Facing the demons.
I have a very serious situation. My children's counselors have been very divisive... Long story. But basically bio dad calls them constantly & makes the kids tell them things. Bad things about me. Basically that I'm mean, sleeping all the time, acting crazy, yelling, etc. It came to a head this past spring. The counselor wrote a damning letter & bio dad filed a restraining order. The kids were taken from me very traumatically. One being pulled from a locked room, in there hiding when I told them the police were there with papers & they had to go with their dad, but mommy would figure things out & see them soon. 2 weeks. We go to court. I got them back. The judge was pissed. Many comments made about the counselor & bio dad. I have since filed a motion to remove counselors bc of this. Court date is coming. I asked one child, who is the main focus of bio dad some questions. I pretty much knew the answers.. bc I know my ex. Well. I videoed it. Now I sit holding the video of the truth. What dad makes him say. What counselor has said. What dad does if he doesn't say that. How he really feels. Etc. Do I violate the trust and submit the recording? Or try to get thru court without it. I haven't talked to attorney yet. I'm in a bit of shock to have this actually recorded, as it's heartbreaking. Even tho I knew, I guess it's much heavy to hear & see your child confirm such evil. I know the answer. But I'm scared. Scared of ex. Scared for kids. Scared of violating his trust and failing anyways.
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The video was made without
The video was made without child knowing.
I have 2 attorneys. And a
I have 2 attorneys. And a court date.
I will call next week to
I will call next week to discuss.
dtzyblnd has it right. I was
dtzyblnd has it right. I was in almost the same exact situation. In my case my EX made my children lie to DCFS that my spouse was abusing them. He did this to try to gain custody of the children. The girls told me that their dad made them say things like that to the cops, DCFS and people in the church. I was told NOT to ask the kids questions or to try record in anyway (video or sound wise) the kids telling their side. I could be accused of directing the kids on what and how to give their side. If that happens you loose all leverage you have. Get an attorney ASAP and follow his orders. I'm not even sure I'd tell hi about the video (I'd have to think on that one). If he knows about it and is asked he has to tell the truth. New counselors are in order!!
Child didn't know the video
Child didn't know the video was on.
Google Mothers of PAS and
Google Mothers of PAS and find a support group. Talk to those women - i know there is a group that meets regularly in my state. See what their experiences have been. My gut feeling is to absolutely use the video.
I also have to tell you, as a child of divorce who was used by my mother in her divorce from my dad, who i hated at the time - partly due to valid reasons, his own horrible abusive behavior, partly due to her brain-washing me against him - i feel for your kids. In my late 20s I came to hate both my parents when i realized what they had done to me. There were other ways to handle the conflict. Neither of them was very concerned for me... they were both preoccupied with "winning" in the divorce battle. And when they have both moved on, I remained shell-shocked by it for a very long time.
I wish your family well. Keep us posted.
Children are required to lie
Children are required to lie by their dad. Part of the video child is telling me about what he tells him to say. I don't say anything. Child goes on to say what dad does when he's mad and about meetings with counselor without child and what dad tells him about the counselors what they think and say about me. And child says what happens if he doesn't do what dad wants. Also that he wants it to stop but he's scared. I've talked to DH he thinks it'll be a relief for child that the truth is out. Idk. One older child testified against bio dad in court. That child said it was the best thing they ever did for themselves. He testified about counselors and this behavior of dad. That's how I got kids back and restraining order dropped last spring. But the order wasn't for this particular child. Only the younger children. Which made no sense. I'm definitely in a tough place. I am going to talk to my attorneys next week. Maybe child will do an affidavit. Idk. He's scared. Video is to hold him to the truth, if called to court.
This is as complicated as it
This is as complicated as it his heart wrenching. IMHO, I don't think a judge (at least not the judges I've had experiences with) would take these children's testimony as reliable due to the manipulation and PAS they were subjected to. You really need to get your attorney's advice on this.
Are you a trained
Are you a trained professional in questioning and videoing children's testimony? If not I would keep the video safe but not present it as evidence.
See just as he is co-ercing them your attempt (albeit understandable) could be seen as the same thing. Who knows what is said before or after the video is filmed. Your ex could say "Well I bet she took *kid* right out for a new video game because he loves video games." And who can prove otherwise? See what I mean?
Speak to your attorneys. Ask if the judge could speak to your children. Your attorneys need to introduce the 'possibility' that your ex co-erced the kids into what he wanted them to say to the counsellor.