SD17 has just been round for a very rare visit, to help DH prepare for the funeral tomorrow. SD lived with us for over 2 years, before her multitude of issues, lies and self destructive behaviours, and DHs inability to address them, nearly drove me to a breakdown. I ended up disengaging to save my own sanity, and after a few months of failing to get my attention she went back to her mothers, and shortly after ended up in an eating disorders clinic.

She avoids me now and all our meetings have an undercurrent in which neither of us can tell who gave up on the other first. Sometimes when I see her I have a crazy urge to try and clear the air. I'm a person who hates tiptoeing round a problem and prefers to confront issues and talk them out. But deep down I know that would be futile in this case. SD is not capable of having an open, honest relationship, and in all likelihood I would end up exposing my feelings only to have her either deny there is a problem, or, there would be some sort of soul baring reconciliation, following which she would swiftly revert to type and start playing attention seeking games. I am really trying to learn my lesson on this one.

Still churning over the funeral tomorrow. This afternoon I started ironing tea towels to distract myself from the imminent horror of a day in the same room as BM. I NEVER iron, I have a zero tolerance policy on wasting my life making things flat. By tonight I will be ironing my pants. Perhaps I'll go and get some of those minibar size bottles of spirits to put in my bag tomorrow and take the edge off.