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happy's picture

Submitted by happy on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 8:11pm

Hi everyone, its been a long time since I have been here and a lot has happened. I am looking to see what you all think about a situation I am currently in. I guess a little validation..

SD is 21 with a child, and my daughter is now 16. My issue is this, every time SD does anything for my daughter, and I mean anything, she owes her, either money for gas, or babysitting in return. So I said it will not happen anymore, why can't you just do something nice for her, and not expect anything in return. That turned into about 30 text about how I am wrong, and selfish pretty much and all this crap.

Would you expect payment from your brother or sister, whether step or not for them asking you to do something you agreeing and then you say oh yeah gas money or something?

I had 3 sisters growing up and they just did things for me with out expecting payment on any kind.

Thanks,
Happy

Comments

Not_Having_Fun's picture

Submitted by Not_Having_Fun on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 8:21pm

I wouldn't think that there should always be something expected in return. It depends how often & what kind of favours are being asked as occasionally a request for fuel money or something isn't bad but I do say occasionally.

When I was 16 I went & lived with my sister for about 3 months during which time she & her DH fed me, drove me places, paid for all household expenses for me & they didn't ask a thing in return. I'm eternally grateful for their kindness considering they were relatively newlywed & in their early twenties. That situation is probably a lot larger than the situations with your SD & DD but goes to show that family do things for each other without always expecting to be reimbursed.

Annanymous's picture

Submitted by Annanymous on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 1:02am

I can see it both ways. She might see it as she is being asked a lot of favors and feeling used too. It's all about the perspective. If she is also a really young single mother, maybe she can't afford to drive your daughter all around.

happy's picture

Submitted by happy on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 3:46pm

Ok, so just a little update. MY DH and i talked some last nite about the situation. he agrees with me that he has seen his daughter do this to my daughter quite a bit, but said i didn't bring it up at the right time. So I said well when is the right time? Anyways, so he asked if we (SD and I) have spoken, i said no. I explained my perception of his daughter and which I said "she has never liked me but is nice to achieve whatever she can to get what she wants", he said my kids have never liked you and prolly never will, I knew that deep down inside have for a very long time, but I guess hearing it yes it hurts. But I also know that I am excluding his kids out of my life. I don't know how thats gonna work but I am going to focus on my husband and my two kids, and love my granddaughter if I can. Depends on if his daughter lets us see her.
honestly its not me per say, its my SK cannot get over the fact that my husband and there mother are not together I can't change that. I can't change the fact that they are in the mode of not wanting to get to know me and actually give me a chance so I am done trying. it wouldn't matter who my husband was with, it would be the same no matter what because his kids even at 27 and 21 want mommy and daddy together and can't.
The worst part is that I always worry that because of there behavior my husband will say bye to me. And I don't want that. We have actually tried that a few times and end up staying together...
I am just going to love him and my two and forget them.. Can't love someone who doesn't wanna be loved right..