So…. now for the truly absurd part.

OSD graduates in May and was accepted to a handful of universities, but desperately wants to attend my alma mater. Please note that I had no influence over this - since my SDs were 2 and 4, we’ve taken them to sporting events a few times a year and of course they were “fans” until they were teenagers and were too cool for it. OSD has only come back around to showing interest again over the past year. So I genuinely never expected either of them to go there and OSD came to this decision of her own accord. 

Anyway, BM is outraged that OSD wants to do anything that I did. And she’s doing everything she can to make it difficult. Up to and including refusing to provide the necessary information for the FAFSA. So H and I finally realized that if this was going to happen, we were going to have to handle the whole thing. Several weeks ago he texted OSD and me in a group chat and told her that we needed to meet to discuss the plans for next Fall and sort out what our financial commitment would be. OSD was really excited and we set a time to meet specifically about this.

Within hours of this exchange, BM started blowing up H: how dare he involve (me) in anything to do with OSD’s future and BM is her mother and (I) am not! How would (I) feel if BM and H had a meeting with DD to discuss her college plans? BM doesn’t need us to be involved, she’s the MOTHER and she HAS IT COVERED. 

H: Do you have it covered, as in you are going to either pay for everything or arrange for financial aid by actually providing information for the FAFSA? Or do you have it covered like you’ve covered the tires, the insurance, and the headlight on the car?

BM: Crickets

A couple of weeks later, we meet with OSD and discover that BM had bought her a new (used) car. 

H: Ummm, where is the car we gave you? Did you get the headlight fixed?

OSD: Mom said she didn’t want to mess with the headlight. It’s parked in front of her house and she said you have to come get it if you want it. 

H texts BM: What’s going on with the car?

BM: I told you. I’m her MOTHER and we don’t need anything from you! You can have this stupid car back, I took care of it!

H: So… You’re taking care of college?

BM (two days later): No, if you want her to go to (alma mater) then you have to figure it out. 

H: So…you do actually “need” something from me?

BM: NO! I’m taking care of everything, just like I always have. Without you. That’s why I bought her a car. Because you refuse to provide her with a decent vehicle. 

OSD told us tonight that BM thinks she ‘taught us a lesson’ for overstepping our (ahem, my) boundaries by getting involved with college plans. By buying a car without our assistance. It's probably worth mentioning that the car is the same year as the car we provided with the same mileage, but it is not a make that is known for longevity, which ours is. It also needs new tires. And absolutely reeks of cigarette smoke even though OSD has been airing it out every day for two weeks. So, yeah. 

The logic is truly astounding. 'I’m so mad at these people for offering to help my child financially, that I’m really going to show them! By spending money to buy something that they’ve already bought! And still insisting that they provide for my child the things that I can’t!'

This is *classic* BM. About 10 years ago, she was complaining about not being able to buy school clothes. At that time, I made substantially more money than H, and we were in the process of adopting and our finances were tight too. Still, I made it work and we took the SDs shopping a week before school started. We spent about $700 total, which was a big stretch for us at that time. And because I researched and planned, we were able to give both girls a super cute complete Fall/Winter wardrobe. They were over the moon with everything they’d chosen and couldn’t wait to take it to show BM. Well, she lost her shit because she knew that it had come from me and because the girls told her that I’d helped them pick everything out. So what did she do? She THREW IT ALL AWAY. She didn’t sell it. She didn’t donate it. She literally threw it all in a dumpster in front of the SDs and told H that she didn’t ‘need anything from (me)’ and she would TAKE CARE OF IT herself!’ Since we were tapped out at that point, the SDs started school that year wearing old and ill-fitting hand me downs from their cousins. Which was lovely for BM because she got to pretend that she was a victim and H was a deadbeat. 

That was the first time I’d actually seen her do something that directly harmed her kids solely for the purpose of being petty. Since then I cannot even count the number of times she’s done something like this. 

BTW, we still don’t have the car back. H told OSD tonight that it is her responsibility to get it back to us within the next week.  It’s essentially a completely new vehicle, it just needs a new headlight. We’ll probably give it to YSD and sell the vehicle we've been hanging on to for her.