Letter to SD's from BM
BM has not seen the children since October '08. When she failed to show up for her second scheduled supervised visit with SD's then and never showed for the child support hearing the commissioner said not to allow her contact with the SD's. Christmas '09 she sends a card. We contacted the social worker who worked our case and told him what the commissioner had said and he said we didn't have to and shouldn't give it to them until she goes through the proper channels. So we didn't. She sent another one for Valentine's Day. We put it back with the other one. Here is the letter she included in the card at Christmas: "SD1 & SD2, Hi girls. It's me, Mom. How are you doing? I hope you're ok. I've wanted to write to you all for so long but wasn't sure you"d even get my letters. I miss you all so much Ineed to see my girls. It's been too long w/out you all. Everyday gets harder & harder. I know you all need to see me too. J**** (her son) asks about you all of the time. He misses his big sisters alot. He's getting ready to turn 5 on Dec. 17th. I've got each of you a picture of him (it's his school picture). He's growing ups o fast. He starts kindergarten next year. He got baptized last Sunday at his church. How are you all doing at school? I hope you're doing ok at home. I miss you babies sooo much. I think about you all every second of every day. I cry myself to sleep at night. I need you all in my life & you all need me too. I work at Wal-Mart on Frederica Street. I'm a cashier. I like working there. I miss being w/you all. I've missed out on so much with you two. I still have Ozzy (her dog). He's doing good. He misses y'all too. My phone # is ***-****. I'd really love to hear from you. I need you two in my life just as much as you need me.Please remember that I love you guys w/all my heart & I ALWAYS will. Don't ever let ANYONE tell you otherwise or make you think that I don't because you all know that I do. I will do ANYTHING for you. You are my daughters & I am your mom. ALWAYS & FOREVER. I love and miss you all so much. My heart is broken w/out you. I'd love to hear from you babies. A letter, a phone call, anything. You all are strong and can make it through anything. Everything's gonna be ok. I love you SD1 & SD2, forever & ever w/all my heart!!! Love Always & Forever, Mom"
Man, I really can't stand that woman. This shows a little of her manipulative nature and how she messes with their heads. Notice how many times she tells them they need her? She cries herself to sleep at night? Who tells their kids that? "I hope you're doing ok at home" Why wouldn't they be? "I will do ANYTHING for you." Yeah, except dump my bf that molested you and come see you or support you financially. "Everything's gonna be ok." It is ok. She can't stand the thought that they might actually be able to live a happy life without her in it. This is my favorite though: "I love you guys w/all my heart and I ALWAYS will. Don't ever let ANYONE tell you otherwise or make you think I don't." She is worried about that because that is what she used to tell SD's when SHE WOULDN'T LET DH see them for two years. She told them their dad didn't love them and that's why he "wouldn't" come see them. They have told us that. She also used to tell them, when they lived with her, that her son J**** was more their brother than our son. It was always a headgame with her.
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What a POS. I'm glad you
What a POS. I'm glad you don't have to give that to the girls. They don't need to feel guilty about her choices.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
BM over here does that too.
BM over here does that too. The phone calls are "doooont you miiiiiss mommy? Dont you loooove mommy?" over and over. It is sickening. She called 3 times super early on valentines day not because she waned to say happy valentines day to the kids, but because she wanted THEM to say happy valentines day to HER. sickening. Luckily We only see her like 2 days a year and she calls about once every week or two so I don't have to deal with it too often, but it drives me crazy.
I think that is really sad
I think that is really sad and wrong of the BM. I have a SD & SS and even though they do get to see their BM, she does the same thing! She always tells them Oh I hope you come home to me soon and I will never give up, I need you to live with me and your life will be so much better here etc etc...
THe headgames are the worst and I feel people that people that do play them should have no rights. It's only doing more damage than good
Yeah, it's like she has to
Yeah, it's like she has to pit them against people and make them think EVERYONE ELSE is the bad guy so she can win their loyalty. Well, don't see or talk to them in over a year and see how loyal they are!
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere
Exactly our BM. She cries
Exactly our BM. She cries herself to sleep too and always tells SS9 how much the cats miss him. WTF? Almost every conversation is "Mommy loves you" (not "I love you") and "Mommy misses you every day, so much that it hurts" (not "I miss you"). Its all in the wording, I wouldn't give them the letters either. What a douche.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
And not only that but she
And not only that but she calls them babies and refers to herself as "mommy" they are 15 and almost 13! How many kids that age call their moms mommy?
