Had it out with BF last night about SD
So once again, I left the room (to take a shower) and came back to find only BF and SD10 cuddled up watching tv again. SS13 playing games in another room, not so strange, and my girls are at their dad's.
It just set me off though. I confronted him about all this attention that "the leech" (hhmmmm.. a new name?) is getting. That I am sick and tired of her egotism, and that it is his fault. I pointed the finger directly at him. I even told him that I like his daughter, think she is a great kid but that she is turning into a self centered little monster because of his over the top treatment of her.
Well, it did not go well. We talked for an hour. I cried, he brooded.
This may not end well I am sad to say.
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Hey honey! What about
Hey honey!
What about scheduling the time out with BF and SD? Or having it done in hour intervals? For example, after an hour of BF and SD cuddling together watching T.v, so at this point BF would know to tell SD "Run along honey and play your room"
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
He said he is going to talk
He said he is going to talk to the counselor again. He had stopped going. I pointed out to him last night that he told me a few months ago that he was going to the counselor to see if we could work this out.
It is worse right now because she is home from school. They are bored during the day, so she leeches at night. I sleep, so I am not entertaining them.
I am so so so confused by my feelings of it all. I want her to have a good relationship with her dad, something I never had, that my children will never have. I just don't want to live with a monster that takes my place on the couch.
I was leaving for a sleep study, so it is not like I had time to spend with him anyway.
This just really sucks. I hate this rollercoaster. It is like I cannot settle down with 1 thought on it.
thanks MM.
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
Freedom, did you read my
Freedom, did you read my response on your other blog?
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
Yes MM, I did. I think I am
Yes MM, I did. I think I am just down right now. I do hope we can get this straightened out.
There was a time a few months ago, he did stop giving in to her so much, she was a joy to be around. With this recent sleep thing I think she is feeling the pull even harder. It really all started over when they went out of state for Thanksgiving. She slept with him for 2 nights of 4.
I saw the change when they got back. She had started the clingy thing again.
The problem really is that I question our relationship too. Sometimes I question if I am here so he can have his kids full time. If he tolerates me so he can have his house and kids. I have not felt like this for a few months, but it is really starting to surface badly.
I go to the counselor on Monday. I am hoping to be feeling better before then though.
thanks again MM. You are so sweet!
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
((((HUGS)))) girl, I'll be
((((HUGS)))) girl, I'll be thinking about you! I hope the counseling session goes well on Monday. Is BF going with?
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
Not as of yet. I am not sure
Not as of yet. I am not sure I will offer this time. I think I need to talk to her on my own first. I want to know if there is anything I can do for myself first. If I get a gem of an idea from her, I will share!!!!
LOL!!
Thanks again!!!
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
Awesome story! It is exactly
Awesome story! It is exactly like that. It made more sense when they were not here ALL THE TIME. They are here most of the time now. BM only gets limited visitation. My kids are here less!
I use to get the attention when they were not around, but now it seems like it is a battle all the time. I got so sick of how his kids were at Christmas, even HE did but did he say anything to them NO!
I just read what I think he feels "they will grow out of it"
He keeps saying, "kids do that"
I finally came up with a retort, "yes, they do, and they need to be shown NOT to do that"
Thanks again, I will defiantly keep you all posted!!
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
What is with the cuddling
What is with the cuddling thing these days???!!! I had to get my DH to stop doing that with SS9 last year (my ss lives with us and BM has limited visitation)!!! I think my parents stopped cuddling with me when I was 3 or 4. I can't even remember cuddling with my parents. BM STILL cuddles with SS9. Affection is one thing, but the cuddling thing creeps me out after a certain age.
Also, why do kids have to be entertained 24/7??? I do remember my parents saying "oh youre bored, ill give you something to do (chores)" and we would stop being bored all of a sudden.
In counseling, we were told that by babying SS and entertaining him all of the time that he will never become self reliant. That is what made the bell go off for my DH (someone else had to tell him before he would believe me).
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I hear ya on the chores
I hear ya on the chores thing. BF has done that before I moved in, before he had them 24/7. He says he wants them to WANT to be with him since they can't be with their mom right now. I don't think he understands that being a push over will not get him respect from his kids. His son hates the fact that BF gives in so easily to SD10. Hence, less respect. SD10 knows he is a push over, hence again, no respect. My kids respect him, because I demand it. Am I a push over sometimes, sure, can't be so rigid all the time. Plus, I had SD10 doing all sorts of little things to help me tonight with no question or complaint. She WANTS to help! Bah.....
I would not mind the cuddling if it did not push me out. I like to cuddle with my kids too. However, I do not choose them over my SO.
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
LOL I can see this exactly!
LOL I can see this exactly! I wish I could get something like that to happen, but most people think that it is cute that he is so attentive to his daughter. His brother is the same way. Yell at his nephew, coddle his niece.
Once BF's brother told me, "Don't get on her, she is innocent"
Now what he meant was that she is a little girl, she can't do any wrong.
I know that having my girls around helps, they don't get the same treatment and she sees that. My girls are happy kids for the most part. They call her out when she is nasty to them, they tell me and I ask her what happend. LOL she owns up to it and I tell her that it was not nice. I do not punish her. I tell her it was not nice and watch her sulk her head.
I am luckier than most, my SD10 does like me. She knows I mean her no harm. She asked to spend more time with me at the counselors!
It is her DAD that I have the issue with!! LOL
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
My heart and thoughts go out
My heart and thoughts go out to you that you can work this out Freedom, it sounds like a tough situation, I too question if I am here to take care of clean up after etc etc for bf's kids. Keep up the strength. I too am guilty of the satisfaction one gets when bf hugs and kisses me in front of ss11. So strange that an action that happens all the time when they aren't there can cause such ripples with everyone including me, when they are there. I used to feel bad when he did it because I knew it bothered ss11. Now ss11 has been so disrespectful to me at times that I just feel all satisfied. (by the way sd8 is so delightful she just giggles and wraps her arms around both of us with us!!) I sound so immature saying that but that is what I am reduced to. I think these men just don't know what they are doing. Not their fault they just arent wired for it. When we aren't the BM and step in it is met with questions and resentment. Which makes us question ourselves and causes more resentment. I have chose to disengage when they are there EOW. It was much easier and I think his kids were happier to see me when I returned, because they know he doesn't knwo what he's doing. Case in point this is his last day with them and he stayed up last night until 5:00 am fixing his computer. Need I say more?
It is hard when the
It is hard when the resentment comes in. I see that SD10 knows that she has more power than I do. I like her I can't disengage. I want her to grow up better than her mom.
It was easier when it was EOW, but now it is 24/7.
These men don't understand.
Ya know, BF read this book "Strong fathers, Strong Daughters" and has been like this ever since. I tried to read it but it went on and on about how the mother was just hysterical and so it was Dad's part to be the rock.
It pissed me off!
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm