Mother in law question....
I spoke to my mother in law today and I had mentioned that I'll be throwing a bday party for my daughter. Her first question was are you combining your stepson's bday too w/hers? I said no, I don't want to have to deal w/his mother about sharing the party together. And plus I don't have enough room to add more guest to the list. I don't know what she is thinking...every year she asks me the same question and every year I tell her no. Am I missing something you guys? I don't think I should be responsible for throwing a party for my stepson...it's not my job to worry about that. What do you guys think? Is mother in law trying to tell me something? Sometimes I feel like mother in law is on exwife side, she knows what I & my husband go through w/the ex and yet she acts all nice to the ex and even carry a conversation w/her and offer to help watch stepson. She never offers to watch my daughter at all. What's the story...please help me figure this out. THANKS for you input.
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I think it depends on
I think it depends on everyones individual situation. I combined a birthday party one year for my daughter and SD one year and would never do it again. She complained the whole time about the decorations,didn't thank anyone for the gifts, etc and basically ruined my daughter's birthday party. Do you guys participate in the birthday party his mom throws for him? I think as long as you do something with him for his birthday, you shouldn't be expected to combine the party.
As far as the MIL thing goes, my husband's mother has always been the same way. It's gross, but I don't think it matters how many kids we have together, she's always going to prefer the kids that were born first. I don't have a suggestion there as we just stop having anything to do with her.
Hi Allyceson..
Thanks for sharing. I do agree with you on combining parties, I do not like to do that. His mom does not invite us to his bday party if she sets it up. We don't invite her to our party we set up either. I just can't stand it when mother in law is so focused on stepson and always asking about him and never about how my daughter. I just get irritated. Why the different treatment? I've been ignoring it for years, one day I'll just tell her straight out that I am not responsible for stepson, so stop asking me questions about him, I don't know and I hardly see stepson.
-happy mom
I am not sure of her angle..
I think that you should actually one of these days ask her what the deal is? I think she is trying to tell you something.. Not sure what it is.. But I know that my mom does not treat step g-kids the same as she treats bio's. And to me that is irritating.. But anywho. I think you should just ask her. You will never know and drive yourself nuts trying to figure it out..
Hi Happy...
Yes I will ask her what the deal is. I feel like she is giving me a hint but don't know what. I told her that I won't be combining the parties because I just don't want to deal w/ex wife. I guess I'll tell her that we'll take stepson out for dinner and have a cake, maybe then she'll be happy.
-happy mom
I think that will help..
Clear up what she is trying to say to you with out you having to be a mind reader. I think the worst part of it is that she herself makes you probably feel a little uncomfortable with the ex.. I too feel that way with my in laws.. They hated the woman when she was with my husband but as soon as they get a divorce its all she is so wonderful. Never batting an eye at anything that she did to there son. Ooh I hate that. Dinner last night they were all asking her children oh how is your mom, did she get a new car.. And I am sorry but I try very hard to forget she was there in his life even though they have two children.
I am like you its not that I want to be that way to them but there are so many things that I just cannot forget about. You know. My SS and I have gotten into it twice and he's said some pretty crappy things to me.. And the worst of it all is I was the one who got him his job and did his laundry and all that. And the SD well things were good until I put my foot down to the Birthday dinners with the ex-wife (mommy dearest). It was very uncomfortable. The SD is only nice to me when she wants something. And I am not like that. I am nice to everyone. Unless you give me reason not to be. I am glad that I am not alone on this.. I mean I love his kids, and personally he treated my kids like this kinda when we were just dating and moving in together.. But for like a year now he is really awesome to them.
I honestly would never want to take there mom's place but I don't need to be reminded by them or anyone else for that matter that they were HS sweethearts and they were so young and they almost made it 20 years.. I do not want to be reminded.. You know.. I know its there past and all but shut up already..
Ok I am done venting for now.. Thanks for the ear.. or eyes should I say..
Maybe do this....
First of all, do you guys or your husband's family get invited to the party that biomom has? If not, then maybe you could just have a very small party at your house for your stepson. Just invite the in-laws and maybe a friend for stepson. You could invite some family from your side too. Have a cake, etc. Just something small so stepson and the in-laws don't feel left out.
Just an idea.
Dawn
Good Idea..
That is a good idea Dawn..
That does make sense.. Maybe the in-laws would rather go to there son's house for the party..
Being a blended family is so hard.. And it really shouldn't be.. Because we are all suppose to love one another..
Hi Dawn, no we don't get
Hi Dawn, no we don't get invited, and even if she does I wouldn't go. Yes I'll take your suggestion on having a small party for stepson, take him out to dinner and a cake. The thing of it is, my in laws don't come anyways when we invite them, so why even bother asking me if I should combine the parties. What the heck?
-happy mom
Flip the script
Maybe suggest MIL have a party for both since you don't have much room and all!
That's funny but I agree,
That's funny but I agree, she'll freak out when I ask her that. She will probably say no thank you. They don't even come when I invite my in laws so why all the questions about combining the parties???? Driving me crazy, thanks for your input.
-happy mom