So I have found some more time to fill in some of the blanks I left in my first post about SD & DH.
SD is a hyperactive child with a love of the word No. I have been with DH since she was 2 and at first I loved the kid to death. Now that she is getting older and I am spending more time around her, I am finding that I may not have completely understood what I was getting into. She lives with BM fulltime and we have her twice a week and occasionally overnight. I DREAD these visits so I try to hole up in a different room. In my previous entry I mentioned about SD possibly having ADHD. Why? Because she loses things VERY easily, can't concentrate or focus on one thing, talks excessively (although BM does this too), fidgets, runs and jumps constantly, will not sleep, interrupts anyone and everyone without a second thought and has some development issues (probably because of her inattentiveness). I have been dropping hints to DH and BM for a while trying to get them to have her checked for it as it may make things better in the long run. So I guess I can say SD's annoying behaviors can't really be blamed on her specifically but an underlying problem.
SD is a master manipulator. She throws tantrums and fits whenever she doesn't get what she wants or something doesn't go her way. She cries, screams, yells, kicks, etc...until DH gives in. But when I am around this DOES NOT go on for long. At home, if she pulls this stunt, I leave the room and tell her to let me know when she is finished, then close the door. She will continue to scream at glass breaking volumes then will come out still yelling and screaming, then she gets time out. Since we live in an apartment the most disinteresting room is the bathroom, so she goes in there for 4 minutes (1 min/year). This usually does the trick and everything is ok for another 10 minutes.
SD has a VERY foul mouth. Some of the words she says I will not even say (I'm thinking this is from BM & BM's HB). It has gotten as bad as her calling MY MOTHER the *c* word. If she were my child, she'd get the soap, but since she is not she gets time out and toys taken away (not one or the other, BOTH). DH tells me I am too strict, but I will not have a foul mouthed, ill-behaved child running around with strangers thinking she's mine (even though SD is blonde and I am brunette).
There have been several things SD has done that makes me think she does some things just to peeve me off. Like going number 2 in the bath and wiping it all over the walls, using my expensive perfume as a marinade, etc. Why do I think she does them just to peeve me? Because she makes sure I catch her doing it, then once DH and I are done disciplining her she does this mischevious smirk at me when DH is out of range. Maybe it's just a 4/5 year old thing, but I wouldn't know as I have no other children to compare her to.
I am just at my wits end with this child. I tell DH that I care for her, but I don't LOVE her. Not yet. DH thinks that since she is his child I should feel like she is mine too. I've told him that she did not come out of my body, so she is not mine. She is BMs. I've discovered that when SD goes home, and DH feels randy, I'm am so turned off by this child being present that we go to bed, no romping at all (over share sorry!). I just cannot stand being around this child anymore. Part of me wants to tell DH to let me know when she will be around and I will make plans to be away just so I don't have to be around her, but then I know DH won't discipline her on his own and the potential catastrophies that will rear their ugly heads. I'm losing my mind over this kid. Like I said, I care about her and take care of her. But I don't love her, not just yet.

DH on the other hand is, in general, wonderful. When SD is not around he treats me like a princess and we never fight. We don't even 'fight' about SD, we just have heated conversations that end and that's that. We move on. The relationship is great, but I'm afraid that with his 'daddy-goggles' on there is potential for a World War 3 if I ever do anything he doesn't agree with to SD. We have talks about SD, but I always feel like I am the one talking and he is just there. No feedback, responses, reactions, nada...zilch. When I ask him what he thinks, he just says "I know" or "Let me think on it". But other than a few flaws he is (in general) a great guy.

OH the BM, Bio-Monster. She's not really that bad. Really, really tame compared to some of your BMs! We tolerate each others existance and talk about things that concern SD. But I have my own thoughts and opinions on how she is choosing to raise? SD. BM lives in a 2 bedroom apartment with her DH, SD, their BS and BM's mom. Yes, 2 bedrooms, 5 bodies. BM just recently got a full time job (I did the math, in her 31 years on earth, she has WORKED only for a WEEK total), but before that she was living off CS, her mom's disability check, and her DH's part time job. What did she do during the day? Sat on the couch and chain smoked. So who took care of the kids? BM's mom, who by the way ADORES me. The choices she has made since I have known her have not been with SD in mind. The man she married was one she met off of an online game, she let him move in with her and SD when she had never even met him face to face. She has decided she NEVER wants to send SD to school. (We can't get an answer as to why, but SD WILL be going). And having a second child. I shouldn't condemn her for procreating, but when you can't afford rent, a car, gas, food, clothes, etc. Should you really be bringing another child into that situation? All of SD's CS goes to this new baby and SD wears clothes that don't fit. We buy her clothes and BM sells them for money. As of right now, BM is on the brink of being evicted as they are 8 months (thats right) behind on rent. They've gotten away with it this long because they are renting from my SIL. But since SIL had to file bankruptcy, she lost all her rental properties and the bank is taking over.
Sorry this is super long but I figured before I start frequently blogging it'd be helpful to have some of the background info! I love being here and have loved reading your blogs for so long it's great to join in the noise!