I've noticed something interesting in the last few weeks...
So, after officially deciding that I care too much, thus making the choice to pretty much completely withdraw from helping DH rear his two stupid crybaby brats (it's taken a lot of biting my tongue...I'm surprised I still even have one left), I've noticed something. Well, actually I already knew it, but it was strongly confirmed by just becoming an observer rather than being involved. His kids have ZERO respect for him, and, in fact, basically treat him like one giant joke. I've been observing their interactions from the outside recently, and they just think it is the funniest thing in the world to be complete jerks (again, I already knew this, but typically my responses to these behaviors were consequences...not anymore). I mean, every little thing he tells them to do is met with either a complete stonewall, a smart-ass remark, or just blatantly telling him they had no intention of doing what he wanted them to do. DH's responses have been a mixed-bag of bipolar proportions ranging anywhere from doing absolutely nothing about it and allowing this behavior to completely blowing up at them. What I'm doing is basically waiting for the day DH gets completely sick of them, blows up in an epic and apocalyptic fit of rage, and basically is completely broken down from them, thus being ready to make actual, real change instead of just saying he will, but then actually doing nothing about it. I could be completely fooling myself into thinking this will actually happen, though, since it's in DH's DNA to never change EVER, so maybe I'll just be watching this little "theater" for the next 7 years until BOTH of his semen-demons are grown and hopefully move FAR FAR away from here.
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Sorry girl! Stay strong!
Sorry girl! Stay strong!
Oh, I get the "I feel like
Oh, I get the "I feel like I'm alone in this, I never get any help" speech from him every time we have a fight about them...usually right after he's just got done telling me about how mean I am to them because all I ever want to do is discipline them. So I'm sure that will happen again, only on a larger scale. That's why when he brings it up, I'll be fully prepared for it, and my response will be, "Well, every time I try to discipline them and give them boundaries and consequences and back you up, you always tell me about how much I hate them and that I'm never nice to them, even though you're never nice to them either, so I'm out. It's now 100% your problem, so yes, now you REALLY are alone in this." I'm a big fan of the natural consequence for kids, I guess the same should apply to adults. Thanks for giving me optimism that it'll change!
It's sad isn't it?!? I've
It's sad isn't it?!? I've done the same lately. I got tired of doing everything for my DH & the skids. I'd buy them clothes & the skids would gripe that they were the tiniest bit big for them (ahem, so they had room to grow) or if I bought them American eagle, then they wanted Aero!!! Or I'd make them the exact dinner that they requested- and since I made it & not their dad they'd turn their noses up & state they weren't hungry, yet would eat a bag of Doritos 20 mins later!!!
There was no appreciation from either the skids Or my DH ! So I quit!!! I told DH he would have to make all their meals while they were here & he would do it all from now on, including shopping for their clothes!! I'm done!!!!
Well, didn't take long & the Observation of how awful they treat their dad was disgusting!!!! They seriously don't care about his feelings. DH just ordered jeans (Arizona brand - it's what their mommy buys. Lol) off if EBay cause in his words to me today "I refuse to cater to them anymore. They don't deserve high end stuff- not with these attitudes!!!!
I think the last straw with my DH was about 2 mos ago. That's when he seems to have gotten out if having his head in the sand. My DH is in law enforcement (I won't gv specifics obviously) but he got a special type of award. My DD8 & i was extremely proud of him. We took him out to dinner to celebrate. When we has the skids that following wkend - I told the boys over dinner (at the table) that their Dad got this specific award!!! I expected to see smiles & congrats to their dad. What did they ask?? "Will you make more $ now so that we can get new toys" was their sad reaction!!!!!! I was FURIOUS for my poor hubby. So I said to his boys, aren't you guys proud of your dad? (Hoping to already pull a congrats dad out of them. To my disgust, all three of his boys answered "no, not really". Poor DH looked like it broke his heart, and it hurt me to see that. But, my DD8 got up & gave him a hug & told him he was her Hero!!! Skids just picked at their food, not giving a crap. It was horrible!!!
Hang in there girl!! I know it's tough watching them disrespect your DH, their Dad. Really it's the skids loss, eventually these poor dads will stop trying!!!
Did I mention that SS11
Did I mention that SS11 actually said that since DH is his dad, he doesn't actually have to respect him? I almost went through the roof...but on the inside. Lucky for DH, he said what I was thinking, which was, "All the more reason for you to respect me, because I'm your father." I've got a long road ahead of me since these brats' starting point is that they don't have to respect their parents BECAUSE they're their parents. Like they have it in their heads that their parents are the only people in the world they GET to disrespect, when the opposite should really be true. Jeezers.