I couldn't afford to care for my kid, that he was going to be wearing a stolen jacket because at 21 years old, that was the only thing I could think to do.

It sucks but I really do understand how some of you just get to the point where it's not worth the aggravation.