Excuse my truthiness. I don't mean to sound like I'm preaching. Just giving a SD's point of view.

When I was 9 my mother finally got rid of my first stepfather. He was just a jerk & a bully & he made everyone around him miserable. In the 5 years she was married to him she treated me with resentment. I think she felt guilty for allowing him to treat me that way so she blamed me for it. (Anyways, we've discussed these things in recent years. She's seen it from my point of view - she had no idea how scared I was of him - & she's taken responsibilty for it. All is now forgiven) After he left, we became close again. She didn't even date for a year & it was really great getting along & getting close to my mom. Then she went out with some friends of hers & brought my current stepfather home. And suddenly I was placed back upon that shelf. I even told a friend of mine that I didn't like him that much because he always took my mother away. They would go away for the weekends to fun places while I sat at home alone with my grandmother, virtually ignored. My friend told her parents who told my mother. When she confronted me about it I went back to that panic stage & lied to tell her what I thought she wanted to hear - I didn't want to get my ass beaten (she wouldn't have beaten my ass, but hindsight is 20/20.) I denied I ever said it, but my mother made sure to start making special time for me. Looking back, I understand it from an adult's point of view. Logically she wasn't doing anything wrong, but the change was hard, especially after going through the crap I had previously gone through. I was too young to understand at the same time I was too young to experience the crap I did. It's really difficult for a child to lose that connection with a parent, especially if they have a fear of abandonment. How more so is that feeling after the parents split up.

Change is hard for adults, much less for kids. We all need some stability in our lives.