I am seriously considering running away from my own house
I don't want to be here. Apparently SO and I are SUCH rotten parents that both BM and MIL have taken it upon themselves to trash us, and involve SD in it whenever possible. They are trying to convince her to move out of our house and in with BM, and apparently will not let up.
I don't know what to do. Obviously we can't trash talk them, and we can't keep SD away from Toxic Grammy, and we can't forbid them to talk to one another. What are my options? Harrassment order? Mediator?
I am soooo close to just disengaging from that whole side of the family, which is kind of sad since my own family acts like I don't exist. I feel very uncomfortable being around someone who acts nicely to my face and turns around and stabs me in the back. I don't want to be around SD either if she dislikes me so badly.
To be brutally honest, my heart can't take it anymore. Every time I think that we have solved this problem, and life is somewhat peaceful (as peaceful as a Step-household can be), they find a way to stir everything up again and CREATE a problem. I am not such a horrible person that I deserve to be talked about behind my back and for it to affect my ability to be happy.
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Why can't you keep her away
Why can't you keep her away from toxic grammy?
There is no solution to this.
There is no solution to this. There really isn't. We went through this when SD17 moved in with us. BM and GBM might as well have been living in our house too, because everything that was said, done, denied, approved whatever went straight back to GBM and BM and then they would call and bitch at DH for denying her something or bitch at DH for being "mean" to her, or bitch at DH because I was "mean" to her. Everything stupid, shitty thing SD17 did in the two years she lived with us was either DH or my fault. And what could DH do? He would tell SD not to run back and tell nasty grammy and BM everything because it just caused drama, he would tell SD our house, our rules, etc nothing worked.. the grammy/BM gene is WAYYYYY to strong. They are worthless trash, don't pay bills, BM1 never paid a dime in CS, they lie, manipulate, steal, and Lord knows what we DON'T know, yet SD17 acts like they are Jesus and the Holy Spirit, she lurrrvvvss them. The only reason she was with us was to go to the school where we live. Every chance she got she ran off to be with granny and BM. And what could DH do? Forbid her? It's her mother and grandmother whether they suck or not.
So in January, SD17 moved 3 states away to live with DH's Aunt. By some miraculous act of God, BM1 and DH signed over parental rights to Aunt J and everything. Everyone thought this would be great for her, to get her away from toxic granny and BM influence. But nope, they still have phones and granny calls SD17 like 10 times a day and vice versa. SD17 hasn't changed a bit, still lies, manipulates, and acts the fool and Aunt J has been fed up with her since April... go figure.
DH thinks that the only way to stop the problem is for Granny and BM to die. But that's not going to work either, because if/when that happens, they will just be elevated to sainthood/martyr status with SD and honestly the damage has already been long done. SD17 is destined to be JUST EXACTLY like them and no amount of counseling, therapy, mediation, coddling, yelling.. NOTHING is going to change that.
I agree. I used to get angry
I agree. I used to get angry that SD was telling BM and GBM that I was mean, and she was scared of me and all kinds of stupid shit. According to SD her room was a pig sty, because she was too "scared" to bring her empty food wrappers, dishes, etc out to the kitchen because I was mean and gave her dirty looks. LMAO! Not to scared to march your fat at out to the kitchen to GET the stuff were ya?? Whatever. I quit caring what a bunch of loser scumbags think or don't think about me.
Hell BM1 told DH the night before SD17 left for Aunt J.'s that it was all MY "fault" SD was leaving. REALLY? fucktard? You haven't had SD17 since she was a baby... you are your white trash mother have fucked her up royally over the years and someone it's MY fault. Whatever. Say it to my face next time Pain Killer Patty and I'll show you what pain is.
Meh... I get why you are so frustrated
OMG! My house has been so
OMG! My house has been so peaceful since SD17 has been gone. DH and I have not had one fight, words NOTHING in 6 months. I'm not crabby and short with BS5 like I used to get from time to time. It's pure heaven. It really is! No BM calling, no GBM calling, I KNOW that DH notices that our house has become peaceful again too. It's amazing how one person can throw the "family" dynamic off so much... but I guess that's the thing.. that ONE person is actually THREE people (SD, GBM, BM) always causing drama.
Well, first of all because BM
Well, first of all because BM will just let her take SD on her time, since they are BFF's. Second, I am pretty sure that us "forbidding" SD to see MIL is on the same page with what they are doing. Trust me, if we could lock MIL away in a nice, safe dungeon somewhere with no wifi or phone to contact BM, or interfere in our lives, I wouldn't be sad.
SD just turned 11, and BM
SD just turned 11, and BM and MIL somehow convinced her that she is old enough to "choose" where she lives and what school she goes to, So instead of letting the adults handle it and come to an agreement on where an 11 year old CHILD should be, they told her she had to choose, and she said several time she doesn't want to choose. And they are not only demanding she choose, but talking shit about SO and our house and of course me.
We also provided BM with a very reasonable compromise of having SD go to the best academically ranked school she could get accepted to, and doing week on/week off custody, which she had already agreed to, then MIL convinced her we were WRONG and it needs to be SD choice, so now we are at back-stabbing central again, just in time for summer and lots of already allocated GRAMMY VACATION SUPER SPECIAL GRANDDAUGHTER TIME!!! YAY!!!!!! She will come home with a machine gun to blow us all away, most likely. ugh, sorry just fed up.
It's also hurtful because SD
It's also hurtful because SD calls me "mommy" or "mama" and ask me to do things for her all the time, but she supposedly hates our house and living with us?
DON'T GET IT
It's BM and MIL (SO's mom)
It's BM and MIL (SO's mom) conspiring, and they both call SO and tell him this stuff and that is how it gets back to me. I personally, have never spoken to BM, and don't plan on it happening in the near future. Even when we are all at concerts or things for school, I try to stay at least 10 feet away to avoid being contaminated by her bitchiness.
So mainly meaning his mom acts nice to my face, and SD usually.
Yep, that's my MIL too.. she
Yep, that's my MIL too.. she is buddy buddy with GBM and BM and is always calling DH to tell him what BM said or what GBM said or how DH should do this or that as far as SD is concerned. Funny, she never spouts off "advice" when it comes to BS5???? So why does she feel the need to offer her unwanted two cents when it comes to SD??