I find it interesting & very admirable that so many blended families went into their marriages ready to treat SKs as a package deal with DH. I feel like maybe I didn't get the mother gene. Don't get me wrong, I slid into the role as mom for BS1 very easily & gladly. I've loved every minute of parenting him & can proudly & confidently say that I am a good mom. Why is it so much harder to do this for SKs? It started when I first moved in with DH. It seemed like BM had tried to make friends with me, but I haven't seen her keep any friends. When SIL tried to help her, she walked all over her. I refused to be in that position & she lost interest fast when I refused to be her babysitter.
We used to have the SKs all the time, but that was back when I was willing to get up, get BD ready for school, make them every meal, clean up after them & entertain them while DH lazed around the house napping & sleeping late.
That was when I put my foot down. I won't watch them ever. I have a job & a son who needs me. I have caught a lot of crap for this. BM is a famously bad parent & my in-laws actually expected me to pressure DH to take BM to court & try to get full custody. I can't even imagine how hard & expensive & stressful that would be.
Furthermore, SKs demand gifts & rewards constantly. I won't got on any family vacations with them until they respect me & have some manners. I know this will cause in-law outrage in the future because I have every intention of taking BS1 with me anywhere & everywhere I can. I feel strongly about travel being a part of a good education. But if it's my trip, I won't be made miserable by their constant treatment. I'm sad for them that it's just the backwards way they're being brought up (BM has never even been on a plane), but I agree with Crayon when she said "we're never going to be one big happy family".
So, ladies who have done it, you have my admiration.