And did you notice that she put in there that she has wanted to write for a long time, but didn't know if they would get her letters. Like she is blaming us for her not contacting them. It's our fault she didn't write. Whatever.
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere
lol, I still refer to my
lol, I still refer to my mother as mommy!! Seriously though she has major insecurity issues. Wingnut used to call Creature and CRY on the phone and tell her how much she misses her baby and how she was reading her story books all by herself and then she'd tell everyone ELSE how much Creature missed her. SICK!
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
That's just it though. They
That's just it though. They don't call HER mommy. They call her mom. Even when they were six and eight it was mom and not mommy. Only she calls herself mommy. She needs to get over herself. Not once has she ever apologized to those girls for what SHE has put them through. She has no shame or remorse for her actions. She is a scumbag. I think some of my older posts have the whole story. She really did a number on these kids.
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere
I guess my old posts don't
I guess my old posts don't tell the whole story. I thought I had posted one....surely I did at some point. Anyway, she lost custody of them when we found out her bf had molested them and she let him back in the home after SS ordered her not to. It took 7 months for DH to gain primary custodian. She showed up for one supervised visit after bawling to the commissioner that she would do anything to get them back and then she never showed for child support hearing. She has not contacted or seen them since that first supervised visit (That was October of 2008!) until the card that came at Christmas.
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere
She sucks. Wingnut is an
She sucks. Wingnut is an ass, but I know she wouldn't allow anything like that.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Oh my you know what! Is my
Oh my you know what! Is my skids BM your skids BM? Our BM does the exact same thing. She has not seen skids SD14 and SS12 since Feb of 2007. BM left the state we live in to move in with her mother to live rent free. She started to write to skids in July of 2008. A month after she moved 1000s of miles away when she was living less than 3 miles away from us. BM was also court ordered supervised visits. Which to this day never went to any of them.
These letters are disturbing. My SO calls them Diary of a Mad Woman. She starts out her letters the same way your SDs BM does. Every letter she tells them the same thing. She said the same thing about wanting to write to them but not sure if they would get them. Blaming SO. She tells them how much she misses, prays for them every night, tells them everything will be okay (like they are miserable right now or something) tells them to stay strong and be patient. Telling them that they will be together soon, that she is working on it. She ends most of her letters with "Love,Love,Hugs,Hugs,Kisses,Kisses,Love,Hug,Kisses" over and over and over. It is insanne!!!! Just last September she started including her return address. She writes it on the back and on the front were the return address belongs she draws a crown on top of a heart. Seriously!
Her letters consist of BM telling skids "I hope Dad let you do X,Y and Z" "I hope Dad threw you a birthday party" "I hope Dad is nice enough to......" Her last letter was delusional. I wrote about it in one of my blogs. This lady is delusional. She truly believes that SD14 and SS12 are going to run to her with open arms when they see her.........NOT! They don't want to see her. They know the truth and understand what is going on and get the picture that their is something wrong with their BM.
My SO does not show Skids any of these letters. He has chosen to read some to the kids but they are all too disturbing to not want to subject your kids to emotional abuse. My SO has forwarded a few of these letters to his attorney. BM was dumb enough to say that she has exposed the Family court division and the judge for discriminating against woman. That letter is a classic.
The sad thing for us we have no idea what is truly wrong with BM. We can't even use the excuse of that she is hooked on drugs. Almost everybody asks us that about her.
CP
Look up the traits of a
Look up the traits of a sociopath and see if it doesn't fit her to a "T". It does my SD's BM. Problem is it is hard to diagnose. They do indeed sound like they are one and the same. I can't wait for the day BM tries to show up here and I can't wait for the day she actually goes through the courts. That commissioner is going to let her have it and this letter will show up there too. DH and I have had to endure so much of her lies and manipulations. We are glad she is finally out of control. She liked it when she could control all our lives with those kids. Well, she doesn't control my life or my life with my children. And she never will again.
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere
I too can't wait til the day
I too can't wait til the day she decides to come back. She is going to get one big slap in the face! My SO would agree with you and he believes that BM is a sociopath. He has even admitted to believing that BM is very capable of killing him. (She once tried running over a court processor) They have an older son together. According to the oldest son there are warrants out for BMs arrest. We know that she owes an attorney over $4000. So when she decides to come back, she is in for it.
