The past week has been difficult. Well mostly since last Thursday. Two of my kids were annoying me, my skids were annoying me, my DH annoying me, and over the weekend BM and MIL irritating the fuck out of me. My YDD and my DS came back from their mid week "visit" with BD in quite the moods. DD12 was on her royal snotty, question EVERYTHING attitude. By Saturday, I had enough!! After being questioned yet again about where I was going, how long I would be gone, why did I need to go by her (after telling her I was going to pick up my van with DH from my Aunt's home because I had let her borrow it) and making me feel like I need to ask HER permission I kinda gave it to her. Said, "Oh I'm sorry DD, do I have a curfew? Or an allotted amount of time I can be gone? Would that be 10 mins? 20? What time do I need to be home? Guess what I am NOT YOUR child...you are MINE and I told you what I was doing so you would be aware." I got a snotty, "OKAAAAYYY! Geeze I was just asking!!" My response...and you had the whole picture before the questions, I don't need to be interrogated by you. My DS7 came back from BD's whiney as all get out. MOOOOOMMMMM snuggle with me. MOOOOOMMMMM I'm bored. MOOOOOOOMMMM when are we going? MOOOOOOOMMM when are we leaving to go back home. TO which I responded, "Stop with the MOOOOOOMMMM whininess kid. You are almost 8. You are a big boy. I told you when we would be leaving or I told you what time we where heading home or I told you that I'm busy doing something right now" DROVE ME CRAZY!!!!

Then add my SSs being lazy and disrespectful, my MIL and her constant badgering of DH who was getting irritated and of course it gets directed at me, the non existent apology from SS14, the tumultuous counseling session, psycho BM and her passive aggressive and harassing texts and then discussions with MIL, and MIL who continues to play both sides of the fence and then straight up LIES to DH to cover her interaction with BM...and now a stupid little argument with DH that has turned into a BIG argument.

It was hot here yesterday....scorching hot, unusual for our area. Got home from work, DH and I picked up subway rather than cook because the house was so hot. Warning: this may be TMI for readers, but it's my blog and I'm getting my feelings out. Peeled off my clothes down to bra and underwear because my clothes were sticking to me, no kids in the house this week so I CAN, DH is also lounging out of his clothes again because we CAN. DH and I are planning a trip for our one year anniversary. He hands me the iPad to start looking at stuff. After about a half an hour DH gets up, put his clothes on, I look at him and say, "Where are you going?" DH: "I'm going for a ride" Now I know this is stupid, but it hurt my feelings. Just gets up and starts getting dressed and I have to ask what he is doing, and the response is I'm going for a bike ride. Not "hey hanging, it's hot, let's go for that bike ride to the beach we talked about earlier. Our trip isn't for a few weeks, we can look another time" Nope just without a word, gets dressed and only after being asked states what he is doing. It hurt my feelings, like he didn't want me with him. He apparently was "put out" because we were lying around damn near naked and I didn't even react. I was too busy on the iPad...yeah taht YOU told me to look into things to do. WTH???? I was damn near naked too, you weren't groping me, thought we were trying to be cool...UGH. I get a "you can come if you want" So I go, but I ask "what's wrong? why are you upset? why were you just taking off without me?" So tense feelings for an hour. We get back home and he says "why don't you call that place about the room that hasn't called back yet?" I looked at him and said "okay but you tell me you were upset and hurt because you were naked and I was too busy looking up things for our trip, but the minute we are in the house you hand me the phone and say 'call the place we wanted to stay that didn't call back yet' Really?" He says "well a nice day pretty much got ruined." I said, "I told you my feelings were hurt that you just got up and said you were going for a ride like you were excluding me and if I had not asked what you were doing you would have just left. You have done nothing about that." I got a huffy "I'm sorry." as he walked by. SOrry...don't believe you. So I look at him and say " An apology doesn't mean anything if you just say it in an annoyed and irritated tone, without even looking at the party you are apologizing to, and without sounding genuine." He sits and ignores me for a half an hour. Looking at his phone. Now all the tension, stress and irritation at how he doesn't see the double standard, how he seems to NOT have been listening at all to the counselor build up. I threw the dishrag in the sink, looked at him and said, "SIT THERE!!! SIT THERE for a half an hour, ignoring me completely. I spelled out exactly how I felt and WHAT I needed from you, and instead of DOING that, you do NOTHING" He responds, "you treat me like I'm stupid. Telling me what I need to do." My response, "Do you not ALWAYS say, I don't know what you want from me, I don't know what to do, I need a little help? So I told you EXACTLY what I needed. What you could have done to make this better IMMEDIATELY, but nooooooo sit there ignoring the situation, so that you can text me later 'love you baby', come home in the morning, climb into bed, snuggle up and all will be right in the world because you ignored it and I should just get over it. I am done getting over it!!! I'm telling you what I NEED from you in this relationship...not asking you to read my mind, telling you just what I need so you KNOW and don't have to guess....but NOW I'm treating you like you're stupid?" UGH

So later he texts me from work with the "sucks that a good day turned to shit" text and that he is still stung by what I said in counseling last week (the GTFO of my life, which I apologized for and for losing my cool that evening). But I'M the one who CONSTANTLY brings up the past and never lets anything go!!?? NO!!! What doesn't let go is the things that aren't addressed....the non apology, the behavior that isn't corrected, not things that supposedly have been handled and taken care of.

Woke up this morning for work...DH is sleeping on the couch. Fine. Told him during his bullshit last night that I will just start treating him the same way he treats me, and we will see how he likes it. That will include the ripping on his kids like he rips on mine. He had lots and lots to say and rip on about my daughter and her attitude and my son and his (and they were out of line) but I don't rip on his kids and their behavior. I will now. And I will discuss what they do with other adults while DH and I are out like he does about mine. He is really good at noticing when my kids are being difficult, but his NEVER do and if they do he has an excuse...I am the first to agree that my kids were a major pain in the ass and as terrible as it sounds, I was glad to get rid of my own to their BD for a week and get a break.

I'm angry. I would love to run away. Where no one would find me. I'm so overwhelmed and sick and tired of the constant bullshit and the childish behavior of DH. Either want to make this work, which means you have to give too or don't...I want to SCREAM!!!!

That's it!! Just made plans to meet a friend who I haven't been able to connect with in awhile for drinks after work...I don't care that it's Tuesday...I'm going to go and have some ME time...FUCK HIM