SD14 and BD14 issue
I talked to my daughter-she says that she was on the stairs going to take more money (her own, saved from birthday! she did not ask from FDH so that could not have caused jelaousy) and SD attacked her. Which was possible and I actually do believe her. It's not that I'm picking sides because it's my daughter VS Step daughter,it's just that my daughter is not someone that'd just go and attack someone just like that. SD is, though she sees things as reasons even when they're not. For example-My daughter is an intruder to her just like I am, so she hates her too,even though she had no choice and it's not HER fault. Well, she says that SD started saying mean things to her (like insulting her, which I've heard - the insults,but I thought it was just between her and her friends ,they "play" that way. i figured it was serious,to my daughter,when i heard HER voice.) she just answered to her that she should not say such things because she's not that good herself,and she went crazy on her,yelling and threatening. That's when i got there-when she ended the tantrum and just gave me a deadly look, so did her friend.
Basically so BD says that she did not start it,but she did return it. It's not the first time they've been having issues but FDH claims that he should not take care of her relations with her friends or classmates and that it is up to them if they are friends, frenemies, whatever. If it's something he sees as childish - he says that it's common for teens/children to argue or fight that way and that basically it's not something important. If it becomes worse,he says that everyone should take care of their own relationships,and if they decide to have such confrontations,they will have to work on their relationship without others making them be friends or anything.
I have no idea what to do.
SD and BD got home from school today, BD is kind of in a bad mood,but says that she's OK. SD had another friend over after school,and since she left she's been in her room so I don't know about her.
I . am. worried.
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Comments
Maybe SD shouldn't have
Maybe SD shouldn't have friends over unless her dad is there, and your daughter can't have friends over if you are not there - then at least it reduces the amount of kids you have no control over when your DH isn't home.
If you aren't allowed to say anything to SD - then I would simply ask your DH if she is allowed friends without a parent home? If not, you are not the parent - no friends unless Dad is there.
Doesn't solve the problem but reduces the chances of SD being all up in BDs face showing off to her friends.
Yes, she is allowed friends
Yes, she is allowed friends with no parent at home. He works a lot and isn't spending too much time at home at this time. But she is allowed friends when he's not there, well actually at all times except for some specific, rare situations.
I wouldn't have friends over without him either, but it's not up to me.
My SD does do stuff when we're alone and when we're not,it doesn't make a difference. Sometimes she's even worse when she's alone.
1) She solves her problems
1) She solves her problems always, in their eyes-this is our problem, not hers. She is not bothered or upset by it,so it's not seen as a real problem. BD won't complain about it to FDH, and to me he says that it's teen stuff that they can sort out. The thing is she always sorted things out herself, just like her older sister-and it worked fine. No problems,no issues,it was good so he thinks it will be good now too. But this is different.
2) They can't. We live in a small town in an underdeveloped country. The school is the best in the town-but it's still a ruin. They have a lack of teachers,let alone a counselor. They have a pedagogue but she doesn't do much, just makes children promise they'll be nice and that's it. ESPECIALLY if it's a child from a rich family. And even if they could sort it out in school - the worst things don't happen in school. She does nothing but make others discretely stop talking to BD, and then since she actually did not do anything,nothing could be done even if the school enforced the rules.
3) He thinks he does not. He raised a girl that is now 21,lives in another country. He raised her the same way as he's now raising SD14, and she turned out just fine. Yeah, she hates me, but she has no way to show it since she's so far away. But she's in college, doing well, is responsible, has extra eucation,blahblah - and SD14 IS going her way. Except this with me and BD.
4) Breaks my heart,but will probably have to do that.