SS11 (nearly 12) is a smart kid. Very smart. In my experience, that can be good and bad.

This is his first year of middle school, which can be an adjustment. The school app has been driving DH nuts because he keeps getting notifications about late or missed assignments. Sometimes they were submitted and teacher hasn't graded yet, or they were done in class. No problem, but the app doesn't distinguish. DH keeps on SS about it. This is not new. It was happening last year, too.

Well, two weeks ago, I had to pick SS up at school because he threw up. No fever. But because of policy, he had to stay home Friday as well. As soon as we got home, he was cheerful and chatty. Then, same thing happened Monday when he was with his mom. Out until Thursday, which was a teacher development day, so he was home for essentially a week and a half. At our house, DH made him do any online assignments. At her house (or her parents') that didn't happen.

Now he's behind and has Fs in three classes.

DH talked to SS and cue the explosion. SS is in advance classes and he started sobbing and yelling that he hates them. He can't do the work. He doesn't understand the assignments. DH asked if he'd asked his teachers questions or talked to them. No. Two classes where he has horrible grades aren't even advanced.

We think he's overwhelmed after not keeping up with assignments. And from teacher comments in the app, it sounds like he isn't really making wise use of his in-class time either, and some of the missing assignments are "in class" -- from days he was there.

In elementary school, he was able to get As and Bs with minimal effort. Now he has to work and he doesn't like it. If he is genuinely in over his head with advanced classes, no problem. We wouldn't force him to stay where he doesn't belong. But given his history, his intelligence and his behavior/attitude, we're not so sure this isn't just a case of him shocked he had to put in effort. He spends his mornings and a lot of post-school time playing video games. Trying to talk about things is always a strain because no matter how gentle we are, he starts sobbing the second it's clear there's any constructive criticism or expectations involved.

Anyway, SS yelled at DH that he had been complaining to BM for weeks. No one said a word to DH. He texted BM and she basically shrugged it off. DH told her he was confiscating electronics each day until assignments are complete. She accused him of being a "hard@$$" and said "you just want him to be in a prison!

Of course, she has no solution or thoughts on SS's placement. Didn't tell DH. Didn't talk to the school. Didn't respond when the science teacher reached out.

Just frustrating. Like I said, he's a smart kid. He also has a demonstrated tendency to just give up if he has to put in effort. DH and I are fine with him dropping down if that's what he genuinely needs (and even can at this point), but, regardless, he needs study habits, priorities and to learn the value of working at things. It's pretty clear any efforts will be undermined by BM and her parents.

*sigh*