Out of 4 "parents" (bios & steps) I feel like I'm the only one actively trying to better the emotional state of these children. My DH just goes day to day, saying the same things, which are good things "be honest... be fair... always do your best..." Etc but it takes a forrest fire to get him actively parenting. Bio mom is fucking nut job, attention whore who doesn't even care if her kids are bathed, let alone at peace emotionally (history of parent alienation) Stepdad is over a decade older than her & has a kid of his own & he isn't invested in the steps, besides the custody issues better not affect his custody with daughter.

I read books, articles, etc on how to build self esteem of children, what do to when no one likes your stepkids, what to do when you are bonded with one stepkid and not the other, how to help your middle schooler build relationships & esteem, etc The list is endless.

I share the information with DH, we talk. We have a great communicative relationship and he is insightful. He just doesn't follow thru. He has some... And those times we have had wonderful results!

A lot of the issue is bio mom is a control freak & DH feels he is a second class parent. 3rd or 4th may be closer to the truth actually. AND it just so happens HIS MOM, my MIL is the same. Treats him like he can't parent without her input.

The kids love him. He's a great role model. He is patient. Etc. I call his parenting style "the friend parent". He has one child that responds well to that. The other nope. He needs A LOT MORE.

It's a lot. I have my own kids with their own shit. AND I'm seeking ways to guide & build them up into functioning independent people. I know many say disengage. That affects my whole home. AND that's not me.

I do get frustrated & hate it. But then I settle down, regroup, refocus. Back to the plan. Raising up their emotional health.

DH is supportive and wonderful to talk to. He sees a lot of the problems, but he has a real hard time holding the kids accountable, which is a major step in changing behaviors.

Ugh. I don't know if this has made sense. Just feeling like I'm the only one fighting for the future of these kids.