We believe that she is waiting for both skids to be over the age of 13. She is going to try and use the "they are old enough to decide where they want to live" defense. I faxed over BMs letters to SO attorney. His attorney said that it doesn't matter that the kids are old enough to live with her, she's crazy and no judge will ever allow her to see the kids.
I hate skids BM. Not only is she a POS but she is truly arrogant and narcissitic. I have not once ever heard anything being nice said about her by anyone. She is also extremely immature. She calls our office line to speak to skids when she is not allowed to be doing that. If and when I answer her calls she hangs up. Then she will write in her letters how she tried to call them but she was unable to leave a message. She is NOT supposed to be calling skids and let alone not even calling our office!
CP
SVS. OMG, my DH's ex is
SVS. OMG, my DH's ex is also bi-polar (isn't wingnut bpd?) and she used to do the same shit to SD. I'm friends with the woman that runs the prechool Sd went to and she tells me that when Screech would drop SD off in the morning she would leave and come back three or four times, each time getting SD more worked up about "How lonely mommy was going to be." "How sad mommy is when SD isn't there." She would cry, SD would cry and she wouldn't leave and stay away until SD was screaming for as she was walking out the door.
You can see the manipulation
You can see the manipulation thru out that letter. Its disgusting.
It is funny, because
It is funny, because sometimes the bm actually does get busted. When we first went after custody it was all this crap that I had hired a lawyer and she couldn't afford one, and we were trying to take her kids away, and she was poor blahblahlbah. Mind you she had told the kids she was going to pick them up in a month in June of 03, and I had the lawyer fired up by Oct and she hadn't seen them let alone picked them up. So we had a few hearings or whatever, where we all had to hear about poor her, poor lawyerless her, poor childless her. It was super cute because my husbands paycheck was still being debited for the child support even though the kids were with us and had been for quite a while. She is doing this loud, kind of scream bawling thing, in the court room 'I just want my kids. I love my kids so much. blabla' And the judge gets totally irritated and goes 'Fine, go get them. Right now we are determining child support. You are still listed as custodial parent, go get them.' So snuffling ensues. I was freaking out thinking (not knowing what I know now) that she'd be over for them. Nothing. Next hearing she doesn't show up for. Custody granted. The judge actually remembers her and makes some comment. Then it was months before she made contact again. I had numeous therapists tell me that if hearing from the bm only serves to upset the child, and disrupt life with no benefit, that avoiding that unnecessary pain for the child was fine. The macadamia that is my sd's mom had called one time, saying a lot of similar stuff to the posts above, and even goes into 'and Louie misses and loves you too'. Tries to get her upset and cranked up. Anyway, I was sitting there trying to figure out wtf louie was. I ask my husband and he is like 'beats me'. SD gets off the phone and asks me who is louie? I could do nothing but laugh. Only thing I can figure was it was her bf of the hour.
It sounds all too familiar.
It sounds all too familiar. The only thing their mother is after is child support. She never even tried to contact them while she was with her bf that molested the girls and beat her. It was only after he gave her one last good whooping and skipped his trial that she tried to contact them. She was with him through the entire custody battle. She boo hoo'ed through the whole hearing too. Her sister's husband testified for us at the custody hearing.
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere
The child support is a
The child support is a powerful motivator. When it was still an issue the mom was all about seeing them, them living with her, on andon. When I proved that she had lied to the ag and state agencies on child support and was getting benefits on the kids while they were with us she was disqualified for a while. She also owes me money now. We didn't really hear too much from her on that till the ss turned 18. now only the sd would qualify her for food stamps etc and I guess the disqualifiecation is over. she is a nutball.
Child support is like catnip
Child support is like catnip to some BMs. The only reason my SD's BM even wanted her was for the CS. As soon as she remarried it was SD go live with your father, I'm off to have my new life with a new husband who will support me. I'm 99% convinced that her new marriage will not work out and when it doesn't she will be right back here, sniffing around to get primary custody back. Mark my words.
Definitely a whack job. I'm
Definitely a whack job. I'm glad they don't have to see that and get depressed by her BS.
I am glad you all see the
I am glad you all see the insanity in it too. I was afraid I was reading too much into it. This is the kind of thing she does with them when she is unsupervised, but worse. She even told the girls once that her son J**** is more their brother than our son BS4. She constantly messes with their heads one way or another.
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere