DH always rationalizes SS10's behavior or covers for him.
I'm tired of it. This kid does not s*** gold bricks. He's not perfect and I don't expect him to be. I love him as my own and I treat him as my own no matter if he does something right or wrong.
When my bio son was young we lived in Italy. While we were there they converted from lira to euros. This is before step son was even born. My son had a bank which I dumped all the leftover lira I had in. I thought maybe he would like it one day since he was born and lived there.
Fast forward, my son has one of those US quarter maps that my mother got him while he was staying with her during my deployment in the Navy. The map moved with him when I came back and I continued to add state quarters as they out. Bio sons completed map falls off the wall for the umpteenth time. I put all the quarters in sons bank until I can buy some more nails (we had been using thumb tacks) .
Magically a month later SS has a bank chock full of quarters that he wants to spend. I say where did you get like 15 dollars in quarters? DH says he's given him the change when they go out. I point blank ask him if they are the quarters from my Bio sons map. He adamantly denies that they are and DH is insulted. I check BIOS mankind and low and behold a majority of the quarters are gone. Upon further inspection a majority of SS's quarters are from different states and he has Lira and durams (which I brought back and gave to my son after pulling into port in the U.A.E). DH has the nerve to get pissed at me and defend SS saying my son probably spent the quarters. I call my son the bank he never spends anything! He's a saver literally this kid had hundreds in his bank account savings for a jet ski and he's been saving since he was 5. Finally after many denials SS admitted he got quarters from a pile in the "hallway " outside my BIOS room. Bull crap to be outside his room the would be in front of the laundry room since my BIOS bedroom is right next to the laundry room at the very end of the hall. I would have seen them. DH freaking STILL sides with SS saying he only said it so I would get off his case. ARE YOU KIDDING ME DH? SS magically had almost Every state which took me YEARS to track down! SS freaking stole it and no amount of rationalizing is going to change that!
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To explain the lira and
To explain the lira and Durham's DH sad he probably gave SS those since DH was Navy and went those places too. Uh No, I was with him in the UAE and he conveyed all his money back or just used his visa to buy things. Not to mention SS was a year old after deployment and he didn't live with us until he was 5 and DH got out so we could move cross country to be near him. SS does not have foreign currency. My son does. I lived in Europe and he has currency from most countries that switched to Euros before SSwas even born. So tell me DH how does SS have it if he didn't steal it?
I have no words. I deal with
I have no words. I deal with similar things, but nothing so blatant.
Really? He has THAT much need to defend his precious?
This is so maddening - but
This is so maddening - but predictable! They need denial as the truth is just too hard for them to face. I would think of this denial as a step towards better coping mechanisms... may be you need to see a therapist... or read a book on parenting together. Men many of us are married to understand the short-comings of their offspring, i think, but feel powerless to do anything about them. This passivity will one day blow up in their own faces, as the kids, who have never been held responsible by their father, will fee free to dispose of the father himself accordingly.
The best example i have seen happened a few years ago in my SIL's house, where the 3 skids, aged 16-22, excluded my SIL's daughter, their cousin, a college student, from their sick troika. The way it played out was they deliberately behaved in ways that made her feel uncomfortable to be in the same room with them - IN HER OWN HOME! Which they were at the time visiting for the very first time! They would only talk to each other, about things she did not know, their body language, etc, everything was a weapon used to show her that she did not belong.
When my husband's sister gently pointed it out to him, calling their M.O. that of mean girls, he immediately exclaimed, Oh that is horrible! - and proceeded to do NOTHING about it. Not a thing. He never raised it with them, he never sat them down for a chat, nothing, not a peep. Burying his head in the sand is a form of art with him...
Fast-forward 2 years - they are now doing the same thing to DH, with the same kind of brazen impunity. They have frozen him out. They ARE mean girls ( all of them, incl. the SS) - who have never been called on to take responsibility for their actions.
May be when your SS is stealing from his dad, FM, the dad will be more likely to wake up.
And he will do that, bc there is now an expectation that he can get away with anything.