I got a call this morning from my mom telling me that I need to go to my grandpas soon and see him. He is almost 90 and he has been deteriorating slowly for a few years. My aunt called her and told her that he has had some sudden changes the past week, rapid wait loss and memory loss. My mom wanted to make sure that I saw him incase this continued and next time I see him he forgets who I am. Now I talk to my grandfather a few times a week on the phone and its always been a bit disjointed so I didn't notice since I hadn't seen him in person in a month. So I go and wake up DH and tell him I want to go see my grandfather this morning and have him see our daughter he gets up doesn't argue or anything about losing a whole morning before work to do it because he see's that I am upset. He gets SS and our daughter ready and we go. Now before I go on let me just say my grandfather isn't just a grandfather to me he is like a father, my father was an abusive basterd that I haven't seen since I was 11, my grandfather took care of me and my family during and after all that, I even lived with him at different times in highschool. Not the rest of my family just me, I would go stay all summer and every weekend, he even tells people I am his daughter not his granddaughter. So for him to not be the strong healthy man I have always known is very hard for me. Even in his early 80's he was tough and still building fences and cutting down trees, hell even now he still lives on his own.

So we get there and I just wanted to be able to talk to him and gauge how bad it is, I also wanted him to have some special one on one time with my daughter because it is important to me that she know him even if it is only for awhile now and she doesn't remember when she is older, I will know they knew eachother. I would have went on my own with our daughter but I don't have can't drive, so DH and SS had to come. So the whole time we are there my DH ran interferance and tried to keep control of SS so that I could talk to my grandfather and he could hold our daughter, he was so happy to see her and hold her. My grandfather told me that she is just precious and she is even more special because she is mine and I am his baby, I almost broke down right then and there.

So while were talking SS is making a brat of himself and not listening and DH is trying to keep him distracted but he still wasn't listening. My DH grounded him for today, so tonight while DH is at work he has to stay in his room and only come out for meals. Usually I have to give DH a nudge to take care of SS and make sure he is acting right, but he knew how much today ment to me and he took care of it completly, it meant so much to me.

I still feel really fragile today because I could tell that my grandfather probably won't be with me much longer, but having that back up from DH made it easier, getting to enjoy this little lucid time with my grandfather and get a picture of him holding my daughter made it all easier to bear. I still don't know what I will do if I lose him, but I know that he is ready to die and that he is tired and misses my grandmother who died 12yrs ago.

I also realized today despite our issues when it really matters my DH is there for me and when it happens he will take care of me and make it easier to bear. I complain about my DH alot but he is a good man when it counts and I am happy to have him in my life.