I am not my ss7's mother why doesn't my husband understand
My husband and I argue all the time about my ss7. My stepson doesn't listen to me, respect me, or particulary care for me unless someone else trys to get my attention. My husband wants me to be my ss7's mom when he is here and I try to explain to him that I am not his mom, he has a mom I'll feed him and clean up after him but there is a certain point were he is not my responsibility. I love my bd she is my whole world I stay home with her and she is never not taken care of. My husbands ex is not like that she is a work aholic and when she isn't working she wants to be with friends so my husband expects me to make up for her with my ss7 by being this little perfect mom with him to. PROBLEM...my ss7 won;t let me do that he is ungrateful and a brat, so I don't want to do those things for him. So I tell my husband he has a mother I can do my part but thats all. So what does he do tell me, no....my ss7 loves me and I am just as important to him as his bm.......why is he so delusional
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I feel for you, I think I
I feel for you, I think I might try to partialy disingage. My husband will freak if I disingage completly but maybe I could try to leave punishment or homework only up to my husband. I need to do something though because my ss7 is starting to be bad for my health I have high blood pressure and kidney problems and every time he is here my blood pressure goes up.
I think that most of us that
I think that most of us that bring children into a marriage, hope that our partner will be taken by our children and our children by them. The part that most couples forget to discuss is the boundaries that are expected both as a bio and as a step. My DH and I spent countless hours discussing parenting, children, expectations and our backgrounds. We discussed punishments that we used, that we had problems with that we absolutely will not use with our children. We spent two years dating, where eow we involved the kids. We lived about an hour apart so on his kid weekend I brought my dd with me. I stayed with him every weekend, eow we had kids, and when I had kids, the girls and I slept in the living room. We watched each other with our kids, and our kids with each other. I draw a lot of my actions and reactions to situations from being a child from a "broken" home (where I had a sm I hated and who hated her skids, and a sdad who didn't want to be bothered with kids while we were growing up but who later turned into one helluva step dad and grandfather). Which has indeed made parenting "broken" kids a whole lot easier.
We by far haven't had an easy marriage and the skids and BM have played alot of games and I have disengaged, and re-engaged and disengaged. But we were very honest with each other with our expectations of what and who we were in the other persons child's life.
For example my exh lives in another state, he has an great relationship with dd18. But I made it pretty clear to DH that DD18 has a dad and a good one. What he would need to do is be a parent figure, be a lot of dad, without ever being dad.
For me: my skids are eow- they had a mom. What I was was my husband's support system. I did the things that he was either uncomfortable doing, or didn't know how to do. I married him to be his partner. Even when I disengaged from the skids.....I still did everything as before, but instead of being forthright about me doing it....I would do things and DH would get the credit. And that is completely fine by me.
My ss is now 14- he isn't totally disrespectful, he has gone to one word answers to questions. God forbid you don't ask a yes or no question. THat is totally ok with me- I have a dad like that, I learned from a pro to ask questions and ask alot of them. And you keep asking in as many ways as possible to get the answers you need.
The teen years is a difficult age for a step parent.