Our next block of time is comming up thur and he we go...uggg
Last night SD called DH. Something was going on with the phone and he couldn't really hear her. Then BM gets on the phone and says SD is getting sick, if she feels better in a few mins I have her call you back and hangs up. Our first thought is why the hell is SD so sick all the effin time at her mom's house? We didn't expect a call back. To our surprise she did call back but he still couldn't really hear her. BM makes her keep it the phone on speaker most of the time so she can hear everything being said even though that is against the CO. It sounded like BM kept putting her finger over the phone to tell SD to ask about picking her up at a later time or a different date. Finally DH said I love you very much but whatever is going on at your end is making so I really cant hear you so Ill give you a call back sometime tomorrow and hopefully I will be able to hear you. So today SD tried to call here but DH is working and she doesn't know he has a job right now ( He was thinking it would deter BM from continuing to go after CS if she thinks hes unemployed...yeah right...lol) ANyway DH calls me on break and tells me BM is blowing up the cell phone with texts. We are supposed to pic SD up this thurday and have her for another 2 1/2 weeks. Normal pass off time is always 5pm. BM says she wants to take SD to some pool and wants to drop her off to us at 9pm instead. DO you know what BM would say to us if we asked to drop her off that late!?! I said to DH well that's just fucking asinine considering what she would say to you if you had asked her something like that. He said that's basically what he responded to her. So BM texts back well how bout this then Ill drop her off to you on Friday instead and you can keep her an extra night. He responded with im busy right now and don't have a calendar handy so Ill get back to you later. Of course she continues to text him telling him to make sure he does, SD is really excited about this (her go to phrase to try and guilt DH into whatever she wants, which never works). Now at the beginning of the summer he tried to talk to her about an event we really wanted to see if we could get SD for. My family has a huge pig roast every August. For the second yr in a row it falls on BMs time. BM very rudely told DH the summer schedule is what it is and there doesn't have to be any talk of switching dates cuz its not happening. OK fine, same rules should apply to her. I told DH if you want to try to work with her on this (the only reason I say this is because SD was really upset she missed the pig roast last year and we would both love for her to be able to be here this year) I would give her one simple option that gives you both what you want and we would also get 2 extra nights out of it. I would say you can drop her off Friday and Ill keep her a day late as she suggested but he also wants her the weekend of the pig roast which is a day or 2 after she would get her back. We know BM will say no but this is getting truly ridiculous. No DH you cant ask for shit no matter how much you work with me when I want something. Not to mention DH always tries to ask in advance and she asks last min for things like this. WHy the hell cant she take SD to the pool on a diff day? Makes no sense to me at all. SO now tonight will be consumed by texts with an angry BM cuz DH wont just roll over and put that effin red carpet out for her....oh joy....
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I can see why you would be
I can see why you would be upset, if she can't be flexible, why should you and DH?
I like your idea of offering BM the Friday dropoff with an extra day at the end in exchange for time for your family event later on. At the very least, ask why this cannot be done another day, is it a birthday party that is already scheduled? If that doesn't work, I'd consider letting her do this slight adjustment to the schedule this time. It would show SD and BM that you are willing to be flexible and help them out, at the very least you could use it as an argument later when trying to get SD for your family event in August.
My skids BM is constantly trying to have us adjust the schedule, mostly for stupid things that she does not have to do while she is scheduled to be with skids, like house hunting, dates, her own birthday celebrations, etc. Mind you she only has them Thursday night to Monday morning every other weekend. She once called us 1 hour before the kids needed to be picked up from after school activities and wanted us to keep them for the night. We try to be flexible with her, as long as it doesn't majorly effect our plans, because we sometimes (MUCH LESS THAN HER) need flexibility as well. Actually I think the only time we really NEEDED her flexibility is when we went on our honeymoon, and we've paid that favor back in full plus some.
