update on last night!!!!
I got home at 6:15, BS14 was at my mothers so I grabbed him and went home. SD16 and DH was not there of course. They had left and there was a note on the kitchen counter that read:
Dear doll, (I hate being called doll and he knows it)
Went to my mothers for birthday dinner. I'll be back tonight. If you want me to bring you back dinner just call. Love DH :jawdrop:
MF are you kidding me. So after steaming for awhile I tell BS lets go. hes like where. Were going out. I go to my parents and have dinner there and stayed till 9. When I walked through the door DH was sitting in recliner and said Hey i need to talk to you and show you something in the garage. So of course I go. No sooner did I shut the garage door he started yelling stupid shit like....
How old are you?
I can not believe you messed up my birthday
You are so over reacting on this
How dare you blame SD for all this its you
I stayed calm and looked right at him and said in a very calm voice "get...the....fuck...out and bring your brat daughter with you.....and i left the garage.
I went in the house of course SD was grinning and I looked at her and said get your stuff together you won!!!!
Well the expression on her face was pure terror which was shocking. Then she said what do you mean? i went to my room and slammed the door and locked it (since we have a lock now) I text my son if he needed me text me....He said no problem mom but there not leaving. They will I said.
I ended uip falling asleep and when I woke in the morning SD was there, DH went to work and called me around 6 like nothing happened. How did you sleep? Whats for dinner tonight? I was like what? he said we both over reacted last night I know it happenes but we love eachother and SD was so upset and didnt want to leave and didnt think it would go that far and was so sorry about everything and blah blah blah...
I am still bullshit, because this is all the time...I mean when does it end!!!! NEVER!!!!
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Comments
Omg he seriously tried to
Omg he seriously tried to balme it on you?!?!? He let's his KID make the decision, which obviously does not include you.. And he expects you to what? Just cave in everytime? Good for you for doing your own thing!!! He's an ass for yelling at you. What did you say to him when he called ?
So he thinks you should just
So he thinks you should just sweep it under the rug, chalk it up to over-reaction, and continue to let SD think she is winning? She was so upset? GOOD. Let her be upset. She upsets you all the damn time. He needs to see her for what she is or do what you said and get out.
Um, I'd have stood there and
Um, I'd have stood there and said, "why the fuck are you still in my house?"
Either you start keeping your mouth shut, start treating me with the respect I deserve, get your brat daughter under control, and start acting like a husband, or get your shit out.
Actually, on second thought, just GTFO.
How DARE he. Reading this made me FUME. I am so sorry your DH is such an SH.
Now that you've slept on it,
Now that you've slept on it, do you still want him to leave? If so, change the locks before he gets home.
What is your plan? Is it
What is your plan? Is it over, are you going to give it another shot?
Are you going to tell him to
Are you going to tell him to leave again? Or let him just pretend it was never said.
i'm with Mazzy...when i read
i'm with Mazzy...when i read that he said that...i had no idea where that came from.
i'm so sorry daisy. i guess he knows he can't push anymore. only you know how you want to move forward but it seems to be a new chapter.
He needs to leave and take
He needs to leave and take his PITA daughter with him. If you want this to work, while he is staying with his parents, you can go to counselng. Maybe a third party telling him that he lets his 16 year old run things will wake his ass up.
If you don't want it to work and are just done with the Bull, change the locks and don't answer his calls.
Good for you for standing up for yourself!
I would sit them both down
I would sit them both down tonight and tell them that what happened was not OK and that if SD doesn't straighten her shit out and stop acting as though she is the wife (making plans, answering for you, faking illness and drama so you can't do date night) you will expect them to leave next time. And the next time she pulls a stunt, pack her shit for her and throw it outside.
I like CrazieCoconut's idea better!
Yah I messed up his birthday,
Yah I messed up his birthday, how asshole? When i got home you were gone. And yes he wants me to just forget it and move on. I am still aggravated, I am still upset this even happened on his birthday. Friday i had planned a party for him. It was his 40th. Our friends were away and I am having a party at a friends which he does not know about. SD is not invited, she will be home and doesnt know about the party because she will want to go and no children are allowed. But now I feel like saying fuck it!!! Why bother. I spent alot of money, having it catered, having a bar, bought all kinds of booze, have a bartender, and bought him a motor for his 67 chevy (he works on old cars as a hobby) that cost me a rib......I wasnt giving it to him till friday but now im like why am I even bothering with this.....Want to know why I am in love with a dumb ass!!!!!
At the very least he better
At the very least he better feel like a complete douchebag come Friday. And I bet SD will throw a bitch fit when you try to leave and she'll ruin that for you, too.
She'll have one of her famous
She'll have one of her famous anxiety attacks when she figures out what's up. Make sure to turn off both cell phones when you leave for this party, if you still intend to go.
Daisy Stop. Return it all.
Daisy
Stop. Return it all. Even if you lose money on deposits. He says you ruined his birthday, damn it live up to those words. Take some of the $ you saved and go buy luggage, when you get home this evening hand it to him and advise him there are two ways to do this:
1) He can be a man, pack himself and his little wife up and move. He has one chance to save his marrige, get the hell out, with her and start counceling WITH YOU so he can learn how to reclaim his balls.
2) You will evict him from the house. File court papers to ensure he is removed from the premesis and not allowed back on. Period. Alert him at the same time the eviction is filed divorce paperwork will be filed as well.
