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well it's definately over

enoughisenough2me's picture

Submitted by enoughisenough2me on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 9:48am

i have cheated in my heart. I've been talking to a FRIEND from high school, and all i could think about while at home yesterday was being with him. and our text messages have esclated too (so apparently i'm unhappy in so many ways). the only reason i haven't filed anything is i'm waiting for dd to finish school, maybe even softball. i have no desire to pay bills other than the bare necessities. soon he will run out of money to go to the library and i don't have the gas to get him there or to pay for the internet. which is ok cause without internet i KNOW he can't catch any of my blogs. the mtg company is blowing up our phones, i wont talk to them, he doens't know what the game plan for $$ is so it's not like he knows what to tell them and all i care about is making sure dd has a roof over her head until i'm ready to scdaddle even if it's at his credit expense

Comments

VioletsareBlue's picture

Submitted by VioletsareBlue on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 9:55am

Do yourself a favor and don't go forward with anymore txts or meeting with your friend or anything like that. Really, you're still with someone else. It doesn't matter if it's over... you haven't left. For yourself respect please leave and then you can move on with your friend if that is what you desire.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:01am

^^^^THIS...great advice...that's not good for your DD either... Wink

enoughisenough2me's picture

Submitted by enoughisenough2me on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:07am

i know, i keep pushing him away BECAUSE i'm not a cheater, when i tell him "enough" he does change subject. we haven't actually met up yet, and i have no intentions on meeting with him for a while need to take care of a b and c first

VioletsareBlue's picture

Submitted by VioletsareBlue on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 3:53pm

I wish you well. I KNOW it's hard. I wish you didn't have to wait .. but only a few more weeks?

enoughisenough2me's picture

Submitted by enoughisenough2me on Wed, 03/28/2012 - 8:00am

i plan to leave when school lets out for the summer while the kids are at the op's house

enoughisenough2me's picture

Submitted by enoughisenough2me on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:12am

i know it's not who i am, i'm a faithful person. i've met behind dh's back once, but it was nothing more than friends catching up from long time no see. we visited for about 15 minutes, and went about our merry way--why does dh not know this? because he is an x from hs and dh doensn't like him even being on my facebook

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:21am

"why does dh not know this? because he is an x from hs and dh doensn't like him even being on my facebook"
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That's reason enough not to do it. You owe your DH that much. If you're keeping secrets it's because you know you're doing something wrong.

enoughisenough2me's picture

Submitted by enoughisenough2me on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:09am

i know what you guys are saying and i know that's what i need to do, and have every intentions to, however, when we talk about life in general.............he's nice to have on the phone.

no my dd will not be exposed to anything of the sort, not a good example for her, i don't want to meet his kids or him meeting dd for a L O N G time and he already knows this

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:19am

Even knowing that, as was discussed on another blog, the best way to battle temptation is to avoid putting ourselves in a situation that nurtures it.

Your focus needs to be on closing the relationship you're ending, & to have your "friend" present in your mind is going to blur that focus.

Even if he's an ass, you owe it to yourself, your daughter, & your current relationship to not persue conversation with this new guy until you've closed the books with the old one, meaning you're out of the house.

Put yourself on the receiving end of your actions.

He's nice to have on the phone, but it breeds a tempting situation. Don't do it.

enoughisenough2me's picture

Submitted by enoughisenough2me on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:23am

i know that's why i blogged, so i could get it out and not hold the "secrecy" to myself 100%.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:29am

But ST isn't who you vowed to be faithful to & honest with. You're keeping a secret from your DH because you know what you're doing is wrong.

Would you find it acceptable if your DH was doing this the way you are? Would it be acceptable for him to share his secret with the internet world while keeping it from you?

enoughisenough2me's picture

Submitted by enoughisenough2me on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:34am

I honestly wouldn't doubt if he's sharing is craving for "sharing the bed" on the internet i honestly don't

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:40am

They HAVE met.

