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Off the rails SD14 delivered by BM who has now gone on holiday

Bojangles's picture

Submitted by Bojangles on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 7:26pm

SD14 dropped off at 1.30pm by BM who was rude to me AGAIN (7 years and still no decline in resentment) and then blamed all her daughters problems on DH leaving her, before departing on her holiday on the verge of tears. Classic. Thank God I had a friend over to distract me whilst SD recovered in her bedroom and I waited for DH to get home. On the upside, after an hour of preparation DH and I have had probably the most meaningful conversation in 7 years with SD. There is a lot of work to do and her grounding has just been doubled. We are going to provide this girl with boundaries if it kills us.

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Synaesthete's picture

Submitted by Synaesthete on Fri, 08/27/2010 - 7:45pm

Isn't she quite the drama queen? Wink

At least she's out of the way, at least for awhile. Good to hear about the conversation - best of luck and have a nice visit!

wriggsy's picture

Submitted by wriggsy on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 8:28am

Unfortunately, I can tell ya'll just how a crazy BM gets that many words out of her mouth. She refuses to leave. I was in that predicament back in July. SD had told her mom some lies and got the woman completely pissed at me. So, one day, I upset SD (DH just happen to be out at the time) and before I know it, BM is banging on my door. SD answered it and BM proceeds to come in the house and scream obscenities at me and threaten me physically. Now...although I prefer to solve things without violence, this (normally)would have caused me to lose it. The kicker is that DH and I are striving to teach his often times violent daughter that violence is never the way to solve things...so I had to eat my own need to "take action" and stuff lots of words back in my mouth (although, I didn't succeed in that aspect as well...I still got in on the name calling...) I wished I would have thought to call the police to have her escorted out of the house. The whole time, she is telling SD to pack her things because she will never come to this house again. Two days later....BM was dropping her off for us to get SD to summer school because BM had to get to work....

Bojangles's picture

Submitted by Bojangles on Mon, 08/30/2010 - 6:38pm

BM is very much the drama queen. Fortunately I almost never see her as DH does most of the collections and drop offs, and when I do drop off she is either not there, or I just kiss the kids goodbye in the car and they get out and go up to the house.

BM still feels entitled to be rude to me at every opportunity. Despite the fact that she was having an affair when DH left, she decided as soon as he left that she had made a mistake and was desperate to get him back and I think she feels, perhaps with some justification, that if I had not appeared on the scene, she would have succeeded in rescuing her marriage. Therefore in her head it is my fault that her marriage failed. Things have gradually got more amicable between her and DH but she still hates me. DH is fairly shock proof in terms of her going off the deep and will generally just not rise to it. Amusingly she has a doctorate in Psychology.

BM dropping SD off here, when DH was at work, was an exceptional situation. They had actually set off on their 10 day holiday, the car broke down, they had to come back and at that point BM decided SD should not be going with them because she had broken the rules of her grounding by accessing the internet on a phone she had borrowed. So she phoned DH. Then he phoned me. An hour and a half later she was delivered. I assumed this rule breaking had happened on the journey but I later found out that SD had broken the rules of her grounding the day before they went on holiday, and BM was still going to take her with them. Only when the car broke down half way there did she decided that it was fate intervening and SD was not 'meant' to go on the holiday!

When she arrived to drop her off I was actually feeling quite sympathetic that their holiday had started in such a way. I see her so infrequently I do sometimes make the mistake of thinking she will behave like a normal person. So even when she entered my home without even knocking (I heard a rustling and found them standing in the hall) silenced me in my own hall by holding her hand up in a dramatic style and saying loudly 'Can we not do this NOW' when I spoke to SD, I still stepped outside with her, said I was sorry her holiday had started so badly and reassured her that we would do our best with SD (SD had gone up to her room so did not witness this section of the conversation). It was at that point that she informed me that SD was 'so screwed up' and that it was because DH had left her! She pointed her finger at me and said 'YOU try telling YOUR child that her father left her, because that's what she thinks' and marched off tearfully down the path. As always I was temporarily dumbfounded by her rudeness, and momentarily suprised that she is still grinding this axe. When she gets back DH is going to make it clear that she was out of line. She was dropping off her troubled daughted for me to look after for 10 days and still couldn't bring herself to be polite.

Oh and in another typical turnaround BM has texted and phoned DH this evening to suggest putting SD on a plane to rejoin the holiday because she is now feeling guilty for leaving her behind. OR, sending her to London to stay with BM's sister, which is the worst possible idea because her cousin is a terrible influence on her. This is the kind of crazy inconsistency which has led to SD having fairly minimal respect for boundaries. DH said no she would be staying here! What BM does not yet know is that SD has now asked if she can live with us for a while! See next blog post!