Suggestions on House Rules-Now that SD15 is living with us full time.
I would appreciate any suggestions that you may have regarding house/family rules that will make this transition easier for all of us. I would also appreciate any constructive advice for myself on how to deal with a teenager in my home. I am still trying to figure out how to parent a 5 year old and I have no clue how to help guide DH in parenting a 15 year old. I am going to try to stay disengaged as far as parenting but I know I am a bit of a control freak and don't know if I will be able to hand all responsibility over to DH all the time.
She has already left soda cans in the living room and a wet towel on the bathroom floor. Little things that because her BM is a messy gross mess does not bother her but it will drive me to the mental hospital.
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RESPONSIBILITY CHART!!! Make
RESPONSIBILITY CHART!!!
Make her responsible, she wants to live there, then there are going to be rule and chores. Just make things clear and honestly I would write down all rules and expectations. Also make consequences known- grounding, loss of phone, etc.
For example:
Before you leave the house, your room must be clean.
After dinner do the dishes.
You are responsible for your own laundry.
Vacuum every Thursday after school.
Grades must be a B average.
Homework will be reviewed nightly.
No back talk.
Curfew is 10pm sharp.
My oldest SS is 16, the
My oldest SS is 16, the younger one is 11.
We have house rules I think the one that has made the most difference - for the better is:
No electronics in bedrooms after bed time. This means iPhone, iPods, Nooks etc. The electronics are to be left in the kitchen. If we (DH & I) catch them with it they lose it for the next day.
^ Definitely a good one.
^ Definitely a good one. Though, we got a lot of fighting back from SD13 on this one last summer when she visited. We had SD keep her phone plugged in on the dining room table each night, but, she would sneak out of her room after we (or just I on nights FDH worked) went to bed and grab it and stay up all night texting.
SS11 did this a couple of
SS11 did this a couple of times too. So DH takes all the electronics from the kitchen table and brings them into our bedroom for the night. This has worked out well for us.
~BettyRay
That's probably gonna be
That's probably gonna be FDH's move should SD come to visit again.
i'd keep it simple. OWM
i'd keep it simple. OWM above has some great ideas but i'd simplify it cuz you will be repeating and repeating and repeating....
for example -
rule #1 - clean up after yourself
rule #2 - take care of yourself
rule #3 - take care of your home
rule #4 - take care of your family.
once she gets the basics, then you can go into specifics that are expected and always refer back to a basic rule as the principle for it.
for example, if she doesnt vacuum on thurs after school -
"SD, you havent vacuumed yet. please do so."
"but i'm busy, i dont want to, wah wah wah"
"family rule - take care of your home. now hop to it."
just a suggestion
expect some pushback. and expect to put yourself on auto-repeat...
^ These are good because
^ These are good because they're HOUSE rules and not just rules for SD. They're things that everyone abides by, so, if you get any blowback about how it's unfair to have all those rules on just SD, you can easily show her how everyone follows them.
My best advice, besides
My best advice, besides listening to the above comment (GREAT advice up there) instead of just letting them use media (ipod, xbox, computer) whenever they want, we have recently started only letting our son use them as rewards to good behavior rather than encourage them to do this whenever they are bored.
Using good manners all week? An hour on the computer at night before bed.
Grades up above a B average and they passed a test with flying colors? Let them choose a fun day type outing (bowling, movies) and if they do better than a B (A-, A, or A+) Let them do it with friends and no nagging parents along. Just pick them up, and drop them off.
Keep the chores list done and all that? Let them have some time on the xbox
This has been doing wonders for my 5 year old. He has such great manners and my family comments all the time on how we get such a young child to be so well behaved?? --> Use the right 'incentive' (aka a bribe. lol)
I agree with this too! You
I agree with this too! You have to give something to make them try. $, electronic time, going out for fun things. This is very good advice!
Our house rules were pretty
Our house rules were pretty simple.
No food or drink in bedrooms.
Never leave ANYTHING in the common areas.
Major chores once a month and trade days for garbage.
Scrub and load your own dishes. (I unload because I am a control freak too)
You can keep room how you like, but if it smells, you will be made to make it sparkle.
