I've been with my bf for 3.5 years and as his daughter is getting older she spends more and more of my bf's set times still with her mom.  BM lives 3 houses down from us.  Yay me.  Bm seems to do little to no real parenting with 9yo.  She doesn't have a bedtime there, she does here, we make her do her own laundry, clean her bathroom, shower, unload the dishwasher, brush her teeth.   Things any 9yo should know how to do.   9yo has recently developed a skin condition and needs to use a special soap and use hydrogen peroxide to clean areas with.