sorry about typos i am just so upset. so after posting my last blog about finding those text messages that look like H is cheating, i wanted to give myself time on what I thought I should do.

well today came and I was planning on filing for divorce tomorrow anyway, but H brought up the subject of our relationship even though he promised he wouldnt. we started talking. he said that he wasnt getting sd this weekend because he felt like he couldnt focus on her. and I said, what if you had her fulltime, would you send her away because 'you couldnt focus on her' 24/7? you cant choose when your going to be a parent.
so I just told him that it really was over and I was done with it all and that I found messages on his phone. i told him that I was done and that he had to be out by april 30th. He said then your going to make me do something i dont want to do. and i said what, kill me? he said no and then i said kill yourself? and he didnt answer but he kept looking up to the closet where he keeps his gun. he kept looking at that spot the whole time we were having the conversation anyway. I actually had taken it out of the case and hid it. but anyway. after he didnt say anything, i went to the next room and said, he's talking about killing himself, should I call the cops to my mom and she said YES! so i did, and by then, he had went to the next room where I hid the gun, he was throwing stuff all around and he actually found it. my mom and me were like please no! and i was on the phone with the 911 operator the whole time and she was asking me what was going on, by then my mom and me and ran outside, didnt know if he was going to point it at us or himself. i left the yard and he got to the car and said to my mom "i dont want to make a mess in your house" and left with his gun. so I talked to the operator and gave them his tag number and they were able to get him right away pretty much.

to cut that part short, basically the police couldnt commit him anywhere because he never said directly "im going to hurt myself, or im going to commit suicide" even though it was implied. officer said that since he lives there, they couldnt make him leave. but he suggested that since i was going to the courthouse anyway, that I should file for a motion to evict him then he would have no choice but to leave. he tried to keep talking to me and my mom about it and that i forced him into this decision because he wasnt financially ready yet to be on his own. and i said so because it should be over between us, and because you werent ready for that yet, you want to kill yourself? what about sd???? I mean honestly. He has done this stuff before, talking about hurting himself when we almost broke up the first time a year ago. anyway, i called his mom to let her know what was going on with her son and now i almost wish i didnt.

i ended up leaving to stay with a family member because i cant be there with him. He supposed to go to work tonight, but who knows if he is. he was texting me about hurting himself with a knife now that since his gun was taken away (which he can get back in a few days, and he said that he would just do it then) so i told him mom to try to call him. well she called me and tried to ask me why i was ending it and that there had to be someone else for me to 'suddenly feel this way' and that the car parking crooked incident shouldnt of scared me because i knew he was an angry person before hand. I know she is loyal to her son, but some of the things she was saying were awful. the last thing she said to me to where i couldnt take it anymore was "you probably want him to go through with killing himself so its an easy way out for you" I was speechless and pretty much hung up on her then. i NEVER thought she was like that. but it makes sense. she stayed with abusive men and didnt see H's anger as an issue. and even after I told her about the cheating text messages, she still asked me why the sudden change of heart. I dont want him to hurt himself. I think he's just doing it all for attention. I havent heard back from him, but he still has to leave my moms house soon. Threatening suicide is no joke.

after MIL said that to me I cried and cried. Because I want a divorce, my H threatens to kill himself. I already feel horrible enough. God I really didnt think my night was going to go like this... if you guys pray or send good thoughts this way, especially for my H. He needs help.