“Hi, My name is Mrs. Brown. I’m a councilor here at SS’s school. SS was supposed to meet with me in my office yesterday and he didn’t show. His teachers and I are a little concerned, especially with the field trip coming up next week. SS is supposed to discuss with me his plan to correct his behavior. He is not in any trouble but unless he can prove to me that he can be trusted and show that he is mature, he will not be allowed to attend the field trip next week. Please have him come to my office first thing tomorrow morning. Thank you! Have a good evening.”
Needless to say, DW chewed SS’s ear out. SS, as usual, just got that patented “deer caught in the headlights” look and denied being told that he had to go see the councilor.
I asked SS what did she mean that she and his teachers were very concerned and what “behavior” needs to be corrected?
SS just shrugged his shoulders.
“Don’t do that.” I said. “SS, if I decide to take off work tomorrow so I can go speak to this lady, what is she going to tell me!? I would rather know the truth from you NOW rather than being told by a woman I have never met.”
SS broke down…Apparently (according to SS) his math teacher is picking on him.
“Really SS? REALLY? You honestly expect us to believe that!?”
DW sent SS to his room and demanded that he write a letter to the councilor apologizing for having skipped this meeting and that he list down the things he will do to correct his behavior.
By 9:00pm (which is SS’s bedtime) SS had barely written three words. For two hours he was just sitting at his desk staring at a mostly-blank piece of paper.
DW asked me to check up on him. I did so. I picked up the letter, read the three words and asked what else he was planning to write.
SS just shrugged his shoulders.
I put the letter back on his desk and I walked out. I didn’t say another word.
DW asked me how he was doing and I replied loud enough so that SS could hear. “At the rate he is going, it looks like SS is not going on this trip.”
DW went in to check on him but closed the door behind her. I didn’t hear what was being said. I did hear a lot of yelling, and something about SS having to pay DW and his Dad back the money they spent for SS to go on this trip.
I picked up my book and started reading. I dozed off. DW woke me up around 11:00.
“Check this out!” she said.
SS had finally managed to write a letter. It was good, I mean it was REALLY good.
“Did you write this, or did SS?” I asked.
DW said that no, she didn’t help SS. She didn’t help SS at all. She didn’t even stand over him. She just told him that she was done bailing him out of one trouble after another.
I found it hard to believe. “But DW” I said. “His writing….It’s so well written. It doesn’t look like his writing at all. Normally his writing looks like a ransom note. This here? This looks like you did it.”
“My writing does not look like that!” DW said.
Now I have no reason to doubt DW. As I mentioned in previous blogs, SS just show real talent and superior skills if it suits his needs. Most of the time, he just does the bare minimum just to get by.
Okay, this blog post is already getting a bit too long, and I really have to get back to work so I will cut to the chase. SS met with the councilor and handed in this letter. The councilor really liked it and said she was going to keep it in her pocket for the trip. Should SS act up, she would take out the letter and say ‘Where is the SS that wrote THIS letter!? The one that proved to me that he can be mature and responsible?!’. So it looks like SS managed to pull his own butt out of the fire.
Funny you should ask that! SS spent the better part of Saturday with a friend whose parents were moving. SS helped out. SS's friend's parents were so appreciative that they gave SS $20 for the help. SS was really excited about that and asked if he could use this money for the trip. Naturally DW and I said yes. It's his money that he earned, he can spend it how he wants. SS then asked DW and I if he can do something else around the house to earn some more cash.
It's so sad when some parents actually believe this. I know of one woman who changed her kid's school 5 times because of this. FIVE! Urm...unless her kid passed a polygraph each time he said "the teachers are picking on me", I don't see how that lie can actually work to make a parent change schools five times.
