Is this a resonable request?
FH and BM have 50/50 custody of their son 10, with a 3/4/4/3 arrangement, which means we have FSS every single weekend, whatever, I'm use to that, and it's probably for the best.
My FH and I like to do things on the weekends, we don't sit around the house much, so we are almost always out and about. This past weekend we went out of state, about 2.5 hours from home, the state we live in is small and we could be in any number of states within an hour or less, so it's not like we took an airplane or something. Many times just a normal shopping trip to Costco takes us out of state. Anyhow back to the weekend, we decided to make a little weekend overnight trip of our outing and we stayed in a hotel. During our stay FSS must of talked to his mom or something because all the sudden FH gets text messages saying that if we are going to take FSS out of state she would like to be informed, as she worries. We looked through the CO and nowhere is there any mention of out of state travel, or notifying the other parent.
FH hasn't responded to her request at all, and isn't really sure how to respond. During FSS's time with BM we do not ask what they are doing, or where they are, not because we don't care, but because it isn't really any of our business. In the past (6 months ago) if she found out we went camping, or took a day trip into the city, she would text FH and say things like "remember our family camping trips" and send him pictures, or "you promised you would take me to the city". That has stopped since he got a restraining order. But I feel like she wants to know our business. There has never been an issue of safety, or FH not returning FSS to BM, so what is she "worried" about.
We have another overnight, out of state, weekend trip planned next month. Should he respond to her request? Does ignoring it make it look like he agrees to informing her? Should he inform her, is that a reasonable request?
- Coco72's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
He should send back, “I will
He should send back, “I will not inform you of every time I go to Costco’s”
What’s happening is she is either prying info from the skid or he is volunteering it because he knows that’s what mom wants. She wants to know what y’all are up to so she can either use it as a connection to communicate with your DH, to out do you if she’s the competitive type, or to downplay your activities with skid out of jealousy. You can stop her in her tracks with a response like I’ve suggested pointing out how outrageous her request is or your DH can say simply “that isn’t required in our custody order and it looks like SS is already doing it for me” or you can start giving her the info on when y’all go out of state and stay over night like vacations and such. Pick your poison based on her motive.
You hit the nail on the head
You hit the nail on the head Maxwell09, she wants to know so she has a reason to communicate with FH, because right now she is only allowed to text concerning pick up/drop off, so ANY information she can get she basks in. Just this weekend when she found out we were away she started her text with "Are you still dropping XXXX off tomorrow" then the next one is "heard you were out of town, have fun". She also always downplays what we are doing, she will text FSS things like "sorry mommy can't afford to do fun stuff with you" and "going places and buying things doesn't mean love".
I'm going to suggest to FH that he says what you suggested, about it not being required in the CO and SS is already doing it.
Thanks
No FH can simply ignore her,
No FH can simply ignore her, and then he should teach his kid to keep his lapping mouth shut,
teach the kid that what happens at Daddy's house is non of mum's business just as mum's house is none of your business..
In this age of text and
In this age of text and phones at the touch of our fingers just about anytime and any place one may be, I don't think driving across the state line to go to Costco is a newsflash worthy of a notification.
Many COs do hold the language on traveling, out of state and even certain distances from home. Your DF's does not. I could drive either up or down my state for hours and never cross the state lines.
I don't think I'd make a trip top secret. Meaning if SS happens to hear from his mother, he should be able to say where he is. Or if you are planning a vacation (longer than your normal schedule of days) whether taking a plane or not, an FYI, IMO, would be proper (not every last detail, basic information only).
As to BM's text to DF, it doesn't really call for a response. She texted and said she'd like to know so she doesn't worry. What's to respond to? He isn't under CO to respond every time she texts him to whine is he? No. Dad can decide if he wishes to let her know pre the next month weekend trip or not.
Be glad it's not in the CO about travel at this point. Some COs might actually have language that the child, Dad and the DF (you) couldn't share a hotel room. So while she's being a nosy BM, she's not hampering your ability to actually go and do.
I would not informed her of
I would not informed her of every time you go out of state. If it like 8 days somewhere then maybe, but not for one night
I think she’s being fecking
I think she’s being fecking ridiculous and controlling. If you’re going to be somewhere with limited cell phone reception, then sure, she should get the name and phone number of the place you’re staying in case there’s an emergency situation on her end and she needs to contact DH. Otherwise she needs to understand DH is a capable parent and there is no need for her to insert herself into his parenting time.
I'm very close to the state
I'm very close to the state line and in fact cross the state line to go to Dairy Queen. I do let exH know as a courtesy if D'S will be out of state overnight. However, given you say there's a restraining order to reduce contact I see no need to do so. Ignore the whore.