for those of you considering going to couples counselling...
save yourself the money! DH and I went a few times and the counselor suggested that meal times together were very important. As it stands now, DH feeds SD11 separately than our other 4 kids. For some reason, this little princess gets different rules not only from my 2 bios but also from her OWN TWO SIBLINGS. WTF???
Anyway, DH nodded earnestly to the counselor and promised to change this behavior. "yes" he said "we will all eat TOGETHER." By the time I fought my way through traffic and arrived at home tonight after work, SD11 had already been fed. We had a lovely meal with the other 4 kids, DH and I but after dinner I asked him why he continued to ignore the counselor's advice.
Are you ready for this step-talkers???
He pointed out that ONE TIME I fed my youngest son separately because he was outside playing basketball. He claims that this happens "all the time" - LIES! He is a LIAR! I was so blown away by his obvious lies that his whole issue with his own spoiled daughter was completely ignored, which is I guess what he wanted.
I give up. The man is a liar and will never change.
I want a refund from that damn counselor.
- blending2012's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
It sounds like the counselor
It sounds like the counselor actually offered good suggestion, it's your DH who didn't follow through. The job of the therapist is to help guide us in the right direction but it's up to us to take the advice to leave it.
^^This^^ Sounds like you
^^This^^
Sounds like you should demand a refund on your DH.
Amen. Don't blame the
Amen. Don't blame the messenger.
Why not cook dinner for you
Why not cook dinner for you and the kids except DH and SD11. Let them eat on their own widdle island.
I'm laughing, but I also
I'm laughing, but I also think this is a great idea. Sometimes turning the tables is a great way of getting your point across.
My dh once decided to take
My dh once decided to take his daughter to dinner. The rest of the family was not invited. In fact we were specifically excluded.
I asked the rest of the family to dinner with me. When dh saw how excited the rest of the family was to go out to dinner with me he talked to db and they decided we could "come along" with them. I said no thanks, we were not interested and we went to dinner without him or sd.
The look on his face as we walked out the door was priceless and he never pulled that b**s*** again.
that is so strange, so he
that is so strange, so he cooks something special just for her then when u get home u cook for everyone else??? or does he at least cook dinner for everyone and just give her dinner first? what does he feed her? why does he say he does that?
she rarely likes what the
she rarely likes what the rest of the family is having - so he cooks her something just for her and feeds it to her before the rest of the family. why does he do this? the other kids are all the same age (we have three in the same grade and one a grade below those three) and they are all younger than her. she complains that they are all "too loud". So princess gets to eat at a quiet table while the rest of us can go fuck ourselves.
And you guys are right of course, the therapist did offer great advice. She probably felt like she did her job too since DH never disagreed with her and told her he would take her advice. It was simply a waste of everyone's time and money because he doesn't follow through.
And of course to him "what's the big deal?".
Time for me to mentally check out again. I swear I used to be fun and happy. He and SD11 have sucked that out of me. I need to find my happy again.
Yeah, what's his rationale
Yeah, what's his rationale for her eating seperately?
>the counselor suggested that
>the counselor suggested that meal times together were very important.<
I agree with this 110%
I understand that family scheduling and dynamics may make this inconvenient but I for one absolutely refuse to cater to one member of the family solely because they are picky eaters.
When SS came into my life, I was absolutely appaled by his eating habits. Not only was he a picky eater but he pretty much ran rough-shod over all my meal plans. I can't really blame him because "family dinners" for him used to consist of take-out eaten in front of the TV. That is what DW and her ex used to do. So SS had no manners, would barely eat what was given to him and then run off without asking to be excused. This behavior was acceptable to him because his Mom and Dad allowed it.
Oh boy! Laying down the ground rules of the family dinner must have felt like incarceration to him. I was raised with "British dinner style" rules, including how to properly set your knife and fork down on your plate after eating to signify that you are done.
Wasting food? Ha! I may as well have gotten up an peed on the couch! Wasting food was a cardinal sin and the punishment was swift and severe.
So you can imagine the huge challenge my wife and I when it came to family dinner
I was soooo strict but I was consistent. I also agreed with DW's suggestion to allow SS to have "some" say in what I would prepare for dinner. SS still wastes hid food, but not as much. SS still needs to be reminded of proper table manners. But not as much. The only way DW and I made this work is by talking it over and being consistent.
I cannot imagine how angry
I cannot imagine how angry you must be with your DH (and hurt). What he's doing doesn't make sense and it's so damaging to the entire family. I just can't imagine what you're feeling and going through.
Just sending support....
Maybe the money would be better spent for you to see the therapist on your own and encourage him to join you when he's ready to make some changes and work as a team. Him "yessing" the therapist to death isn't going to help. It wastes everyone's time. But you deserve support right now, this is crazy. I say go see the therapist alone, maybe she can help you find ways to get your happy back.
I'd say go back to the same
I'd say go back to the same counselor. Then ask, "What would you advise to a person whose spouse SAYS all the right things in counseling but then makes excuses of why they can't follow the advice in the real situation?"
Right in front of him. Then watch him squirm.