Here is the thing, I have never wanted to be a step mom, i have always heard most step moms cry and complain of their many challenges, and besides that i honestly don't have the heart for it, just like i don't go clubbing because it aint for me. I am not okay with being responsible for and being inconvinienced or angered by another woman's child that i am not related to at all and i certainly wouldnt want them in my marriage, to me the child is just a reminder of DH's past relationship with another woman. I don't like living with someone who isnt loyal to me, i cant trust such a person or be comfortable to say or do whatever in their presence. I would prefer the child living with his mom and coming to visit on weekends that way i can think of the child as an in law, but i am being forced to think of him as my son and part of my family of which i cant!!!! Its just not me, and there is nothing wrong about how i feel, I didnt choose to feel that way, same as women who don't want to have children, we cannot judge them, they know parenting and being a mom is not for them, so when forced to be what they don't want to be those children will lack parenting, their mother's time, love and affection! When i met my husband i knew he had a child but, for the first year of our relationship i never even met the child, it was just me and him. With the things he used to say he gave me the impression that when we get married it will just be the two of us and the children we will have. He used to say things like his ex wife and his son might migrate or me and him can go and live in another city, his son was not included in those plans. He misled me, If he had told me then that he wants his son to live with us and i be his step mom, i take responsibility for him and all the disadvantages that come with living with a third person like limits to privacy (I care a great deal about the privacy issue and havin extra work) i would have walked away because i knew being a full time step mom wasnt for me. I found out i was misled too late when i was pregnant with BS. Now i have a son with DH i feel stuck and it doesnt help that SS is spoilt and his bad behaviour goes unpunished and excuses are made for him and so we are ever arguing and fighting because of SS. I am made to be a bad person because i cant bring myself to love SS and accept him as part of my family. I am sorry but i cant, i cant force myself to love him, its a forced relationship and i can NEVER think of him as my son to me he will always be DH's kid and his ex. I cannot call him "our son" as DH wishes. I just need him to accept that and stop giving me grief over it. Maybe if the kid was well mannered, useful and sweet, i would have felt differently. I hate spoilt brats. I do not want to be responsible for him, be it washing his clothes or whatever. All i can do is make sure he eats and Dh can only expect that i dont abuse his son by cursing him, beating him, starving him or whatever, i will talk to him politely if there is a need to talk to him as for loving him, building a relationship with him, i am just not interested!!! Its unfair for DH to hold that against me.

I havent posted in a while that's because am slowly finding peace and my sanity..what's been working for me is disenganging I have stopped trying to discipline SS i have stopped parenting him, no longer talking to his dad about encouraging SS to be useful around the house and learn to do somethings for himself and to help around the house be it to take garbage out, help set the table for dinner or collect dirty dishes and put in the sink anything just to be useful... let Dh treat his child like a baby and spoil him, have him sit play and do nothing, let him have everything done for him, as long as he leaves me out of it and not ask me to do anything for him. The child will grow up to be a useless lazy adult who cant do anything for himself, not even to make himself breakfast yet he is turning 11 in december! Not my problem anymore. let his child's bad behaviour go unpunished, that's his own problem the child will grow up to be a trouble maker and a law a breaker because he isnt taught that bad behaviour is punishable, again no longer my problem. I no longer have any conversations with SS because whatever you say to him he spins it around to make you a bad person, tells half turths half lies and goes unpunished for it and wont even be corrected by his dad. Done with talking to him.

What i do is when i get home from work i take my bio son (10 months now) we go to my room, watch nursery rhymes on my laptop and i play music and i sing along and dance. Weekends when i am off, i take my baby to the park or we go visit my family my mom, aunts or siblings. So its now 3 sets of families in the house, DH and his son, Me and my son, then Me- DH and our son! Its going to be like that until DH learns to properly parent his child or send him to his mother to do that. By not dealing with SS at all i have less frustrations, headaches etc I am just doing what i love and putting my focus on my son. As for SS we only greet each other and that's all, we are not in the same room for long, only during dinner sometimes i go and eat in my bedroom. As for Tv i no longer watch Tv i watch nursery ryhmes with my son in my room and i actually prefer music to TV and i hate being in the same room with SS he annoys me with the things he says, interrupting me when i am tryna have a conversation with DH because he wants to be the only one heard, and the centre of attention, and i used to be uncomfortable havin to watch what i say or do in front of SS because he goes to tell his mother... so nomore of that! out of sight out of mind, he is now just like a Butler to me, i dont mind him at all. I have my full privacy and peace in my room. I will soon buy my own Tv for my room. Not the way i want to live in a marriage having my own separate life in my bedroom but its giving me peace staying away from SS.

Anyway hubby and i discussed our problems with our pastor and his wife and they advised him to put his marriage first and make decisons that will benefit our marriage and not strain it and obvious to everyone living withy SS has been straining our marriage big time, so Hubby is going to have a hard talk with Bio Mom and if it all goes well, SS should be staying with his mom starting next month and will be coming to our house on weekends and holidays. Knowing BM i think new problems will arise, she will create them just to have the child sent back to us because she doesnt want the motherly responsibilities. Even if SS goes to stay with his mom for just a year i would be grateful, at least i would have gotten a chance to have my hubby all to myself, no divided attention, loyalties... full privacy and comfort in my home and in year 2021 SS is going to boarding school for high school soon as he finishes lets hope he will go to college, live there and then get a job and his own apartment and be out of my house and out of my sight.....

Just gotta be patient. . . . . . . . . . for the mean time am sticking to disenganging