After several days of insanely nasty messages and phone calls, OSD calmed down and apologized to XH for her behavior about the apartment co-signing, which he graciously accepted. But then she proceeded to post all over her private IG stories about how XH and I don't care about her, how we've never cared about her, never provided anything for her, etc etc. All 100% lies. I found out because my best friend's daughter is friends with OSD and she saw everything and told her mom, who told me. I hesitated to tell XH, but I did and he was beyond livid. So he called her out and told her that if she wanted us to continue to pay for school, her participation in family therapy would be a requirement. 

While OSD takes after BM in that she really loves an audience to bear witness to her victimhood, she evidently doesn't want to risk a professional with any ability to discern the truth telling her that she is actually the one in the wrong. So she has informed us of her intention to take out student loans to cover the entirety of her tuition and expenses rather than attend family therapy. I personally think this is a huge mistake that she will definitely live to regret when the payments on that massive debt are due. But maybe I'm underestimating her commitment to the poor, abandoned, child of divorce bit. I suppose time will tell. 

Since all this, YSD hasn't spoken to XH to apologize for her involvement or behavior in the whole fiasco. Both SDs have talked to DD on the phone a few times, and they've both texted me separately to ask about dates and times for DD's various theater productions.

Neither of them has mentioned or apologized for any of the things they said about me and DD. I'm not really holding my breath for that. I talked to my therapist at length about how much I really want to invest emotionally in repairing my relationship with them. I do care for them a lot, and I think that they both have some really great qualities that they could live out if they would extricate themselves from BM's extremely toxic influence. It seemed like OSD was getting there, this time last year. But the pressure test of real life was apparently too much for her to handle with her newfound maturity and coping skills. I don't know, maybe she just needs more time. But 15 years is a lot for me to have given to these kids. And the vast, vast majority of it has been spent in the throes of anxiety and heartbreak, either about BM's behavior or more recently about theirs. So I'm tired. I may just retreat back to treating them more like acquaintances who happen to be invited to family holidays, at least for a while.