I am done with his jealousy
Has anyone ever been with a man who is so jacked up by his BM? she cheated on him multiple times and now he is so messed up in the head about being hurt again that he is so jealous with me. I have never done anything to make him believe that I was cheating. I would even let him go through my phone! 3 years have gone by and he is still the same, a little better but still gets mad over stupid things like what I wear and he constantly reminds me " please done ever hurt me." Yesterday he got mad at me because I am going to study at a friends house for a couple of hours and had the nerve to ask why I need to go? (he has met my friend and her husband before) oh history--- I am nursing school. He also got mad because I told him I might not spend the whole weekend with him this weekend (I have two important finals on Monday and Tuesday) I am old school and I have always believed that I am not going to live with him until we are at least engaged. So when I spend the night with him its special and I try to spend at least one night a week with him.
Today I came to the realization that he treats me in a controlling or jealous way because I have allowed this behavior in the past. I want him to change and I want to be with him but I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do?
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It's so hard because the good
It's so hard because the good in him usually outweighs the bad in him. When we fight its always about the same thing. He gets jealous I tell him off and tell him I'm tired of it after a while he gives in apologizes says he will change and the fight is over. Then after a month or so same fight again
What is the Dr Phil
What is the Dr Phil saying...the best predicator of future behavior is past behavior.
He says what you want to hear
He says what you want to hear and then doesn't follow through. Is that how you want to live the rest of your life?
Yes, he's jacked up by what his ex did to him but the bottom line is he doesn't trust you. We all have issues from our past but at some point, it has to be left in the past. You are not her.
Three years and he doesn't trust you.
It sounds like he needs some counseling, I'm betting he's a controlling person anyway.
I believe it will keep getting worse if you ever live together, married or not. He can claim it's because of what he went through with her but that's an excuse.
I think he needed to deal with his issues before getting into another relationship.
And constantly being reminded to never hurt him is not attractive.
My dh was the same way. The
My dh was the same way. The bm cheated on him the 5 years they were married.
I was in massage school and they wanted me to not wear underwear when I was the client... I don't like that so I got a thong and I would go to the restroom and change into that and put my underwear in my coat pocket. Anyways he found the underwear in my pocket and got upset..I had no idea why until he told me that was what she would do... Come home with dirty underwear in her pocket... Ew! It never crossed my mind that that would be an issue and why the heck he would go through my pocket?!... Needless to say I have stayed the same not changing anything for him and he has understood not to go through my things and trust me. I really don't want to get married again. It has been 5 years and he knows I love him and I'm not going anywhere so he's happier..so if you hang in there it might work but if it is not going to change or improve go be happy somewhere else
My DH was so wary of
My DH was so wary of relationships or being in love with someone. I eventually told him that I am not his ex. She retreated from being a wife or even a friend. This is not who I am . If he decided to paint all women with the same brush then I was not standing around. He needed to work out the kinks in his psyche or we were through. Only he could make the decision to be 'damaged goods' or not. Only he could decide what made him happy. I gave him space. I told him not to contact me again until he could change his ways.... He told me later life without me was not worth it. I told him by allowing his ex's behaviour to govern his life is renting her too much space in his head. And here we are 10 yrs later. Just being our awesome selves.