" i've met behind dh's back once, but it was nothing more than friends catching up from long time no see. we visited for about 15 minutes, and went about our merry way--why does dh not know this? because he is an x from hs and dh doensn't like him even being on my facebook"

enoughisenough2me's picture

Submitted by enoughisenough2me on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:42am

no we haven't i met ANOTHER guy on a level i SHOULD be on only as friends catching up and that was that we haven't really talked since

enoughisenough2me's picture

Submitted by enoughisenough2me on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:41am

i know what you are saying, whetehr i talk to this guy or anyone else, on that level, i know it's wrong.

as far as my marriage. i'm done in just a matter of months or sooner

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 10:52am

Is your friend from HS married or in a relationship currently? You mentioned kids. If he's not in a relationship/married, how long has he been single?

You're using this as an escape mechanism, to justify your moving forward, but you don't need an 'excuse'.

IMO her dh's position on 'sharing' though not popular is really an issue between them, some marriages have different 'rules'. She didn't want to live by it and that's fine but I don't think it makes him an asshole just very unconventional and not something most of society does. It in no way equates it being ok to lie or have an emotional affair.

You are opening yourself and your kid to a world of hurt by getting into a relationship w/out allowing time to even END the one you're in, HEAL from it, take time to know yourself-THEN pursue...allow at least a year in between.

Women/men that do what you do end up being the ones in multiple marriages/relationship for their entire life.

LEARN to be alone and at peace. Of course what you're doing now could just be a bridge affair (out of your relationship).

Focus on you and your kid and leave the 'need companionship' by the wayside until you learn to love you and your alone time and let your daughter heal from the end of this relationship also. It's not fair to ANY of you right now. Stop thinking with selfish glasses and think LONG TERM and best interest of all.

AND I say this from personal experience and from living and seeing others live life-this is NOT believe me coming from a judgmental position at ALL.

enoughisenough2me's picture

Submitted by enoughisenough2me on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 11:01am

he has kids, but hasn't been in any relationships since we first even made "hi how are you" contacts 2 years ago

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 11:05am

You've been in contact with him since 2 yrs ago??? Are you honestly going to tell me that just now you've started talking and flirting w/this guy behind your dh's back????

You've already met w/another dude from hs w/out telling him. Personally I think if you were that unhappy you should have left a while ago...i think your lack of honesty adds and contributes to your relationship demise. Are you the kind of gal that can't be alone, that must be in some kind of stage of relationship at all times, can't leave one w/out having backup?

IF so...time to fix thyself girl. Nothing wrong with owning up to that and working on yourself.

enoughisenough2me's picture

Submitted by enoughisenough2me on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 11:18am

no no no no, dh knows about ALL contact i've had with friend since day one until recently.

let me start from begining. guy friend req me on facebook. i show dh, let him know who he is he calls to catch up, (convo took place in front of dh) i tell guy i'm married, we have short friendly convos off an on

neither of us had any kind of "persuing" until i told him i was planning to seperate.

and yes, i SHOULD'VE left a long time ago, i get that, which is W H Y i'm making my escape plans.

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 11:33am

"neither of us had any kind of "persuing" until i told him i was planning to seperate."

Bad move, and you know it-you were already communicating enough leading up to that or else I doubt you would feel enough trust to tell him your plans. You had checked out a long time ago.

"and yes, i SHOULD'VE left a long time ago, i get that, which is W H Y i'm making my escape plans."

And I think that's fine, I don't think it's fine that you are pursuing another relationship as that can truly muddy the reasons you need to get out. Work through that first. The truth eventually comes out, do you wnat your children to think of you as a cheater??

enoughisenough2me's picture

Submitted by enoughisenough2me on Tue, 03/27/2012 - 12:31pm

guys as far as cheating, even emotional cheating..........YES i know that's bad, and needs to stop, so we can stop there.

i'm going to contact a few of my contacts and make sure that i have a way to get dd to and from school for the remainder of the year so i CAN make this right by getting myself out