Thanks. I just figured she is
Thanks. I just figured she is always asking for changes and we NEVER do because she NEVER works with us. So I figured hey if she wants something we want something and if she wont agree this ONCE then no go. And trust me we have tons of times where DH has been more then flexible for her and she seriously NEVER returns the favor. That's part of what Im so pissed about honestly. Then she does shit like call us up during x-mass vaca and say oh the weathers bad up our way and it would be putting her in danger to put her in the car. So DH says fine we will wait a day. She says ok Ill make it up first chance I get. Come to find out it had nothing to do with weather, it was so SD could have extra time with her stepsister (fine BM just say that instead of lie). Then she waited a month to say she would make up the day and on the day she was supposed to drop her off to us she texts and says oh well doesn't work for me now. She finally made up the day the first block of summer vaca but seriously she doesn't work with us and doesn't keep her word even when making up time for things she asked for. If DH asks for anything the response is Fuck you asshole we have a CO and we are sticking to it. In fact the last time he tried to talk to her (just about how things went with SD being here for 2 1/2 weeks) she flipped him off and took off with SD right there. Then shes gonna turn around and ask for shit? Im just so fed up with it. We make plans around our schedule with SD. Im tired of BM trying to suck time right down to an hour if she can manage it away from us. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she agrees to his suggestion and then texts the day we are supposed to pick her up for our family event and says oh sorry this doesn't work for me, it will have to be another weekend. Shes very selfish like that and doesn't think our family is as important to SD as hers is and that's bullshit. SD didn't even want to go to BMs last time. Its just so frustrating and no matter how much I tell myself to just check out to a point its easier said than done. It doesn't always effect me directly but it pisses DH off and I have to deal with him stomping around the house and being moody because of it.
What's your current schedule
What's your current schedule like with SD?
During the summer we pick her
During the summer we pick her up the day after her last day of school and she is here for 2 1/2 weeks, then back to BM for 2 weeks, Back here for 2 1/2 weeks, back to BMs for 2 weeks then normal school schedule starts back up. Overall through out the year she gets about 7-10% more physical time with SD so I don't see why its such a huge issue especially when its her always wanting something to give us an extra 2 nights for once. DH just called and said when he gets home hes going to text her and start by saying keep in mind if I had asked you for a 9pm drop off you wouldn't have been so nice about saying no and that she hasn't worked with him on anything which I think will just start the fire under her ass before he even has a chance to put it out there what hes willing to do as far as a compromise. She wont take into effect that because of the way the CO schedule is set up she gets her most of august aside from around 10 days. Im just so not looking forward to this. She always argues and in the end will say nevermind then and thanks for breaking SDs heart, blah blah blah. I wish I could just find a hole to crawl into until the storm passes. DH gets pissed at me when I express I think he is doing what he always does and giving into her. Seriously you give this woman an inch she will stretch it for millions of miles. Hopefully he puts his foot down. I think is fair. She gets what she wants. We get what we want. SD gets all the events that she wants. But BM isn't a logical person by any means.
Well good luck to you then,
Well good luck to you then, I'll be interested in the outcome!
Sometimes when BM is being stupid and I can't handle her anymore I just tell DH where I stand, what I feel about it and then leave it up to him. I say my piece then move on, it's just not worth stressing over. Then he can just tell you the outcome, and it is what it is at that point, nothing to argue about. Just be sure he does his texting/phone call away from you so you can be happily oblivious
I know I have a better chance
I know I have a better chance of being struck by lightening then DH does of getting her to agree to our compromise! lol. Ive already been giving myself mental pep talks...."self-you can not change her craziness, you have no ultimate say in the matter, be there for DH with minimal response or suggestions of anger or aggravation, lend advice only if asked for and give it in a low monotone voice and do not get upset if DH does not use this advice, just say ok its up to you as long as it doesn't effect my own schedule" I need to put this on a tape and listen to it repeatedly when these things come up...lol...wonder if it would be useful