ugh. i just don't understand it. we went out to supper last night, Dh and i, dh's parents and the skids. dhs parents always want to do these family meals during the week when the skids don't visit much, they miss seeing them. for all i care they can have them for visitation weekends and have the skids invade their house.
ss15 finally bussed off all his matty, curly hair that didn't fit under his baseball hat. i told him how much nicer he looked with his hair short. he says back yea it's nice and i dont have to wash it. ick. i asked why he would even say something like that, you still have to wash it ss15. he smiles and says yea i know i was just playing. gma shoots me a look like don't you insult little ss15. dh was in the bathroom so he didn't get to hear the opening conversation.
fast forward to later in the night and ss17 asks dh how to get better fuel economy. he has an older, small 4x4 truck. dh told him to get a newer car that would have better mileage. a truck that old will not be good on gas. ss17 is mechanically challanged. he drives in drive down the interstate adn overdrive going down the city streets because someone told him this is better on the truck. dh said put it in OD and leave it alone. ss17 had drove unsure of how long with his truck in 4x4 because it got around better in the snow. this is true, but he forgot to take it out of 4x4, Dh was mad and told ss15 to watch ss17 and make sure he isn't driving in 4x4 when he didn't need to be.
dh proceeds to tell ss17 that he would buy the truck for $1000 and ss17 should ask his mom if she would help him buy something else. on the way to taking the skids back to bms house Dh tells ss17 he will help him buy a new car, get him set up with a loan and i chime in that ss17 will be the one making the payments. ss17 doesn't like this idea. ss17 says but i'm your kid and you love me lots right dad. dh says he'll help him whenever he needs help, he will never let his kids down. i had kids so that i coudl take care of you guys - i'm ready to throw up at all this bullshit. dh tells ss17 that next year when he goes to college he'll make sure ss17 has all the books, furnishings, everything he needs so that he won't have to pay for it.
we get rid of them and before we even pull out of the driveway i say you're promising them too much. i'm not against helping him if he needs it, but i wouldn't be sayign we'll help you with this this and this because what happens if that time rolls around and you can't help like you promised because you've got your own bills to pay. DH says that his bills will have to wait because his boys will always come first. i said and that is why i'm glad we have separate checking accounts, that if any money from me is donated to ss17 or his college experience it will be because i want to, not because it was promised to him because i know damn well that he will come back with his hand out saying "but you said...."
my initial gift for ss17 for graduation as long as he was still going to go to college was i was going to get him the bedding, storage bin, the little things i remembered needing when in college. but all dh's talk basically stating that it was now expected that we help him makes it not seem like the gift it is supposed to be and totally takes the wind out of my sail and i dont even want to do it any more.
Dh complains that my parents dont give me money or buy the things i talk about (Dh and i are wanting to get a golfcart with our tax return) dh sayd that my parents should get it since we never spend the $$ like my sister did on her wedding. well they hosted a party for us and they've got their own shit going on. my dad owns his own business and they have grandchildren from my sister that they spoil. they always gave me gas and stuff when i'd come visit and my dad would always slip me a little cash if he had it - DH doesnt' know this i dont' expect my parents to buy me things. i have a job, i am capable of providing for myself and these last few talks dh has had with his kids makes me think that he will never have them fully responsible for themselves. i'm now hopefully thinking on the dramatic side of paying for their cars forever, paying their mortgage, paying for their hobbies. it's just ridiculous to think that the skids are so freeking entitled by Dh adn his family!!!!!