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college visit

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Thu, 02/10/2011 - 11:56am

I took ss17 to a college visit yesterday with DH. we got all signed in and waiting and in walks BM "oh dont worry i wont interrupt i'm here to fill out financial aid info". the receptionist asked ss17 to verify if he was applying for 11-12 school year and if he would be living on campus. BM -NO he will not - this costs enough as it is.
really bm - this is NOT about you, but about gettign your son the best he can get. he NEEDS to live oncampus and get out of her house. she now has him on anxiety and depression medicine. the kid is scared shitless about college and being on his own and her answer is drugs.
in my opinion the kid is too sheltered (i've said this before and no one thinks it but me) he has NO idea of hwo to do things on his own. i think it'd do him good to get out among other kids and learn how to socialize - he's socially awkward.
i'm trying to get DH to see if ss will agree to live oncampus and if he still feels that home is the best place than fine - move back in with bm - but PLEASE give it a chance!!! ss says his reasons are because he thinks it'll be enough change and he likes his comfort zone and BM and stepdad will let him do whatever he wants because he'll be 18 by then. i can hardly keep from laughing - this kid is absolutely delusional but hey - best of luck to you!
i couldnt' WAIT to get out of the house and go to college. yea it was tough at first being there and actually on your own for money and feeling like the little fish in a new place, but you learn to cope and it gets easier. i just dont understand why neither BM or DH want to push him to experience things to the fullest! he's going to miss out on so much not being a part of the campus. yea he'll meet people in class - but the real interactions come from sitting around at night.
maybe i'm hoping for too much from the kid -

Comments

somerg's picture

Submitted by somerg on Thu, 02/10/2011 - 12:01pm

i'm sorry but i agree with bm....unless he has a full ride scholarship to college, yeah, i'd say he needs to live at home while in college, especially if college is less than 2 hours away from home

ur intentions are good, but you're not the one paying for it are you? at least he's looking into college be proud of that

primin's picture

Submitted by primin on Thu, 02/10/2011 - 12:19pm

It depends on if money is an issue. I totally agree that experiencing college, and especially living on campus, will do more for a kid than anything else. Living on campus was such a great experience for me.

My parents were extremely loving (and extremely racist, homophobic) people. I learned to respect and honor people no matter what race, religion or sexuality there are. College is about stretching yourself, and experiencing people from all walks of life. The education is only half of it.

I absolutely believe that if finances are not an issue, he should be encouraged to live on campus. If they are an issue, he should at least be encouraged to join clubs, study groups and spend as much time as possible on campus. Hey, if you can only afford a community college, then so be it, but if you can swing the on campus housing I would push it too.

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Thu, 02/10/2011 - 12:41pm

well BM would lead you to believe that she and her new hubby are extremely well off...recently their purchases included a big screen tv, they've remodeled the kitchen and currently making a master bathroom. her stepdaughter and son with new hubby are getting new stuff all the time, but her 2 kids with DH don't see as much....they're the blacksheep. ss15 has been told he acts just like DH but looks like BM, and ss17 had BM's facial features more when he was younger but is starting to grow facial hair just like DH-pisses her off.
now that it's time to pay for college it's a whole different story. keep in mind that ss17 was going to go to a state school $7000 a year but she said that she'd miss him and wanted him closer so now he's going to a private college and spending $20,000. so tell me how going to a more expensive school is a smart money decision??? he would have lived in the dorms at the state school.....
he's now going to have to drive 30 miles one way back and forth every day at over $3.00 per gallon of gas- he has a truck so it's not good gas mileage. doubt he'll stay on campus if he has a break in classes. he'll have to get up early to scrap off his car in the winter, allow extra drive time in bad weather - have to find a parking spot (not many commuter lots) get to class. so say he has class at 8 - he'll have to be ready to go out the door around 7 which means getting up at 630.....not going to happen if he keeps his current habits.

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Thu, 02/10/2011 - 12:59pm

bm has not advised us on anything so until she presents us with a bill or includes us on expenses no. we will NOT give BM money - we will pay it directly to the school.
i have $500 i will give to ss to help pay for his books. DH and i had originally agreed on $1000 that we would take him shopping for bedding, storage bins, computer, little stuff for his dorm - but since this is not going to be an issue -DH will keep it secured and give to ss when he needs it for school expenses over my donation.
if he's staying at home - there's no need for the excessive money donations to him. we've told him this.