O/T - just have a feeling
So every once in a while I get this deja vu feeling. It's weird. I will be in themiddle of something and think...hey I had a dream that this exactly happened. So...here I am...having one.
I just read a blog, and as I'm reading it, I'm thinking "I dreamt about this. I was reading a blog about this at work, and my phone went off. DH found out my "secret" safe place. He found it on the computer and figured out who I was and read and is mad that I would say such things about him an skids, his mother, etc" Well...so far my phone hasn't gone off...but I'm not going to lie...it has me feeling uneasy.
The site is anonymous. I find great relief being able to vent out my frustrations here to people who are in the same situation as me and are "outsiders". I get great advice, support and some times validation for my feelings...and although DH doesn't control what I can or can't do, I really don't want my safe haven compromised. Let's hope this time is one of those times that the "weird dream I had and now is happening" isn't completely on track and my safe haven is still my little "secret".
- hangingbyathread6's blog
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I have never spoken a word
I have never spoken a word about this site with anyone actually. Not even my BFF. It's mine, just mine. Just a day or so ago I was on this site at home, and didn't hear him come in the house so when I realized he was there I quick closed the site. He asked me what I was doing, and I said, oh just reading some stuff, looking at some things. Nothing big...how about you? How was your day?
He doesn't usually snoop on me. He scrolls through FB on my account. I have the app on the ipad so it's readily available there without any need for log in information. He says he hates FB but he will go in to FB and read what's going on with our mutual friends, stuff like that. I have no problem with that as I have nothing to hide, so he can look all he wants if necessary. There's nothing sordid going on with me or any FB friends that I need to keep him in the dark.
It's just because I read that blog and it was the content of what was in my dream...an O/T blog entry, and that just the other day DH saw me on this site, although he didn't know what it was.
And really, him reading some of this may help him through his feelings and anger with his mother, and that boundaries are healthy and all the stuff I discuss isn't me being ridiculous, but how things really are despite the deep want of it to be the other way and happy and easy. And maybe someday I would share this place with him, but right now, it's my place. It's my space where I can say what I want and people who deal with the same crap understand. Even my BFF who I generally tell everything to doesn't know about this and doesn't know a lot of what's going on because she doesn't understand. She doesn't have kids of her own for one, so she really doesn't understand the skid concept much (although she herself had a SM due to her mother dying when she was in her early teens), and she doesn't exactly have a rock solid, faithful marriage therefore her advice on marriage and kids isn't really helpful. I just like that I can come here and vent, or ask questions, or whatever. It's something I do for me. It's something that helps me out. And I just don't necessarily want to share it with anyone right now.