>Not saying you are bad parents, just saying you are making the mistakes that I made with two sons already and it's an easier road to travel when you figure out that it's really YOU as the parent that is causing alot of this due to your approach.<
You are still making the gross assumption that I do not know what is going on with SS. I know how he thinks. I know what his problem is. He's been fooling around in class. He's been fooling around so much that now it has caught up with him and the "radar" is on him. If he can't discipline himself to stay focused and keep his attention where it should be, then he MUST be disciplined. This isn't conflict. This how we teach/prepare our kids for the future.
SS saying "the teacher is picking on me" is a direct result of him fooling around too much. It's like trying to speed on the highway past the cops everyday. The cops are going to just nail you every time. So even the times you are doing the speed limit, the cop is still going to watch you and point his radar gun at you. They're not picking on you. They are reacting to you because you have a history of breaking the rules. That is what is happening with SS and his math teacher. What I have just written here is EXACTLY word-for-word what I told SS.
I didn't say you were rude (although when you begin a comment with "here is where you and your wife went wrong", my initial thought was "Oh boy, here we go...). Your advice *would* be good advice if you actually knew SS IRL, which you don't. That is what I am saying. Not all teenagers are cut from the same cloth. I've said it before and I'll say it again; you and I have a VERY different opinion on what we consider to be "normal" male teenage behavior. You found a groove that works for you and your boys and that is great. Just because I refuse to beat to your drum doesn't mean that my approach is wrong here, especially conidering SS managed to pull his own butt out of the fire once he realized how severe his consequences was going to be. I'm not trying to manage or control SS's choices. I want SS to be able to manage and control his which right now he has trouble with. He's more interested in playing and socializing rather than doing his work. But when he DOES place his focus on where it needs to be, he excels.
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Comments
We got this phone message
We got this phone message last week,
“Hi,
My name is Mrs. Brown. I’m a councilor here at SS’s school. SS was supposed to meet with me in my office yesterday and he didn’t show. His teachers and I are a little concerned, especially with the field trip coming up next week. SS is supposed to discuss with me his plan to correct his behavior. He is not in any trouble but unless he can prove to me that he can be trusted and show that he is mature, he will not be allowed to attend the field trip next week. Please have him come to my office first thing tomorrow morning. Thank you! Have a good evening.”
Needless to say, DW chewed SS’s ear out. SS, as usual, just got that patented “deer caught in the headlights” look and denied being told that he had to go see the councilor.
I asked SS what did she mean that she and his teachers were very concerned and what “behavior” needs to be corrected?
SS just shrugged his shoulders.
“Don’t do that.” I said. “SS, if I decide to take off work tomorrow so I can go speak to this lady, what is she going to tell me!? I would rather know the truth from you NOW rather than being told by a woman I have never met.”
SS broke down…Apparently (according to SS) his math teacher is picking on him.
“Really SS? REALLY? You honestly expect us to believe that!?”
DW sent SS to his room and demanded that he write a letter to the councilor apologizing for having skipped this meeting and that he list down the things he will do to correct his behavior.
By 9:00pm (which is SS’s bedtime) SS had barely written three words. For two hours he was just sitting at his desk staring at a mostly-blank piece of paper.
DW asked me to check up on him. I did so. I picked up the letter, read the three words and asked what else he was planning to write.
SS just shrugged his shoulders.
I put the letter back on his desk and I walked out. I didn’t say another word.
DW asked me how he was doing and I replied loud enough so that SS could hear. “At the rate he is going, it looks like SS is not going on this trip.”
DW went in to check on him but closed the door behind her. I didn’t hear what was being said. I did hear a lot of yelling, and something about SS having to pay DW and his Dad back the money they spent for SS to go on this trip.
I picked up my book and started reading. I dozed off. DW woke me up around 11:00.
“Check this out!” she said.
SS had finally managed to write a letter. It was good, I mean it was REALLY good.
“Did you write this, or did SS?” I asked.
DW said that no, she didn’t help SS. She didn’t help SS at all. She didn’t even stand over him. She just told him that she was done bailing him out of one trouble after another.
