SOOOOOOO.....last night BM called SO and started bitching at him AGAIN and told him that she was NOT going to come over today to touch base and talk about the daycare and everything else. I could see that he was getting upset and not accomplishing anything so I grabbed the phone from him and get this: BM DIDN'T HANG UP ON ME!

SO left for work and I talked to BM on the phone for AN HOUR AND 13 MINUTES. I know. WTF.

I cried, she cried. I know she was just trying to manipulate me but I got alot of things off my chest that I really needed to say to her.

at one point I flat out asked her "do you honestly think that SD is being abused at our house, do you really think shes not safe??" BM:"well no blahblah"...

Basically I am torn between wanting to support her and wanting to kill her. It is taking an enormous toll on my anxiety and my therapist is going to kill me but I had to say something you know?

She suffers from depression and she is just a bitter angry person. I get that. I understand not being able to forgive. It's taken me years to forgive people in my past and its hard! I get it. SO was a shitty person when they dated. Now mind you, I take everything with a grain of salt that she says but I know SO...and he has pretty limited common sense. He has grown up tremendously in the past 3 years and really put his all into doing the right thing and he TRULY loves his daughter. But BM can't see that because she is so angry and bitter still.

We talked on the phone for so long. I told her how my mom who I haven't seen in years took me from my dad and I didn't see him for 19 years. NOTHING. I told her that little girls need their dads. They need BOTH parents. I told her that I understand countless times and I cried.

I think she is just genuinely confused plus her mental problems....ugh. Plus we are all so young still and trying to figure out how to be the best parents with our own young vindictive mindsets coming through....SO is 26, BM is 25 I am soon to be 23 in a few months. It's tough.

I decided that I'm not quite ready to throw in the towel on this yet. She is sick and she needs help I know that but she's not entirely just INSANE for no reason.

She told me that she lashes out because she feels useless and isn't doing well in life (job finances ect) and her biggest fear is that SO is going to use that against her in court to take SD away from her.

I told her to stop thinking like that. No one is going to "take" SD from anybody and she needs to stop using court as a crutch. I told her the courts don't care about her. Or us or even SD to be honest. All they care about is money.

I think I convinced her at least for the time being to keep this petty crap out of the courts because we are all adults and should be able to co parent on our own without a judge telling us what to do. She agreed. ugh I'm exhausted. I shouldn't have grabbed the phone I know.

I was trying so hard to disengage from BM and let SO handle it but I needed to say what I did.

Okay everyone yell at me now