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Do you consider stepkids part of "your" family?

Elizabeth's picture

I had to write a bio up for work about myself, my work experiences, my personal life. Without even thinking about it, I wrote I had a husband and two kids (our two bios together). I didn't even consider SD20, she never crossed my mind. I sent the bio to DH to see what he thought, and that is when I realized I didn't include SD. Now I'm wondering if he will be mad/upset. He knows how I feel about her (disdain mostly).

So do the rest of you consider your stepkids a part of your family?

Comments

anotherstepmom's picture

I do, but only becuase SS14 is still at home and lives w/ us full-time. I think it's ok you didn't. Everyone feels differently and that's ok. I hope your DH does not take in personally.

Anon2009's picture

I do. However, I don't think any step (stepkid or stepparent) should feel obligated to view the other as "family."

All your dh should ask of you is that you're polite to sd. And he should be asking the same of her.

twopines's picture

Nope.

somedevilishbeauty's picture

I consider my step kids as family but things like that i state that they are my step kids other wise it looks like i had a kid at 13. but i do have half brothers and a sister that are alot older than myself from my dad side of the family and most the time when asked about my brothers and sisters i forget to include them.

Starla's picture

No I don't. They are my DH's kids that I must learn how to adapt to if I chose to remain his wife. They are nothing like me in any way, shape, or form. I'm being nice with my choice of words but it also has to do with the bio parents as well in this matter.

smomof2's picture

I definitely consider my ssons family. I also consider my stepmom family, she's been with my daddy since I was 8 years old. I also call her sisters/brothers uncle/aunts.

msg1986's picture

I do, but I think it's because I get along pretty well with my Ss5 and I've known Dh since we were kids and I met Ss when he had just turned 3 so it seems fitting.

HOWEVER... If he ever started acting like a doucher I'd probably no longer refer to him as family.

brutallyhonest's picture

I never include SD in bios or introductions as part of my family. The dogs nearly always get a mention though. In fact you have to know me really, really, really well to know she even exists. This is partially made easier by the fact that I haven't physically seen SD20 since she was 17. She dropped out to live with her boyfriend and do drugs with BM's blessing.

In addition, DH no longer mentions her and is extremely private (he would die if he knew about step talk) so you have to know him really, really, really well to know about SD as well.

If you asked either of us if we have any kids, the answer would be no. For me, because I have no biological kids and for DH because SD might as well be dead to him with her drug use and generally awful behavior. I suppose if I had to complete some FBI background check, that might be the only time SD ever got a mention.

When SD was younger and an EOW presence, I still didn't include her in bios or introductions unless she was actually present and it was unavoidable. I avoided scheduling any function EOW that would mean SD was seen by anyone other than family (and usually only DH's family).

If your DH has a problem with the way you drafted the bio, I say tough cookies for him. It is about you and what you want people to know about you. SD isn't yours and has made it abundantly clear she doesn't consider you family either.

oneoffour's picture

I tell people we have 6 kids between us. End of story.

I think if your DH feels his daughter was left out you could point out that she isn't your daughter and has her own mother and doesn't live with you. And I am sure she wouldn't be offended to be left off the bio . Between you and me she would probably rather you didn't so the feeling is mutual.

cmwolfe1264's picture

I used to but have recently come to the realization that they are not my family and never will be so I need to accept that and move on. They obviously do not consider me family as evidenced by what they say and do. I am now saying that they are my husbands children or I say that he is there Father. I claim the grandchildren but usually say they are my husband's grandchildren even though most of them call me Grandma. Frankly for the most part, I am embarassed by them (the skids) and do not want people to think I actually had a hand in raising them because if I DID they wouldn't have turned out like they did!

Keepsmiling's picture

When asked how many kids we have I always say together we have six dh has three and I have three. (all adults)