I found it hard to believe. “But DW” I said. “His writing….It’s so well written. It doesn’t look like his writing at all. Normally his writing looks like a ransom note. This here? This looks like you did it.”
“My writing does not look like that!” DW said.
Now I have no reason to doubt DW. As I mentioned in previous blogs, SS just show real talent and superior skills if it suits his needs. Most of the time, he just does the bare minimum just to get by.
Okay, this blog post is already getting a bit too long, and I really have to get back to work so I will cut to the chase. SS met with the councilor and handed in this letter. The councilor really liked it and said she was going to keep it in her pocket for the trip. Should SS act up, she would take out the letter and say ‘Where is the SS that wrote THIS letter!? The one that proved to me that he can be mature and responsible?!’. So it looks like SS managed to pull his own butt out of the fire.
Funny you should ask that! SS
Funny you should ask that! SS spent the better part of Saturday with a friend whose parents were moving. SS helped out. SS's friend's parents were so appreciative that they gave SS $20 for the help. SS was really excited about that and asked if he could use this money for the trip. Naturally DW and I said yes. It's his money that he earned, he can spend it how he wants. SS then asked DW and I if he can do something else around the house to earn some more cash.
It's so sad when some parents
It's so sad when some parents actually believe this. I know of one woman who changed her kid's school 5 times because of this. FIVE! Urm...unless her kid passed a polygraph each time he said "the teachers are picking on me", I don't see how that lie can actually work to make a parent change schools five times.
Took the words out of my
Took the words out of my mouth...err...keyboard.
>Not saying you are bad
>Not saying you are bad parents, just saying you are making the mistakes that I made with two sons already and it's an easier road to travel when you figure out that it's really YOU as the parent that is causing alot of this due to your approach.<
You are still making the gross assumption that I do not know what is going on with SS. I know how he thinks. I know what his problem is. He's been fooling around in class. He's been fooling around so much that now it has caught up with him and the "radar" is on him. If he can't discipline himself to stay focused and keep his attention where it should be, then he MUST be disciplined. This isn't conflict. This how we teach/prepare our kids for the future.
SS saying "the teacher is picking on me" is a direct result of him fooling around too much. It's like trying to speed on the highway past the cops everyday. The cops are going to just nail you every time. So even the times you are doing the speed limit, the cop is still going to watch you and point his radar gun at you. They're not picking on you. They are reacting to you because you have a history of breaking the rules. That is what is happening with SS and his math teacher. What I have just written here is EXACTLY word-for-word what I told SS.
I thought it was great
I thought it was great advice.
I didn't say you were rude
I didn't say you were rude (although when you begin a comment with "here is where you and your wife went wrong", my initial thought was "Oh boy, here we go...). Your advice *would* be good advice if you actually knew SS IRL, which you don't. That is what I am saying. Not all teenagers are cut from the same cloth. I've said it before and I'll say it again; you and I have a VERY different opinion on what we consider to be "normal" male teenage behavior. You found a groove that works for you and your boys and that is great. Just because I refuse to beat to your drum doesn't mean that my approach is wrong here, especially conidering SS managed to pull his own butt out of the fire once he realized how severe his consequences was going to be. I'm not trying to manage or control SS's choices. I want SS to be able to manage and control his which right now he has trouble with. He's more interested in playing and socializing rather than doing his work. But when he DOES place his focus on where it needs to be, he excels.
Drac0, Please send a message
Drac0,
Please send a message to Dawn the next time a blog or forum post does not post right away. She'll publish it for you and may be able to make sure your posts don't fail in the future.
The reason posts sometimes fail is because they are being caught by one of our anti-spam defenses. These defenses aren't perfect and because of various reasons it sometimes prevents valid posts from being published right away (they go into a moderation queue for review).
In order for us to make our anti-spam defenses better, we need to know when valid posts get flagged as spam. Thanks!
-Admin
No sooner did I read this did
No sooner did I read this did I actually get a message from Dawn! Thank you for the explanation.