BE NICE TO ANIMALS. YOU WILL GO BEFORE THEM!!
If any of these are not followed, the BIO parent takes care of it.
Love your house rules. Good
Love your house rules. Good idea.
Here's my question, how the
Here's my question, how the heck do you all enforce these rules? They buy thier own stuff (phones etc) so cannot take that away, they are so fudging lazy making them do extra chores would be more painful for me than them..... etc.
Thanks to hubby who is just as lazy
What is your discipline? Because, we have none at our house....
Yes you can take it away. Why
Yes you can take it away. Why not? Its your house. You can do whatever the hell you want. Your home should not be a democracy, it should totalitarianism at its finest. I don't care what my kids buy themselves, are given or anything else. If they are in trouble it is mine.
Screw benevolence! LOL If
Screw benevolence! LOL If they are in trouble I am Kim Jong-un! LOL
In our world it doesn't
In our world it doesn't matter who bought the electronic device the skids are still children and we are the adults it's up to us, as adults, to provide boundaries to help them, the children, grow up to be productive citizens.
The skids are not our equals, they aren't our friends either. DH tells the skids all the time that he's not their friend till after their 18.
~BettyRay
Our three big ones
Our three big ones are:
Respect everyone in the house.
Do one chore a day (make a chore chart so she knows which one she is responsible for each day)
Get good grades.
Now there are little ones:
Food/drinks only allowed in kitchen, dining room and on the porch.
Bedroom 'picked up' daily. cleaned weekly. (vaccumed dusted etc)
Assign her a day to do her own laundry
IF you have pet peeves (wet towels on the floor of the bathroom, clothes left in the bathroom etc) NOW is the time to train her. DO NOT wait weeks, if you let her get into the habit of being lazy... she will resist all efforts to make her unlazy.
BTW at our house:
Dating only happens on Friday and saturday nights, same for sleep over with friends during the school year.
24 hour notice if she needs to go anywhere, has an extra curricular etc.
Any grade c or lower they are required to attend after school tutoring.
Back talk/attitude gets electronics removed.
I was hoping you would put in
I was hoping you would put in your words of wisdom!
My teen skids are now pretty
My teen skids are now pretty much well trained pups.
But you have to train them, roll up a newspaper and wack them on the nose when they step out of line (metaphorically speaking). Once a teenager realizes: Ok here are the boundaries... stay inside them then 80% of the time life is kind of smooth.
The other 20% is made up of 14% hormones (there is no logic or reasoning them out of dumb ass decisions made due to this condition)
and 4%: Wing stretching: if I do push the boundary... will I get caught? Am I smarter than the parental units? Am I sneaky enough?
And ... the last 2%? My DS had this issue: KNEW whatever he wanted to do was outside the boundary... KNEW without a doubt he was going to get in trouble... and he would weight the pros and cons... was the instant gratification of breaking the rules worth the punishment that would follow... if he felt it was, he would do it. If he figured the punishment would be far worse than the gradification was fun, he wouldn't do it.
At the age of 16 he calculated his percentages incorrectly.
And found himself with a parental lock out on his WOW (world of warcraft) account for 45 days.
ugh the thought of a teenage
ugh the thought of a teenage step daughter living with me haunts me each and everyday. Have one that is 18 years old and in college. Don't like her and never did. Very arrogant, childish, vindictive, and fake. I feel for you. The best thing i would do is enforce those rules and stick by them. Make her clean those soda cans up and wet towels she leaves on the floor. If she gives you any dirty looks about it, i would get her behind closed doors and tell her that if she doesn't like rules, she can surely pack her things up and go live with BM. Not sure why she is there with you in the first place. Usually they choose to live with BM most of the time. I always tell my princess of a SD that if she left something sitting out that she needs to put it back and I tell her this in front of her dad. If he gets smart with me, i tell him off. Not putting up with his crap either. He knows better though, he never wins. They are all brats. I think the BMs tell their kids that they don't have to listen to their Step Mothers. That's why they end up disrespecting us (or at least trying to) I just don't put up with anything. Not even my husband. Nip her behavior in the bud early while she just started living there because if you don't she will take advantage of you later. Trust me.