Question RE: our BS's
Our 2 YBS's are 7 and 8. Last month the OBS came home telling us a girl in his class kissed him. Of course, he thought it was funny but I didn't. I told him he has no business kissing girls or allowing them to kiss him until he is grown (they were both in the room) and if it happens again block the kiss and tell the girl to keep her lips off of him. I also wrote the teacher a letter to inform her so that she can inform the girl's parents of her behavior. Well Friday the YBS told me when I got home that a girl layed on his lap on the bus, he asked her to move her head and she didn't and when he tried to tell the bus driver he told my son to keep quiet and stay seated. Then the YBS said when they got to his stop the girl hugged him around his legs while she was sitting down still. Today the OBS told me again, that a different girl kissed him and told him he was her boyfriend.
I know that this isn't a huge deal but I feel like they are being somewhat kiddy violated and don't want them to think at 7/8 it's normal behavior for a little girl to behave I'm these manners. I mean, I was running from boys in the 5th grade and the last thing I would have been doing in 2nd and 3rd grade was kissing and hugging on boys. I also know that their teachers have bigger fish to fry in teaching a room full of kids. I don't know what to do andy Dh isn't much help. Should I go to the principle? Write another note to the teacher or arrange a conference with these girls parents? I know as a mother to a daughter, I would want to know if my daughter, at that age especially was acting like this. What would you all do in this situation?
- Focused_onourlife's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I'd ask the teacher to speak
I'd ask the teacher to speak with you about the issue. I'm not trying to "victim blame" here, but kids don't always tell the full version of the truth. It may be true that she kissed OBS, but it's also entirely possible that he kissed her first, or hugged her, or had some other physical contact that she thought she be reciprocated. Basically, don't go rushing in accusing these girls of doing something without first gathering all the facts, and I think a good place to start is with the teacher.
My guess is that most of this is innocent. It's kids exploring their feelings and trying to figure out why they want to hug Brian but don't want to hug Ben. "Sexual" thoughts don't start in puberty, and kids don't know what to do with their feelings because no one has taught them they are right or wrong when they are young. So, most of the time I'd imagine, kids act out what they see in media or in their own families that portrays how they feel. They aren't trying to violate personal space or get in someone's pants; they're just navigating their world through play and experience, something that, aside from sex and drugs, is encouraged of kids to do to explore their world.
The teacher did actually
The teacher did actually speak with the first little girl when I sent the note. She called me to inform me and said the little girl told her that she see her mom and aunt kiss their boyfirends that they like alot. The teacher also said she called the little girls mom and informed her. Now it's another girl doing it. My Dh said the same thing you said and pointed out how kids these days have access to the internet and unsupervised TV shows, unlike we did growing up and that's what worries me. I was cooking one day and the boy's were watching a TV show on nickelodeon with teens having boyfriends and such. I was a little outdone, seeing as though when our 18y/o was a kid how that TV station was showing strictly kid shows and nothing of the sort...
Hearing what the little girl told the teacher honestly took me back to the day I was watching my 2 SD's and walked in my bedroom to find them under the covers and my OSD was on top of my YSD. When I asked her why she was on top ofy YSD she said "that's what my mom and SD do. They were like 6 and 9 at the time.
I don't want to lump these two instances together but I don't know what to think. DH and I always peck a kiss on the lips when we part ways everyday and if the kids are around they (7/8 y/o) laugh and say "oughhh that's gross" so our son could be the one initiating because it's what he see but he said it's the girls and seem so grossed out about it. I will try a different approach with him to see if he could be the one who kissed the other girl first. Thanks hun!
I do want to emphasize, less
I do want to emphasize, less for you and more for anyone else who may comment, that I don't think it is okay for kids to kiss other kids, or hug them, or lay their head in the other's lap, without permission. If your kids say no, it means no. I was just more commenting on thinking this wasn't meant to be a sexual encounter in the way we, as adults, view sexual encounters. Basically, don't be the parent that gets kids suspended or expelled for an incident that would be best used as a teaching moment versus a punishable offense. It sounds like that is the approach you are taking.
I would recommend talking to your boys about appropriate touch versus good touch/bad touch. Hugging is appropriate if the other person is okay with it. Kissing is appropriate for family and, when they are older, someone they care about like a SO. School is not the appropriate place to kiss. Etc, etc, etc. If you have already done this, great! If not, having a more "adult" conversation about appropriate touching, places and ages for touch, etc would be good to have now since you know they are being exposed to it through school, media, and even home.life.
Getting anyone expelled is
Getting anyone expelled is the furthest thing from my mind. I'm more concerned about my boys being exposed to this type of behavior from their classmates and thinking that's a part of 'school'. I don't want them being accused of doing anything considered "sexual" towards anyone , especially because they are telling me about it and know that it's not right. I'm also concerned for these little girls (I have a daughter) and I want their parents to know so that they can teach them that's it's wrong. They are just doing what they see and need to be taught what's appropriate and not.
Then you're doing well.
Then you're doing well.
What's upsetting is if this
What's upsetting is if this were gender reversed you could be looking at all sorts of issues.
This is a big deal because it is teaching the boys that this is ok.
Body autonomy isn't just for girls.
Exactly
Exactly
Exactly
Exactly
Dontfeedthetrolls is right.
Dontfeedthetrolls is right. If your son had done this to some girl he could find himself expelled. I do not care if they see this stuff on TV. It is NOT appropriate. Are we going to lower our behavior to the lowest common denominator?
Until you get to the bottom of it I would get your son to sit next to someone else so this girl isn't able to get to him. And these girls need to lay off the boys. Time to teach your son how to get away from awkward situations.
I did send the teacher a note
I did send the teacher a note asking her to call me when she is free today. I will ask about the seating arrangement, thanks!
"Time to teach your son how to get away from awkward situations". Yep I agree, though not the topic I wanted to start with but a good example at the same time.
I would talk to the teacher.
I would talk to the teacher. If more than one child is acting inappropriately then it is likely that the school is doing little to discourage it and teach the children about how to respect each other in general.
I will be getting a call from
I will be getting a call from the teacher today, hopefully. I wondered that myself, like where are these "kisses" taking place and are the girls/boys arranging to do this.
It the rolls were reversed
It the rolls were reversed your son would've been in major shit... thus I will not leave this, I will file an official complaint and tell the school directly, this is sexual harassment, either they start teaching the kids or you will file charges
I would be concerned that
I would be concerned that somehow it could be twisted around that your boys are the aggressors. I would definitely not drop this. Because you don't want to have the bus driver see your son with a girl's head in his lap. Then the girl lies and says he put it there? Nope.. don't let this go. I am not saying the girls need to be expelled, but all the kids need to be reminded that they don't touch others without permission and even then, certain touches are not school appropriate.. like kissing.
I legit didn't even care
I legit didn't even care about dating until high school... And even then I had no interest of "hooking up" or "making out" or even kissing tbh... So it always shocks me when you have little 7 and 8 year olds doing that... I taught 5th grade for a bit.. They were SUPER concerned with finding a valentine and who was in love with who... I don't get why kids are in such a hurry to grow up...
You should keep investigating and contact people... I don't want your kid getting in trouble because girls have for some reason decided to adult in elementary school. Keep us updated!
You're in big trouble if the
You're in big trouble if the girls are already after him. Guess it's time to start "the talk." It won't be long until he'll be welcoming the advances.