When to let go
Early into my relationship with Husb. (before we were married), we almost imploded. I had an emotional affair and he had a physical affair. We worked it out and moved on. He demanded I sever all ties with the other guy in question, which I understood and did. He, on the other hand, refused to end the "friendship" with his affair partner.
Since then, I've let it go. I don't bring it up, and I sure as hell never throw it in his face. He, on the other hand, seems to have never gotten over it. He has brought it up numerous times, and even called me a slut in the heat of the moment.
Today, he started rambling on about how he got screwed with his CO. Oh well, not my problem. I reminded him that I told him after it came down what he should have done. "Well, I don't trust you. Especially now while I can't see what you're doing all day."
I told him I needed to end the conversation and that if he doesn't trust me, we don't needto be married. I've been ambivalent about whether or not to implement an escape plan, but I just don't see things improving from here. I think that this is as good as it will ever be.
- doll faced sm's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
He refused to end the
He refused to end the friendship with his affair partner but HE doesn't trust YOU?
He throws the past in your face and calls you names?
I'd say it's time to let go, if there was anything to hold on to in the first place.
^^^YES!!! So He is the one
^^^YES!!! So He is the one who actualt Slept w someone else...and then refused to end that "friendship"...and HE is calling YOU a Slut!? And doesn't trust You! WHOA!!! Something is not adding up here! I think its time for a Serious Talk! He's got Trust issues...when its really YOU who should not Trust him, and rightfully so! He is still "friends" with the woman he had an affair with! Hellooooooooo!!
He isn't anymore because she
He isn't anymore because she moved away, but that was almost a year after.
Husb has refused therapy on
Husb has refused therapy on more than one occasion. Or agreed, then never had the time . . . marriage, anger management, personal. It's a pointless discussion.
Projection is what I've been
Projection is what I've been thinking, and what I've been trying to avoid thinking.
We worked it out and moved
We worked it out and moved on. He demanded I sever all ties with the other guy in question, which I understood and did. He, on the other hand, refused to end the "friendship" with his affair partner.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
That really does not sound like it was "worked out" at all. I would through it back at him EVERYTIME he said something.
True. I should have said I
True. I should have said I *thought* we worked it out and moved on. Obviously, he did not.
Sounds eerily similar to my
Sounds eerily similar to my DH. I never had an any affair, but DH did. It was both emotional and physical. Not necessarily very emotional on his part, but she was clearly in love with him. When that all came to a bubbling point, he demanded I not have any contact with any men, and in return, he will cut all contact with the woman except for whatever professional contact they needed to have (they worked together.) It was easy for me to agree to DH's request because I never did anything inappropriate, and like I suspected, the problem wasn't me, so I really didn't need to do anything different. Can we say "projecting" on his part?!?!
The worst part is that he really didn't end the emotional part. They stayed "friends" to an extent, and he'd always have amnesia when I'd remind him of his promises. He never followed his own rules. Little white lies about other things crop up from time to time, and while they have nothing to do with affairs or cheating, it's the lie itself that bothers me. It's the lack of trust. I don't entirely trust my DH, and I never will. (I am glad she's most likely not in his life anymore since he just got a new job. If she is, it's so minimal that I don't want to know.)
I saw all the red flags before we married (thank goodness this woman was not one of them until after we married) but I chose to marry DH anyway because I wanted children desperately. In that respect, I still don't regret it. I do wish I had a better partner in life, but it was my own fault I waited until I was 30 to decide to have children, especially with the suspicion I would have fertility issues (which I did).
If I didn't have time against me and the desire for children, I would have either not married DH, or divorced him by now. Sad but true.
Don't I understand. We have
Don't I understand. We have an "ours" child, too.