SD15's problem is that half her DNA is BM
I so wanted to say that to dh this morning. In one of my finer moments as a reluctant grownup I did keep my mouth zipped for once so I needed to say it here instead.
SD15 received DH's fine intellect. She received BM's slothful, mean temperament. So now we have an evil genius who will out-vicious her mother because she's smart enough to power her "mean" better.
We've been talking about summer school because her grades are so low. Seems simple to me. But BM has 49 excuses why this or that plan for summer school won't work. So I countered every stupid objection by doing miraculously heroic things like look up the school district web site and click on "Summer School" or calling the school to ask the question. I'm expecting my Nobel Prize any minute now.
No matter how DH handles this, he is still dragging a hostage out of a clinging, odiferous swamp. The hostage is who SD15 could be. The swamp is her own DNA, the BM half.
Feeling it may be time for me to let go of the rope on this one and I told DH so this morning. I just don't know why so many hours of my life should be devoted to whether or not Chemistry is offered in Summer School or how on earth lil ole BM could possibly sort out her Gordian knot transportation issues to get sd15 to the school a mile away from her house. Or what dread hole in the space-time continuum we would wrench open if SD15 just went to summer school in OurTown, solving all BM's problems in one fell swoop.
DH and a crew of professionals should have been stamping out the BM DNA in that child from the moment of birth. Sadly, he was trying all on his own for years to do it and took a lot of hits to his own psyche in the process. The battle may already be lost and DH and I may just be the last ones to notice.
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I just might. And I told DH
I just might. And I told DH so this morning. He was dismayed and said he really appreciated my advice and, honestly, he does take up many, many of my suggestions. However, his execution is often not exactly predictable. I end up standing there going wtf? Is that what he thought I meant? But other times he does quite well.
But we are nearing the end of the second year of her grades swirling down the drain. Tiny bits of progress have been made -- but have they been worth the trouble? Hmmmmm....
Since I said that this morning he has upped his game. Not why I said it, but interesting reaction. Just texted me that he said some firm things to both BM and SD15 today. He's also being super sweet to me. Glad for all that, but not really sure I care any more.
I've been pondering your
I've been pondering your situation, tog. Yes, indeed. On the flip side, our BM is way less crazy than yours and her number one goal in life is to have her weekends free and not be bothered with her kids other than making lunch. So there is not much danger SD15 will completely PAS out because BM definitely wants her to come over here. A lot.
But what kind of person will she be as an adult? At the beginning of the school year I told dh it was imperative she not become a dropout. Due to dh's heroic efforts, she is barely scraping by with D-'s. That often dip down to Fs. If she turns in an assignment, she often gets an A. But mostly she just doesn't bother to turn anything in.
So what good is her diploma really going to be if it's all due to DH calling her every night and taxing her with every damn assignment every day. The fact is she herself just does not care. At 18 will she suddenly become ambitious and motivated? She's closing in on 16 now so I'm guessing we are currently looking at the person she will very likely resemble at 18 and beyond. We're running ourselves ragged so she can end up at the same finish line as without our help: "would you like fries with that?"
See, much like biking, that
See, much like biking, that would require the use of legs for something other than bending into a sitting position. It would also require SDnearly16 to be responsible enough to actually walk in the right direction every day at the right time. This is obviously way too much to expect from a baby toddler child who's only almost, ahem, 16!! No matter that there are other kids her age all over the city who are operating 1,000 pound vehicles. Those kids must be "exceptional."
Yup. Only a mile. You can see
Yup. Only a mile. You can see it from her place.
$50 bike plan would require SD15 learning to ride a bike. Yes, it's that bad. And, yes, your logical mind is way, way, way too hard for BM.