hang in the cracker - yes you asked for separated finances... now are you dealing with it correctly...

is the house hold split done accordingly.... or simply 50/50

fine your car broke down and you had to pay for it, guess what no skid will ever sit foot in that car again and DH can walk before you ever hand him the keys to your car, split finances does not mean screw your partner through the ears,
and this is what your DH is doing.... time to teach him a lesson.

Explain to BS - you are broke, and DH is being an idiot trying to teach you lessons instead of his kids, CHristmas might not have allot of presents or expensive presents, but that's not what Christmas is about, do your own little gift swopping with BS and simply go to church... if you do not belong to one, any will do, it will take you out of the house and you and BS will have some fun time... walk around watch people... to have a memorable Christmas is not measured to what gift you got....

Crackergirl, does this counselor have their own skids? Remarriages? It makes a difference in point of view and guidance by any counselor. I would find out the counselor's background and if the counselor has a traditional family only, I would look for a counselor who has actually lived this mess and who knows how to advise you from first handed experience.

"She said bs is old enough to understand accept our financial differences and it is a good life lesson."

I'm afraid this sounds like very good advice to me. If you don't want your dh buying for your kid or subsidizing you then this is what you've got and there's nothing wrong with it.

I think you may be projecting your own feelings on to your kid. You think of it as "rubbing his nose in it" so he is going to pick up on that and feel deprived and humiliated. But if you slap a smile on your face and get him all excited about the great Christmas you've planned for him, he will be happy and fine.

Your marriage does sound like it's in a very bad place. No matter what complaints you have against your dh, I think you would do yourself a favor by dropping this one. Tell him he's doing great for his kids planning a fun Christmas and mean it. What would that cost you? nothing. And it could make things much more pleasant at your house.

You asked your husband and that was ok to ask that he spend less. But he is under no obligation to fulfill your request and he can absolutely spend what he wants on his kids. Your son will survive. If he is young, he probably won't even notice, if he is older then he will understand if you explain to him that because of the car troubles this Christmas is going to be a bit smaller than usual for you two.

If you really want you could make sure the kids open gifts separately, or just make sure that all of the children behave graciously.

You are teaching your son great life lessons. You will be teaching him that life is not fair and that is OK. You will be teaching him how to be gracious and how to appreciate others good fortune without being bitter. You are teaching him that money means making a budget and that different things within that have priorities. Fixing a car so that you have transportation comes above gifts and so the gift budget needs to be reduced to accommodate this. You are teachingh him that love and kindness and thoughtfulness are the gifts that anyone can give no matter their budget and that they are even better than material gifts.

Crackergirl.. while I do think you and your DH have the right to buy for your bio kids as you can afford and wish with your own money. I would hope your DH could at least understand how having to watch people get way more than you while living in the same home could be difficult.

Maybe he would agree to do a bit of a private dinner or something with his kids where he could give them some of their better presents without you and your son being present. Then on Christmas day.. your son might not have to watch them open up GoPros (or whatever..lol) while he opens a pack of socks.

Either you can try to control the whole world to prevent your son from getting his sensibilities fluttered. Or you can teach your son to be a strong, self-fulfilled person who can manage his own feelings and isn't consumed by envy every time someone has more than he does.

Either you can continue this drama with your dh and ask him to make various and sundry accomodations prolonging the tension and increasing the resentment and further bean counting. Or you can drop it right now, find something to praise your husband for and get into the spirit of the holiday resulting in less tension, more warmth between the two marriage partners and perhaps a bit better footing to tackle a real issue between you.

I agree with Fruit, and as a COD I knew that while I was at my step grandparents that their first grandchild, my half brother, would be raking in the loot while I only had a few gifts but when I was at my grandparents house on my dads side I would rake in the loot. It just is what it is and what not a great time to teach kids that life isn't all peaches and ice cream.

Does your child not know that your husband isn't his father? Because if he does know that he isn't his dad why would he expect to be treated the same by DH as DH's own kids? This type of thinking means that you can't take your kid to someone's else Birthday party without explaining to the child that it isn't their Birthday and that is why they didn't get any gifts. Isn't a gift supposed to be about the thought behind the gift not just getting a bunch of crap?

As an adult you deal with people in higher positions than you getting a bigger bonus, is not getting the same bonus going to send your child over the edge or will you give him the coping skills to understand exactly what fruity says "Again, the harsh reality is there ARE inequities, financial and otherwise, in your marriage and household. Either you and your son need to deal with and/or accept them, or you need to

Why don't you overcome this money situation by giving your kid a Christmas Coupon good for $100 that can be spent any way he wants between 7/1/17 and 12/31/17, that way you can gift him something later if you honestly just can't tell your kid you don't have the money for something right now.

And lastly, is there not one thing you own that you can pawn to get some extra money to float you until you do get some extra cash, anyone besides DH that could help you out?

We have separate finances but we have SS12 and DS15. We have been together like 6 or 7 years. Well, in the past, we always made the amounts spent on Christmas equal because we felt that was best. We spent our own money, but if I spent 400 on DS, then DH did the same for SS.

WELL LAST YEAR AY AY AY. SS asked for a pool table, and DH refinanced his truck and spent 2700 on SS a pool table. I was having issues like you. It seems like mine was due to having to buy new tires or something. I could only afford like 150 on DS and felt like a failure of a parent. It was awful.

This year I have spent a lot on DS. I started in Sept. I do not care that DH had some issues come up and has only spent half my amount on SS. He didn't care about my predicament last year. I guess you can say, now we just do our own thing.

DOn't worry dear. Karma. She always has the last say, even if you have to wait a year like me!

ALSO SS has only played pool on the damn pool table 4 times. It has been a year. WHAT A WASTE FOR MY DH!

ETA My DS DID understand the situation and didn't complain one bit. It was soley myself who felt like a failure to watch SS get lavished with this 2700 pool table. It has been a year. To this day I have never nor will I EVER play a game of pool on it!

Also, I realize I should not have felt bad anyways because it is not about amounts, and the amount I spent was more than some kids get yes! The part that was hard for me was watching DH lavish and in my case LAVISH that amount on SS all while knowing I myself could not nor will I EVER be able to do that for my DS. It was very hard for me. I am proud of the fact that my DS did not seem bothered by it at all, and he and I have ever since secretly laughed because we knew ALL ALONG that SS would never take a screen break long enough to play with a pool table anyways.