Just wondering...
SS is w/his mom 22 days of the month. Does that have an effect on the child's personality? SS is very very sensitive, he'll cry if you scold him or discipline him. It's a bit alarming I think. Don't know if his mom let's him cry but when he is at our house, my husband won't stand for it and he tells him to stop crying and be a man! Be strong and don't be a wimp. What is it like in your situation?
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Personally..
I let my son cry.. Because I think crying is healthy.. It cleanses a person. Now if my son cried all the time I would be alarmed. But I think every kid cries when they are scolded.. I think its normal..
I think any kid that is in a divorced situation is more sensitive then a child who is in a home where the parents are still married in a healthy loving marriage.. Not all kids who's parents are together because the relationship between the parents is crappy. But I think it also depends on how strong the child is. I was a strong kid and I went thru all that. SO who knows.. But I think it does have something to do with it.. for sure..
I never thought about it
I never thought about it that way, child from divorced family tends to become a sensitive individual. That could be the reason I suppose.
-happy mom
I do too.
I know I am a way more sensitive person then my friend from HS.. Her parents are still married today. I just think that kids who are in broken homes which my kids are in it too are a little more sensitive. Yet my kids will tell you too. I mean they just seem to be more sympathetic to certain things..
As a matter of fact my other friend is the same way. She is a very harsh person and it is because she is so comfortable with herself. I think we who are and have been in the divorced family situation are very lost and confused for a time being. Your comfort zone disappears. The man who raised me, him and my mom split when I was 23 and let me tell you my world crashed down around me and I was married with my own babies.. I was totally devastated. I have since moved on with my life but I still think about all that. It is hard...I know for a fact that my step kids have issues from it. My kids do to maybe not as severe because its been 7 years.. so my son was 6 months and my daughter almost 3.. So they are used to it. But yet they still say once in awhile I wish.. I just try to explain it to them.
My daughter is growing out of it.. My son just gets mad and gives dirty looks more so now.. SO it will all work out..
In our situation...
My kids are day & night. The girl tends to be very stoic and the boy tends to whine or cry more easily. I don't think either one is healthy in the extreme... He is a sensitive kid and wears his emotions...most of the time they are born out of frustration. (I think that the ADD doesn't help) We try to deal with it by getting him to talk it out and express how he's feeling in words...(rather than tears or whines) The whining used to be more of a problem when he was younger, not so much anymore. We use humour quite a bit..it's hard to whine when your laughing!!!
It's sometimes hard to make adjustments for different personalities....but we have to take individuals..at face value.
A parent told me today that
A parent told me today that ADD stems from the child's diet? Is that true? Too much preservatives, sugar foods?
-happy mom
I don't think it's entirely
I don't think it's entirely true...it might be a contributing factor. Too much sugar and junk will mess anybody up...but it doesn't explain why ADD kids have the ongoing problems they do and non-ADD kids don't.. even when they may eat 3 times the sugar & junk.
I believe it is a brain disorder, manageable with medication & behavior management..(recognize your handicap and work around it)
I have a terrible memory..(probably related to my thyroid problem) so I write things down..put my stuff (keys)in the same place everyday..so I know exactly where to find them...that's what I tell my son to do... Recognize your strengths & weaknesses..Learn to work with or around them. HE does his homework afterschool. while he still has meds in his system instead of struggling for hours after-supper when he's tired and the meds have worn off and he can't focus anymore...(which he used to end up in tears)
I picked up a really good book a couple years ago..which described some pretty extensive studies of ADD brains using MRI's and what happens to them as the child tries to focus on something.. compared to a non ADD brain. It showed pictures and everything..its' pretty dramatic..what actually happens to them. You can see the actual physical change...no wonder they struggle with things.
Having said all that....
I also think that increases in cancer, asthma, diabetes, infertility, etc (ADD) maybe are connected somehow to our foods & the chemicals we surround ourselves with & ingest, etc. But they have also become a part of our genetic makeup....
I make sure my son has protein for breakfast..to help feed his brain. Try to limit sugary snacks..especially in school....and I have also given him suppliments such as multi-vitamins, minerals and omega 3-6-9...brain food..I'm told.
So I try to do whatever I think will help him.....I'm open to pretty much everything......
Another thing I've read ..(I think this comes from a non-mainstram group) is putting them on a very strict diet..no preservative, milk products, wheat products a...long long list. I knew a women with extreme allergies and she went on a similar "environmental" diet.. she did feel better..but didn't have much to eat on the acceptable list.
My son doesn't have alot of meat on his bones....he would choose starve to death before he would adhere to it..or stomach what little he was allowed to consume..
So quality of life ...is an issue as well
He does OK.....he's a good kid!!!
I don't think that the full story on cause of ADD is known.
I really don't think that the full story on what causes ADD is known. There is speculation about lots of things and I am certain that in some cases it is environmental.
That's true.....that's what
That's true.....that's what makes it hard to deal with sometimes. You want to help so much....but there are so many theories..about what should or shouldn't be done. SO I try to take some truth out of all of it.
I totally agree w/you on the
I totally agree w/you on the impact of mom on son. He acts just like her, get's upset w/little things. Even gets upset at his younger sister who is 4 yrs old younger than him for little unimportant things. My daughter is a tough girl and does not cry and whine like her older brother. I'm her mother but I'm tough and I teach my daughter to be the same too, be strong and resolve your problems and not to be afraid. I can see that stepson's mom is the opposite of me, stepson is overly sensitive just like his mother. She would jump to conclusions and be angry for little stuff or if she misunderstood things.
-happy mom
I definatly think that
I definatly think that whoever the child spends the majority of the time with the child has the most impact. My stepson lives with his mom. He has no male role model on a day to day basis. He also spends a great deal of time with his grandma (her mother). He is very sensitive, my husband calls it "soft". I try and explain that becasue he spends most of his time with girls he is learing more about how women bahave than how men behave.
I agree with you..
My son is sensitive to a point.. But a lot of that is because it was me and his sister and him for a long time.. SO he is sensitive. Which if you think about it.. Wouldn't we all love it sometimes if our men were a little more sensitive to our needs and feelings.. i think that by a boy spending more time with a woman he will tend to be more sensitive to his GF or wife someday.. I will let you all know in 10-13 years.. LOL..
But think about it.. am I off base with thinking that..
I agree w/you too, so scary
I agree w/you too, so scary though. If stepson grows up to be soft, he will have a difficult time in the future. That is what worries me but nothing I can do of course but toughen him up when I see him.
-happy mom
My family does it....my
My family does it....my family situation is definitely one for the record books…There is my mom, my dad and stepmom (my dad has raised me all my life...he and my mom married when I was a baby and divorced when I was 12 or 13 but he is the only DAD I’ve EVER KNOWN) and my biological father and his wife (we just “rekindled” a relationship about 5 years ago and are still working on it…) So at my wedding they were all there, at my recent graduation party, they were all there…it is always an interesting explanation…so playing corn hole in my back yard at my party were me and my step mom on a team against my dad and my biological father’s wife while my mom stood on the sidelines laughing (I’m pretty bad!) and helping keep score!! My stepmom has sent my mom medicine when she was sick (my stepmom is a nurse)…they all manage to get along VERY WELL (especially given the fact that my stepmom and my dad started out as an affair…she has since apologized to my mom and it’s been 13+ years!) Sadly, I don’t EVER see that being a possibility for me and the girls moms…. and it is not b/c I don’t believe in it…I mean I have the example of how it can work…it is b/c they are VERY IGNORANT!!!!!!!
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