Update to Still Processing
I am still trying to process. I just have this "doom and gloom" mentality about SS19 being here. He is working, helping around the house when we ask and has been pleasant for the most part. The last time he lived here, he stayed in his room and was just a grumpy teen.
And I cannot stop crying! I just want to cry all the time. Bless my DH who has listened to everything I am concerned about and he has the same concerns. He knows I am doing this for him, but even said he has seen me cry more in the last 2 weeks than the entire 14 years together. I don't know if its the stress of having another person in the house.
One of my suggestions was trying to find a support group for families dealing with another family member with mental health issues. Neither of us know anything about depression nor how to help or deal with situations that may effect SS19. I feel that he may try to use these issues as a crutch for something he does not like and I don't know if that is normal or how to deal with it when and if the times comes. DH and I are both from the tough love generation.
Any other suggestions?
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Crying when you need to,
Crying when you need to, talking with friends who understand, posting on here, seeing a therapist who can help you process all of this are all ways to help you deal with this. Home is your safe space and by allowing SS19 back in you are now allowing him to invade your safe space and that's scary. I know if DH ever allowed Spawn back into our home I could not do it, I would have to leave. She was allowed to violate my home for 7 years and it's not a lifestyle I could ever go back to.
I understand your anxiety and
I understand your anxiety and your aversions to getting your hopes up that this time would be better, but I would just say to try to take it one day at a time. Get yourself out of the house and limit exposure with him until you can work your way up to being more comfortable.
(((HUGS))) I wish I had
(((HUGS))) I wish I had advise to make you feel better.
Are you worried ss may not leave for a very long time?
Yes. I am worried that he
Yes. I am worried that he will try to take advantage of DH. We are understanding that he needs to work on his mental health, but where is the line drawn. Like I said, we don't know much about it. We are assuming he was diagnosed with depression but do not yet have the tools to help someone with depression.
If it helps to understand what I am trying to say better, just an example: His SF sent a text to SS23 last weekend that he was taking SS19 off his phone plan and gave us the pin number to put him on ours since it was only $30 more a month rather than $200 a month to have his own. He is paying that bill so I don't mind until he stops paying. The problem was that he got so mad and/or depressed at the text that he just went to bed for 18 hours as DH and I are on the phone with the wireless company trying to make the change and getting frustrated because they told us that I would have to have SF on a 3 way call. I explained that I did not even have his number and didn't want to be on 3 way with him (I would have lost my shit).
Finally, we had them call him to release the phone to me but he just said he couldn't deal with the anger and frustration so he went to bed.
Call the local therapist
Call the local therapist office and see what services are available in your county. Support groups , a personal therapist , anything would be helpful in this situation.
Oh my
I missed your story. Obviouslyy SS has no where else to go?
You are a good person to take him in. However this is at the expense of your emotional health. Good to hear your DH is undrstanding, but what is the game plan for SS ? You are being affected by this, and affects your ability to live a peaceful life. I hope support groups, posting on here helps. BUT why? Why is he with you?
Blessings
ETA I just read your previous blog. So sorry
Could this be a trauma
Could this be a trauma response for you? Here you are, in your own home, and you have to see your tormenter every day. I do understand why he is there, and his behavior thus far has been acceptable, except for what looks like uncontrolled mental health issues. If I were his parent, I'd want him there too. But it truly is at your expense. And I don't know that that's right either. It's a mess.
Can you take some days away to visit family? Have a mini vacay with girlfriends? Take yourself to a nice hotel for a weekend periodically?