Please tell me if I am wrong here. Be honest
Dh has a job with a weird schedule. He is off Friday and Sunday, so the only day we have together as a family is Sunday (I work and kids are in daycare). He hasn't been able to get any weekends off to do anything with us, in fact soonest he can get a weekend off is September, when summer is over and kids are back at school.
I have to travel out of town for work for a week next month. Our kids will be going to my parents because DH works evenings and cannot pick them up from daycare. So, the only person who will be at our home is DH. Following so far? And we won't get a single vacation together over the summer.
So what does DH tell me? He's going to get vacation from work the week I am traveling. ONLY, he doesn't plan to keep our kids that week. So he will be off work while nobody is home. I don't get it. Why not plan to take a week off when we can all do something together? AND, if you ARE going to be off, why not keep our kids with you?
I have a sinking suspicion he plans to drive the 5+ hours to see SD20 and is just not telling me that. Regardless, I don't understand. Can somebody help? I can't help being upset he would CHOOSE to take time off when it means he will NOT be spending time with us.
- Elizabeth's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I totally understand. I would
I totally understand. I would be upset too.
Did you ask him, "WTF"?
He sounds so immature. I'm amazed that you have managed to stay in this marriage as long as you have.
I already asked him WTF and
I already asked him WTF and got the above vague answer. I guess I will sit down with him and explain, the way I would to a 2-year-old, why his decision makes no sense. This is the same guy who wanted to take our kids on vacation to the ocean and didn't understand why I was upset he didn't include me. He planned this trip all on his own and was like "Sorry you can't be there." Needless to say, that trip has been canceled. So now this.
You need to be sneaky and
You need to be sneaky and manipulate him into blurting out the truth/ his plan: see this is where his kids get dumped in his lap. Those are HIS kids. Your parents were going to be nice since he had to work, but hey now your off, so grandparents no longer watching kids: Dad has them all to himself for a whole week! Weeeee!
Now, be dead seriousl when you approach him with this: that you told your parents he was taking the week off, they gave a big cheer and dad booked tickets (non refundable) to vegas while you were still on the phone with mom! Laugh while telling him. Done... the built in baby sitters are gone, dad is gonna be stuck all by his onsies with however-many kids.
If he reacts like a normal man he will flip out and start spewing WHY he cant keep the kids which will end up with him vomiting the truth all over you.
Then leave him with his kids and advise him he does not get a vacation from being a parent just as you dont, suck it up butter cup and enjoy.
I'm seriously thinking about
I'm seriously thinking about telling him that if he's taking all that time off, he needs to keep our kids and they can do something fun together. However, my parents are really looking forward to having our kids. We'll see. I think it's time for a serious talk here.
Exactly. Maybe half the week
Exactly. Maybe half the week between him and grandparents. Why would he hide going to see sd?
exactly this! why does he
exactly this! why does he think he can WASTE a whole week's vacation? i'd insist he take a vacation with you and the kids when you get back if he's so eager to take it. if he wants to see adult kid, he could be honest with you about it. take him at his word and ruin those secret plans!
So what does DH tell me? He's
So what does DH tell me? He's going to get vacation from work the week I am traveling.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Uuummm...WOW. I would be hurt and furious. He knows you already have the kids taken care of so he is going to take advantage of that. I would actually be suspicious of what the hell he is up too. Not sure it would be to JUST see his DD.
I'd be irritated as
I'd be irritated as hell...Why doesn't he want to make the effort to spend time with you...That would bother me more than anything...Also, if he wants to be off he can be taking care of your kids. Sounds rather selfish and not a person I would want to be with.
Hi Elizabeth, I used to be
Hi Elizabeth, I used to be Sweetthing many years ago and I remember back in the when SD was a brat leaving her shoes in the dining room.
It doesn't sound like much has changed with your husband's behavior over the years when I read this I had to agree that he is probably going to sneak off on a SD love fest. I think you need to have the 2 year old talk with him, he won't get it otherwise.
It's hard, sometimes my DH totally gets it & other times he is tripping over his d$ck to buy their love.
I would just sit him down and
I would just sit him down and get to the bottom of it. What is he thinking? Why would he think it is acceptable to plan a week off of work when you wont be home? Why would he think its acceptable for someoen else to watch your children when he's available? Why he not want to spend some fun time with his kids or his wife if he had the chance?
My DH takes his days off so
My DH takes his days off so WE can spend time together. That is relaxation for him. Like a previous poster, I am surprised that you have put up with his disrespect of you for as long as you have.
Could you lie and tell him
Could you lie and tell him that you don't have to go now it got reschedule and you are looking forward to a week with just him and no kids. That way you don't have to drag your parents into it?
Your parents can have the
Your parents can have the kids any other week, even a week when your home to give YOU a break. This is seriously wrong. Just tell him seeing as he is home, you will not be abusing your parents kindness, HE GETS THE KIDS....no questions asked. It's not time for the talk, there's nothing to talk about, it's just time to give him the new plan and his instructions. If he really is sneaking off to see his daughter while dumping his responsibilities on your parents, well, do you really want an irresponsible, lying sneak for a husband. You could never again trust him. If he's not got a trip to see sd planned, then he gets the kids. I cannot imagine how much he has hurt you over this.
OK, folks, thanks for the
OK, folks, thanks for the backup. We talked last night, he is no longer taking time off for this little "vacation" while the kids and I are gone. As soon as I brought up the fact the kids could stay with him instead of my parents, he told me he wasn't able to get the time off after all. So, crisis averted.
As soon as I brought up the
As soon as I brought up the fact the kids could stay with him instead of my parents, he told me he wasn't able to get the time off after all. So, crisis averted
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh hun.... not averted. He will just do whatever he was going to do anyway. He will just hide it better. sorry
Something is off here. I
Something is off here. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. If he could no longer get the time off you'd think he'd mention that as soon as he found out. It's not something you just forget. I've seems very secretive. Acts like a single guy looking after no:1 with no thought for his wife and kids. Very selfish.