You are here

Why should SD20 be any other way than what she is, when dishonesty gets rewarded?

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 11:26am

I know I have a lot of issues with SD20, but sometimes I can't help seeing WHY she is the way she is. After all, her parents have rewarded her for lying and dishonesty her entire life.

SD20 is coming down this weekend for a visit, funded by DH because, whah, she doesn't have a job (got fired). DH told her to come alone. I have since found out she intends to bring a female friend. DH is paying for her hotel room. SD20 texted and told him the one he picked wasn't good enough and to instead get her a reservation at one that costs $30 more a night, and of course he complied. First mistake. Someone is paying for you to stay somewhere, you don't tell them to pay for someplace better.

I know SD20 will show up with this friend and, even though he told her not to, DH will act like SD20 did the right thing and encourage her and still foot the bill, and she will have learned NOTHING. So why am I surprised she acts the way she does? I guess I shouldn't be.

Comments

3familiesIn1's picture

Submitted by 3familiesIn1 on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 11:34am

You know, I have had that exact thought. My skids are younger, 13 and 8 but you nailed it.

Every.single.day I shit you not - 3-4 days a week the skids are here. SS8 doesn't eat his lunch. This is a huge deal to DH... but... he doesn't do anything about it.

For the last 5 years, SS8 brings his lunch home from school, each and every day, exactly as it was packed, with maybe a bite out of something but 95% of the lunch returns home. Unless there is something packaged like chocolate coated granola.

Every.single.morning, DH yells at him to eat his lunch. SS8 stands there staring at him saying ok, OK! OK! and repacks his lunch.

DH threatens each and every morning to remove the 'candy' items from his lunch (chocolate granola, juice) and that 'this is the last time' as he places them in his lunch.

SS8 drinks the sugar juice, usually eats the candy packaged whatever and brings everything else home dumping it on the counter in the morning when its time to pack the new lunch.

There is no punishment, he is rewarded with the juice and chocolate, so why WOULD SS8 change his behaviour? I wouldn't, why bother.

This is with everything. Threaten, yell, say don't do it again, skids yells back OK OK OK and does it again immediately - rinse and repeat.

SD13 brow beat DH into overpriced shoes, by refusing to purchase any other pair and wear ones with holes which DH hates - she played him like a fiddle, he took her to buy shoes, she refused or only looked at 4 inch heels - um yeah - after a week of fighting, DH caved - so why not.

Only a matter of time until mine have full control to just order him to get a better room... sigh

clydella's picture

Submitted by clydella on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 12:38pm

If she's being rewarded for it, why should she quit doing it, she get's to have her cake and eat it too. It really does suck when you can see what's going on but your DH can't or won't. It's like an admission that they did a bad job with their kid and their a failure. Everybody fails at sometime or another, but what can you start doing to correct it, that's what our DH's need to ask theirselves, not just bury their head in the sand and look away.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 12:39pm

yes-kids will continue to do what works for them. that's why he has such a society of manipulative children. They manipulate because they CAN.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 08/15/2013 - 12:47pm

Your Dh sounds so much like my DH and BM. One of the many time SS got suspended was for stealing. He was about 9-10. Of course DH and BM blamed the school. DH took SS THAT SAME day to buy a knife sheath. BM took off work the next day to take SS to an amusement park. It was some sick shit.

I think back to all of that crap and am amazed that SS is not worse than he actually is. So sad.