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Standing up to BM

caya506's picture

Submitted by caya506 on Fri, 03/20/2009 - 4:38pm

Alot of women on here have a problem with their s/o standing up to the BM's and getting their s/o to put them before the BM. I guess I'm kind of lucky not to have that problem. My BF absolutely refuses to let BM walk all over him or treat him like he is less than her. He does do some things that may be a favor for her (ie. picking up SS when she should be the one dropping him off to BF or keeping him an extra day here or there) but then if he asks for a favor, schedule change or whatever, she's more inclined to do so. But today he let her have it. He was going to go pick up SS at BM's house at around 3 today as SS didn't go to daycare because of illness and BM had somethin to do after 3, not a problem. 3:09 rolls around and BM calls freaking out! cussin and swearin askin where the F*** are you? you said u'd be here at 3. He said, no I said there I'd be there around 3 and I'd call you when i was on my way. She continues to spaz and then hangs up. BF calls her back and says, I was doin you a favor pickin him up early and coming to you to get him, you are suppose to drop him off to me, says he doesn't like being talked to that way and he won't tolerate it, she tells him to grow up, huh?????, He tells her that he can no longer come to her place to pick up SS and that she needs to drop SS off at BFs place. Now she blows a gasket and refuses to do so, hangs up again. BF calls back 10 min later and she screams at him, "are you here yet!" he says no u are to bring him to me, and back and forth back and forth. So as it stands she is refusing to bring SS to him and he won't go pick SS up. Does there come a point when BF should just suck it up and do what she wants when she is going balistic? Who is really being punished here, BM or the SS and BF because they might miss out on their time together? Have to wait and see.

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belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Fri, 03/20/2009 - 5:04pm

Well, when it's a bullsh*t control issue like this obviously is, I think it's good that he refuses to cave. He was doing her a favor, and she tries to power trip him instead of working it out like an adult. If he caves now, she'll be encouraged to do it in the future.

Our BM also has a habit of freaking out on the phone and then hanging up on DH. The weekend of my SD15's birthday, BM wanted to pick her up and spend the day with her. DH agreed to meet her at the church where we volunteer (and where BM goes to church -- it KILLS me that she professes to be a Christian). We planned to get there at 1:30. The day of, she calls him at 1:00 screaming "WHere the hell are you?" He said, I'm at home, I'll be leaving in 15 mn and we'll be there at 1:30. She says, "YOU SAID 1:00!!" (I read the email where they arranged it; the time of 1:00 was never mentioned.) So he calmly says, "I'll be there at 1:30." We get there at 1:24, and she's not in the parking lot. He calls her, and she's left because she got tired of waiting. She now wants us to drive to her place and drop SD off (which would be a 40 minute round trip, and our volunteer gig involves cooking a dinner for homeless people.) DH refuses. During this time, SD15 is in the backseat curled up in the fetal position because her mom has rejected her again (frankly, BM hates SD15 and I'm sure would have loved not to even acknowledge her birthday, but that wouldn't fit with the long-suffering martyr-mom persona she's constructed for her friends and family). So, we consoled her the best we could and took her in with us to have her help us volunteer. About 40 minutes later, BM comes in in a huff and picks up the SD.

So, the moral for us was, we won that battle, and now she knows she can't play us like that. Good for your man for sticking up for himself.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

melis070179's picture

Submitted by melis070179 on Fri, 03/20/2009 - 5:28pm

Is there a court order stating who does the transportation and when?

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

caya506's picture

Submitted by caya506 on Mon, 03/23/2009 - 8:05am

There is a court order saying that the parenting ending their time with the child is to drop the child off at the parents home who is starting their parenting time. So she was suppose to drop ss of to BF.