This is a game. Either declare victory and kick them out. Or push the man into a check mate position where he dare not twitch for fear of your king (balls/spine).
Little known fact. Earlier this year my DH and I got into it. I had enough. He was served with eviction paperwork and divorce papers the same day. That was when he realized I was serious and NOT dealing any further. Marriage counceling started, daddy started growing a spine with his kids and 90% of the time that spine is there.
Stop playing their game. Stop playing by their rules. New game. Your in charge.
Go win it.
I am not sure what to do. I
I am not sure what to do. I am getting at my wits end. But still love my husband, hate my SD...Hate how my DH acts with SD....so ridiculous
He hurt you very very deeply
He hurt you very very deeply yesterday and then acted like nothing happened. This is a concern and can't go just buried, its very much on the surface.
If you make the decision to allow him to remain - you have to lay down the new rules. I still think you need to take a break as per my first comment so that you have the right space and time to set forth your conditions of how you plan to live your life.
You need a little time to decide what is and isn't over your line. And he needs to either agree or get the hell out.
How about taking a break?
How about taking a break? Maybe you need a little time to think things over and its better if he goes to stay with his mother and takes SD for a period of time. At least a week, maybe a month?
Time to think things through without the soaring emotional baggage from the recent incident, time to think through all of it, not just this b-day party??
Love him or not, you made a
Love him or not, you made a threat and if he sees that as "empty" your life is going to get a lot worse. He was clearly startled by your reaction. That is good. That means he doesn't want to lose you either. Go from there. Let him know that it was not an "over-reacting" threat and that you're willing to give him and his brat a chance to take responsibility for the fact that he had plans with you and she made plans, excluding you, behind both your backs and he supported HER and not YOU and if it EVER happens again, you will make good on your threat. You have to Daisy or this will get worse. You're at a defining moment in your relationship. If either of them see your telling them to get out as an empty threat, SD will up the ante thinking she can get away with it because you're a sap and will tolerate it. You need to show dh that you have more balls than she does. Now is the time.
AGREE. This is the
AGREE.
This is the crossroads, the gauntlet has been thrown - what you do now will define your life going forward.
I agree with this as well.
I agree with this as well. You need to follow through with this threat, or SD will run your life forever.
You have to make your move.
i feel for you, if you
i feel for you, if you remember I had a similiar conversation with sd16 a couple of weeks ago. then things started to turn around and then DH lied to me about SD getting suspended and we had the conversation you outlined again. Do they think we are kidding when we tell them to get the hell out, certainly seems like they do since the next day they act like nothing ever happened. Im with ya sister believe me
I think SD's are way worse
I think SD's are way worse than SS's. I don't have an SS but my son is my husband's SS and he never did anything like what SD's do. I think they know that daddy has a soft spot in his heart for them. I can't tell you how many time mh DH has said "I can't do that, she'll cry".. What about me.. I might cry too.. how does he feel about that? Hang in there girl but sounds like you really need to be rid of both of them..
I have 2 boys 14 and 21 and
I have 2 boys 14 and 21 and they love my DH. They would never pull any of this shit. But the difference I would not allow it either. Big difference when these daddys allow it to happen. I do not only blame Sd I blame DH to. None of this garbage would be happening if DH would step up and actually be a father....WTF!!!! These men are the ones messing everything up....Grow a pair quilty daddys...
From the man and child who
From the man and child who actually did ruin YOUR birthday.
"We both overreacted". pssshhhhhh. You need to let him know that you did not overreact and you will NOT be sweeping this under the rug and pretend like nothing happened. Tell him exactly why you acted the way you did and all the other problems you are having with him and SD right now. Tell him you are dead serious that if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass NOW and things change NOW then you will be asking them to leave. There is only room for one wife in your family, and he's going to have to choose who that is. SD is a child, she doesn't even act like a 16 year old for god sakes, and she should be treated accordingly. NO butting in to adult conversations, no calling the shots for what you guys are going to do, no answering for you.
Not saying to have him leave
Not saying to have him leave because it sounds like thats not what you really want...but PLEASE listen to those above on here who are telling you to make good on your threat somehow because what you do right now TODAY will determine the rest of your relationship.
If I were in your shoes, I would tell him that you meant it when you said you wanted him out but that you do love him and am so done with SD behaviour and him not backing you up. I would tell him that at the least you need a day or so to think about things. (you can still have the party on Friday) You know you don't want him to go but he doesn't need to know this right now. Let him think about things the next couple of days.
If you go ahead and let this blow over, you really will be in worse shape.
StepX2 I believe that is what
StepX2 I believe that is what i am going to do. Thank you everyone so much...
You told him to gtfo and he's
You told him to gtfo and he's still there? He obviously doesn't respect you now and certainly won't if you back down now. You can't just constantly threaten stuff like that. Its gonna be "well it doesn't matter if daisy is mad, she'll come to her senses soon and i can go back to doing whatever"
THIS They will both learn
THIS
They will both learn that after the tears, yelling and threats, things will go back to normal.
When telling someone to get out or that you are done, they have to know you mean it. They have to know that you are able and willing to move on with or without them. A two or three day break does not send that message.
Someone might has asked this
Someone might has asked this already, I didn't read all of the posts yet, but what did he mean by "she didn't think it would go that far"?? that right there tells you all you need to know, it was done intentionally to hurt you and leave you out. Does he want to stay now because HE wants to stay or because his daughter was upset and didn't want to leave? He could just want to make baby girl happy is why he apologized this morning...